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- A young kid stumbles across the infamous holy grail of porn sites on an innocent "melons" good image search...pornyporn.com
- Who Is Who
- Yettie plays the Barely Sixteen Blonde, RT plays Mr. Oliver Shagwell, orian plays Mr Helluva Goodfuck, BlueYonder plays the Prudish Female Lawyer, Methamphetamine plays John Thomas, another lawyer.
Barely Sixteen Blonde -- Barely Sixteen strutted into a large room full of about seven lawyers, all of whom wore surprisingly little - pinstriped pants to be precise. Barely Sixteen wasn't wearing much either - a tiny skirt, hardly longer than most of these men's penises. She had come to apply for the position as secretary, and as such was wearing the appropriate clothing for an interview - the aforementioned skirt with an oddly tight and translucent top.
Mr. Oliver Shagwell -- "So, you've come to apply for the secretary position?" asked Shagwell in the terribly awkward style of porn dialogue. After all, these people aren't paid to act, they're paid to fuck. "You must know, it's vary demanding position one must be able to take a lot of pressure..."
Mr Helluva Goodfuck -- Sir Goodfuck cackled from the next executive swivel chair. "I get it it's like saying sex things without saying them! I never understood these scripts before?" The was some muttering of camera at this "Wait what do you mean this is live?"
Mr. Oliver Shagwell -- "Uh... how 'bout we skip to the sex? I'm losing a pretty good hard-on here. Who's got the cat?"
Mr Helluva Goodfuck -- "That's what Viagra's for, dippy. And the 'cat' is right there. You see what I did there? I used teh term "cat" instead of "girl" I'm clever." More muttering from off stage. "What do you mean stick to the script?" Muttering. "No it's not that you're a bad writer I just think the natural feel would help, people -- none of whome are under eighteen -- get off." mutterings. "No I didn't mean bare-back!" Goodfuck turned to his colleague "Look-see Shagwell, even with the awkwardness: still hard." Goodfuck proceeded then to dance like somebodies father at a sixties disco.
Mr. Oliver Shagwell -- "Dammit, Goodfuck! Don't you realize I'm a virgin? I couldn't even pick a good porn name, I mean Shagwell? Seroiusly! Now, I came here to get laid, and by god, I'm going to get LAID!" The Blonde began to squirm in her seat. "You stay right where you are!"
Mr Helluva Goodfuck -- "Wow, I thought I was weird, me being gay and all, but that really takes the biscuit, they let you on this high profile scenario with no experiance?"
Mr. Oliver Shagwell -- "Shut the hell up, Goodfuck!" Shagwell, in a fit of pure sex-depraved anger, slams Goodfuck's head to the table, leaving his firm, round heiney perched high in the air. "I'm gonna fuck something and that's final!"
Barely Sixteen Blonde -- Barely Sixteen looked at the two men, oddly, shuffling uncomfortably in her micro skirt."Guys, I haven't got all day here! Can someone just give me my que so I can get out of this fucking tight skirt".
Mr. Oliver Shagwell -- "Can't *thrust* you *thrust* see *thrust* I'm *thrust* sorta *thrust* in the middle *thrust* of something?" moaned Shagwell. Meanwhile, on the other side of the screen, Josh went limp.
Prudish Female Lawyer -- A female lawyer, who had the dual role of being the token prude and resident bi of the porn film (she had an ankle-length dress, her hair in a bun, everything), clambered onto the table. "Time to get things sliding more smoothly." she said, making an artless and painfully stupid innuendo. She stripped off her clothes, because, as every experienced pervert, sexual predator and stalker knows, a prude stripping is even hotter than a non-prude stripping. "This help you get it up at all, Mr Shagwell?" she asked.
John Thomas -- John Thomas burst in the door, completely naked. He said "Time to-- Shagwell! How can you thrust like that? I thought you were a virgin! Can you show me how you thrust, though? I want the best orgasm possible for my next--" He looked at the stripping Prudish, and had the best orgasm possible. "Never mind, but can you still teach me?" Muttering from off stage. "Well, my cue might have came 30 seconds before I arrived, but Viagra takes time to work!" Muttering. "Fuck your script! I'm improvising now. You're fired!" Muttering. "I can do that!"