User:Orian57/UnProvise/UPR/The Break Up

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UnProvise Name: The Break Up
Description: A formerly happy couple, Orian and Yettie have their final argument and split up
Contributors: YTTE, Orian, Cajek, Qua
Who Is Who: YTTE plays Yettie, Orian plays Orian, Cajek plays Bob, Qua plays Qua


Yettie -- Yettie storms through the front door, utterly pissed...in the British sense that is. His breath reaks of assorted liqueurs and cheap wine. He smashes into the staircase and then steadies himself. "Honey, I'm home!" he calls out in a slurred voice.
Orian -- "Oh shit!" Orian exclaims as he pushes a mysterious stranger off of him. "Hide!" he says ushering the stranger into the wardrobe. Trying to keep a sweet voice Orian says "Oh hello, Yettie, did you have fun with the fag hags?"
Yettie -- "Hey Bob, whatcha doing here?" Yettie says, ignoring Orian, and stumbling towards the wardrobe. "Why didn't ya come for a drink with the lads, tonight?"
Bob -- "That soundsh great Yettie!" Bob proclaims, totally drunk. "I'd likes ta introduce yah to mah new girlfriend, Orian!"
Yettie -- Orian, ey? Why the fuck would you want to date her, she's an ugly bitch! And where do I remeberssss that frum? That name...I...oh yuh, she's my wife, isn't she?" slurs Yettie, staggering about a bit.
Bob -- "Oh, well, I'm sure you're thinkin' of uh diff'rent Orian." Bob stammers, hanging on to the dresser. "...This Orian is a hottie hot hottie!"
Qua -- "Hey guys, just wanted to pop in here unexpectedly so I could say hi. Hey Orian! Wanna be starting something in this room?" says Qua.
Yettie -- "Yeh swounds coool, Bob.....hey Bob, I t'ought you had a w-w-wife...How's she?" says Yettie, while fighting for his hanging-space on the dresser.
Qua -- "Yeah Bob, where's your wife? Haven't seen her in a while, I hope she's not on vacation or some shit." Qua says.
Bob -- Bob stars bumblin' and crashin' all over the dresser, knocking everything onto the floor. "Oh mah wife? You mean Orian? She's still the same ugly bitch she always wuz! ...Who's your sexay friend?"
Yettie -- "Jesus, Bob, havvvv-ve you bee' drin'ing?" splutters Yettie between gasps.
Bob -- "Uh, pffft, I think I would remember drinkin'!" Blurgs Bob inbetween blatterspasms.
Qua -- "We totally remember you drinking. In fact, we were with you at the time. Can't you remember?" Qua says.
Yettie -- "Mate, Bob, whatever your name is, you're fucking, like, drunk or something! You really likeee n-n-need to stwop dwinking or sumin'!" slurrs Yettie, after collapsing and then picking himself up again.
Qua -- "Hey Bob! Check it out, that chick is totally eyeing you. Maybe you should go over there ann-nd work your magic!" Qua says to a drunk Bob while pointing to an obvious transsexual.
Yettie -- Yettie looks at Qua's stubby finger and then at the person its pointing too. "Hey man, Qua, you have a fucking stubby finger! And dude, this is lik-ke-ke my house or sumin' so you can't go pay sum ccrazay hook-arr here, biatch. Wait a sec-second, that's myy-eee-y fuckin' wife that is!" says Yettie, while lying on the ground, in pools of his own sick.
Qua -- "Wait a second, that's his wife?... Nah go head and cut loose, Yettie here doesn't mind. He's just sleeping." Qua says.
Yettie -- "What the fuck? I'm not sleeping!" yells Yettie indignantly. He tries to stand, but collapses mid-effort and groans a bit "Fuckers!"
Orian -- "OooohhK, boys" Orian pipes up after getting silently dressed. "I think we should all go home now. Bob, it was very nice of you to come over and keep an eye on me from the safety of the wardrobe; I've never had a naigbour so kind and thoughtful. And Qua, I'm not sure I've ever seen you before or if I ever want to again; your eyes are too close together, go rob someone else." then turning to her husband of two years. "You need a bath, it's that time of the week again." she says trying not to vomit herself.
Yettie -- Yettie takes a sniff of the stale air around him which smells of gunpowder, burnt toast, eggs, mayonnaise and clowns. "Darlin', that's yew, who's smellin', sweetie pie. So I ha' a small drink at teh bar. You alway' smell after yo ha' sex. I kno' yew had-d se-sex 'cause I was outta teh house, you mus' hav' done" Yettie says calmly. He then slowly takes off his trousers[1] and flourishes them above his head while singing a song and stumbling across the room.
Bob -- Bob, who had fallen asleep, suddenly wakes up: "I CONCUR!" he yells, startling everyone in the room. Somehow, Bob had acquired a lampshade, and now wears it over his head.
Yettie -- "Bob, you always were the stylish one" sighs Yettie admiringly, "maybe if I could dress as well as you, that Bob guy would have sex with me!" Yettie suddenly seems very sober, but this new, sober illusion is broken in seconds as he collapses against a wall and starts singing to himself. "Hey Bob, you can't just 'concur' to whatever you like, you know. You have to concur to a statement or idea" again Yettie seems stunningly sober for seconds, but soon relapses into a spasm of drunkism.
Orian -- After being too stunned by the "you smell" insult and then intrigued by Yettie's momentary soberness Orian returns to reality. "You've been having and affair with him havent you?" she directs at Bob refering to her husband as the adulterer. "Don't give me that, shit! It's OK if I have an affair, But he's not allowed to cheat." She walkes over to her almost unconcious husband. "That's disrespectful." she says stamping the heel of her stiletto through Yettie's hand.
Yettie -- Yettie looks unhappily at the hole in his hand and the blood pouring everywhere and then he looks very serious and stares up at his wife. "I'm like Jesus now, so you better do what I say, otherwise you'll get smited!" shouts Yettie happily.
Orian -- Angrilly "now listen to me you worthless drunk!" she grabs Yettie by the hair and hisses in his ear. "You are nothing like Jesus. Jesus was a good looking, articulate man. You, are a disgusting mess with only one testicle and a literacy problem." for good measure she stamps a hole through his other hand.
Yettie -- Yettie ignores Orian's various insults and looks at the the hole in his other hand and the blood pouring everywhere. Suddenly his serious look comes back and he smiles up at Orian "Now I'm even more like Jesus!" he says, happily, apparently not feeling the slight stinging pain.


THE END
The Break Up has been deemed "finished" and has reached its natural conclusion, please don't continue it. If you disagree with this please take up the matter on this UnProvise's talkpage.
  1. (or "pants" to you silly Americans)
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