User:Orian57/UnProvise/UPR/High School Drama

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Latest revision as of 21:43, June 6, 2008

UNP.jpg


UnProvise Name: High School Drama
Description: High school can be a stressful time. These are important problems, the answers to which will undoubtedly affect our heroes, Jesse, Allie, Matt, and Guy, for the rest of their goddamn lives. No one cares about grades, we're talking about High School Drama.
Contributors: SysRq + Orian57 + Flumpa + YTTE + BlueYonder
Who Is Who: SysRq plays Jesse, Orian57 plays Allie, Flumpa plays Matt, BlueYonder plays Gareth, YTTE plays Guy


This article is sexually tensely confused and moves from the present to past tense. Help switching it all to the past tense will be appreciated (see what I did there with mixing tenses...)!

Jesse -- 'Wow, my life is so confusing and filled with problems. I hate my school, and every other school is so much better than my school. There are so many douchebags here that I forget how much of a douche I am myself. At least I have my girlfriend, Allie, whom I totally don't deserve' Jesse thought as she pulls up in front of Allie's house. "Hey, bitch!" he calls casually. "Ready to go do make-out-sex stuff out at the place with those other guys?"
Allie -- Allie struts out of the house next door in her so-short-it-looks-like-a-belt skirt, her pink low-cut top and her high heals (you know the sort that scream "whore!"). "See you around chuck!" she calls not looking behind her. "Hi, bitch" she says cooly giving her boyfrined a perfunctionary kiss on the lips then snearing at him sweetly.
Jesse -- Jesse pretends to not hear that. "Yeah, I totally have all of these problems and such. But you're not gonna hear about them because I'm too complicated and too afraid to let you in and see my real feelings. Instead, we can listen to my mixtape (it's called Songs By Douchebags About Nothing Important) while I make a subtle pass at you even though you say you're not ready for underage intercourse." He then pops in the tape and stares at the dashboard, looking quite annoyed as he grabs Allie's boobs.
Allie -- "I'm sorry, Jessie," she says pulling her jacket around her tightly and grinning like she's being molested by a clown. "These are reserved for my husband's (and god's) eyes only." she looks behind her to see chuck , a forty something in his underwear, come out of the house holding her panties. "Fuck off, Fuck off!" she mouths at him waving a shooing hand when Jessie is trying to get the tape working.
Jesse -- "What the hell, bitch? You're cheating on me, aren't you? Tell me his name, I'll kill him!" Jesse rarely thought rationally since Macho Football Head Injury, which happened during Heroic Moment at Important Game in the Before You Moved To This School football game.
Allie -- "No, Jessie, what do you think I am?" she says moving in for a more intimate kiss to keep him quiet and trying to hide her revulsion. When she pulls away "You and Jesus are the only guys I love. You know that. Now come on lets go to make-out-point and meet The Not Gay Just Good Friends Couple, Matt and Guy." In the background Chuck gives a confused look before walking back into his house. "Oh and does this music have to be so quiet? Turn it up for fucks sake!" she says hammering the volume up button.
Jesse -- Jesse pushes her hand out of the way and turns it up even more to the point where all conversation is futile. He starts driving way too fast, almost daring other cars to try and keep him behind them. While running a red light, he stops watching the road, turns to Allie, and starts up a conversation. "So what the hell is your stepdad's problem?" he shouts over the music, the engine, the horns from the other cars, and the police sirens. "Last time he grabbed my crotch when you left to go put on the clothes I told you to wear because the clothes you were wearing weren't slutty enough."
Allie -- "WHICH STEP-DAD!?" She hollers over the cacophony. "THE ONE FROM LAST WEEK OR THIS?"
Jesse -- "I GUESS LAST WEEK. HE TOTALLY WANTS MY COCK." Jesse pulls up in front of Secluded Location, also known as Make-Out Point, where they discover Matt and Guy, totally not being queer and totally just hanging out and talking and stuff. Nothing gay. "Oh hey there, straight friends! How are we all liking vaginas today?"
Matt -- "More than ever, bud!," Matt says with a mysterious sparkle in his eye. "It's like my old Pa always said: 'Son,' he sez, 'when you grow up, you better like women, or I'll put a hurt on ya! I swear!' Boy, oh, boy, life sure is good when you're into women and not men!
Allie -- "Isn't it just?" Allie says firing a sarcastic glance at Jessie.
Jesse -- "What, bitch? What?" Jesse tried to seem as indignant as possible. "I'm telling you, that wasn't me. Someone else was on my laptop, fucking with my download history! I'm not fucking gay, alright? I love vaginas!" He then slammed down another Overpriced Energy Drink and began to gaze out into the distance, trying to make everyone think that he was thinking about something deep or profound.
Allie -- "Well that was an interesting little outburst..." she glances from boy to boy wondering exactly how many times their clothes have "fallen off" around each other. "So anyway." she says playing along with the charade and wrapping her hands around Jessie. "What are you thinking?"
Matt -- At that moment, Matt's pants fall down. "Oopsie!" he says.
Jesse -- Jesse continues to stare off into the distance, trying to look as if he were something other than a hollow, chauvinistic, and very stupid kid. "Just thinking about the rockin' three way I'm gonna get involved in later after I get you really drunk at Big Party at Popular Kid's house." He catches himself, and pretends that he didn't just say what he just said. "Uh, I mean, I'm thinking about my life. You know, the things that are going on right now, right here in Big High School, they're gonna mean the difference between whether or not we're happy when we get older. That's why I stress about my relationships with people: because I'm going to see these people after I graduate and move halfway across the country to play football for Dumb State University. This stuff matters, you know? And I'm just so deep and complicated...I barely know what I'm feeling sometimes. One time, I was watching MTV, and I forgot I was watching MTV. Then I wrote a song about it on my guitar which I play to make me look like a douchebag. Wanna hear it? I brought my guitar with me because I'm a douchebag and I like to play the same four chords in public so that I can call myself a guitarist and look sophisticated and hide the fact that I'm a pretentious asshole who'd fuck a passed out chick at a party without a second thought."
Guy - Guy, who has been watching his hero, with big, mesmerised eyes throughout the little speech stands up and walks towards Jesse trying hard to think of vaginas. "Hey, Jesse, why don't I sing a romantic song, which is totally not directed at you, while you strum your guitar musically? We could have an epic, sunset-near-cliff moment?". Jesse looked so cool in the fading sunlight, with his guitar. Guy was in awe. Slowly he began to melodramatically massage his throat to loosen his voice chords.
Allie "Yeah go on Jesse" Allie urged, getting ready to enjoy every second of her boyfriends humiliating display of percieved self-worth and talent.
Jesse -- Jesse takes out his very cheap guitar that he paid $80 for at Wal-Mart. It's got a Blink-182 sticker on the back, which he had attempted to scratch off after he stopped listening to them (because no one else listened to them anymore). In his guitar case is a poorly written tab for Bad Song by Maroon 5, which he enjoys playing very poorly around the house with the intent of pissing off his family to the point that they pay him to stop so that he doesn't have to get a job. "This song is called Beaches. It goes a little something like this."

Cquote1
"Yeah yeah, girl, yeah

Giiiirl yeah
UH-!
Yeah yeah, yeah girl
GIIIIIRL YEAH yeah!
HM-!
I love you, baby,
Can't you see,
I love your pussy
Except for when you pee
GIIIIRL!!!

UH-!
Cquote2

Guy -- Guy decides he, too, should inflict his voice on everyone. He steps forwards and takes one of Jesse's hands in his and holds it carefully. Slowly he caresses the hand and then whispers softly and suggestively into Jesse's beautiful eat "I totally love vaginas". Then slowly he opens his mouth and joins the broken and disfigured chorus.
Gareth -- Gareth, the much-hated literate geek who had never been laid, suddenly pulled up in his rickety old car, crashing it into the back of Jesse's one, and started oogling Allie from behind thick spectacles. Guy continued to sing which clearly turned Gareth on, somehow. He began to drool slightly.
Jesse -- Jesse's song is cut abruptly short. "What the fuck? Oh it's you, nerd! Can't you see that my social status makes me a superior human being and that yours makes you nothing more than a sea slug? Get out of here before I get you out of here myself! I mean, before I make myself gone you...er, make you gone myself...I before E...GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" He then proceeded to find an inexpensive object with which to strike Gareth.
Guy -- Carefully following Jesse's lead, Guy also found an inexpensive object with which to strike Gareth and began hitting Gareth's arms with a box of premium condoms.
Allie -- "Stop comming on to him, Guy." she says grabbing the box of condoms and pocketing them. "Honestly boys, can't you solve anything without violence?" She put her hand on Gareth's shoulder in a way that could be construed as amerous but to the trained eye says "we will only ever be friends".
Jesse -- Jesse looks at Allie discouragingly. "I still don't get why you put up with him. He's stupid and gay and homo. He's a total fag."
Allie -- With a biting sarcasm: "Aren't we all?" She looks at Guy, wrapping his hands around Jessies waist and Jessie not stopping him.
Jesse -- Suddenly, Jesse strikes Allie with the inexpensive object. "God! I'm so sick of your shit!" He then repeatedly beats her over the head until it is a bloody pulp on the ground. He then proceeds to violate her, ravaging her asshole with an angry ferocity. The violence subsides and Jesse feels the stares of everyone around him. "Uh-oh, I dun it again!"

THE END
High School Drama has been deemed "finished" and has reached its natural conclusion, please don't continue it. If you disagree with this please take up the matter on this UnProvise's talkpage.
UNP Merited UnProvisation
High School Drama was awarded an UnProvise Merit on 6 June 2008 and is considered to be a great UnProvise. It's totally sexy and has awesome legs.

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