User:Orian57/UnProvise/UPR/Dramatic work set in the historic American west

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Orian57 | UnProvise
Revision as of 01:31, November 9, 2008 by Methamphetamine! (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
UNP.jpg


UnProvise Name: Dramatic work set in the historic American west
Description: Set in the American "Old West" between the years 1860 and 1900, this dramatic work follows the everyday lives of Indians native Americans and cowboys.
Contributors: Berry + BlueYonder + Regret Tenenbaum + Methy
Who Is Who: Berry plays the indian chief Struggles-with-Wound, BlueYonder plays notorious outlaw Messy James, Regret Tenenbaum plays the Man with No Name, Methamphetamine plays Another Man with Gun


Struggles-with-Wound -- Lying on the ground by the village centre, chief Struggles-with-Wound, vowed revenge on the notorious cowboy who went by the name of Man with No Name, and was heard to say these words: "Many moons with no sleep; the white man infested my body with his curse that blasted out of his terrible pipe-thing!" Having never seen or heard the chief so furious, the younger members of the tribe shuddered in fear. "It hit me right here", the chief continued, and before he even finished the sentence, he was demonstrating the exact location of the wound and how it hit him there.

Messy James -- Suddenly, Messy James rode into the scene from the nearest sunset on his formidable black horse. "Hah!" he cried in his clipped Western accent. "Look at the dirty red Injun! Ah see No-Name's picked off another random NPC-uh, I mean, Injun-in a desperate attempt to face up to my notoriety!"

Struggles-with-Wound -- Hastily covering the nondescript part of his body where the wound was located, Struggles-with-Wound stepped up. "White man, Struggles-with-Wound understands not half of what white man says, but Struggles-with-Wound thinks he heard the name of pile-of-coyote-dung-Man with No Name in your words. Bring him to us and your name is never forgotten!"

Messy James -- Messy James cracked his whip in a totally masculine way. "Right y'are, Injun." he said. "Ah'll find this guy 'n bring 'im here, and I totally won't demand that you hand over your first virgin daughter and all your virgin sons when I do so, or anything like that. Be right back!" And with this, Messy James rode off into the sunset to initiate a quick and easy search for the man with no name, known to the ordinary people as Clint Eastwood.

The scene changes: A gloomy saloon where no-one with any common sense would ever come to. The bartender would rather work someplace else and the sheriff doesn't even fart in its general direction.

Messy James -- The doors swing open, and a dark figure stands in the doorway, his arms spread out, his hat over his eyes and his crotch thrust forward rather repulsivley in what is clearly an honest effort to look intimidating. The fly-bait dirtbags sitting at the bar look up, and the piano player, on cue as ever, stops playing his bad rendition of some unrecognisable country song. "Ah'm lookin' for the one known as No Name. Or Clint Eastwood." said the figure, the twangy voice rather killing the whole 'intimidation' thing. "Y'know, that guy who basically died in the 90's but still insists on appearing in films. Seems to think he can face up to my notoriety. He here?"

No Name -- "Well, you come to the right place, Messy", said Clint through tight lips and leathery skin. "Now willya git your crotch outa my face?"

Another Man with Gun -- "What the hell's going on?" Man with Gun said, infuriated.

No Name -- Clint pulled his .44 Magnum from his holsters, one aimed for Man-With-Gun, the appropriately named local injun, and the other aimed for Messy. "Now, neither of you move a muscle I'll paint the walls with your brains... now, both a you... get on the floor." They obliged... "Now, then... where's the girl?"

Man-with-Gun -- Instead of getting on the ground, since No Name said the words that start the curse, Man with gun turned to wax. The only way Man with Gun would turn back is if Clint Eastwood said something obscene.

No Name -- Clint was panicked at the sight of the man melting before him. In a fit of fear, he pulled the trigger on his .44 Magnum. Messy's face was a scarlet-tinged hole and the wall behind him was painted red with Messy's blood. "HOLY FUCK!" shouted Clint, quite obscene-ly. By then, Man-With-Gun was a red-skinned puddle on the floor, with the viscosity of Jell-O pudding. Clint began to hyperventilate, and an assistant soon arrived with his oxygen tank... he soon caught his breath "Man-with-Gun. YOU BETTER TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING GIRL IS OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A CANDLE BEFORE YOU CAN SAY 'TIMBUCK-FUCKING-TOO', YOU GOT THAT!?"

Man-with-Gun -- Now, Man-with-Gun's spell was broken, so he turned back to human. "What? Oh, she's, um, in the city hall having sexual affair with sheriff, sheriff recently married girl, he said 'For the honeymoon, we'll fuck in the city hall private room'. I guess this is the part in the movie where you kill the sheriff for some reason". Man with Gun said.

No-Name -- No-Name was confused at the odd nature of Man-With-Gun's spell, but ignored it nevertheless. "Man-With-Gun, I may need your special brand of Injun magic to defeat the Sheriff, come with me..." Man-With-Gun obliged, and followed him outside, where his mighty white steed Chavez awaited his master. "Your horse is so big and strong" noted Man-With-Gun. "So tall and sinuous, it brings shame to the horses of my tribe." No-Name gawked at him with questioning eyes. "Uh... sure. Shut up and get on." "It would be my honor." They mounted the horse and No-Name let out a masculine "Haw!" as Chavez did a horse-wheelie and sped off to City Hall in a hail of thundering hoof-stomps and a storm of dust.

Man-With-Gun -- Man with Gun asked, "Do you want golden bullets or the regular kind? I also have this poison jar, we can add that poison to bullets." He started to befriend this white man.

No-Name -- "Uh... golden poison bullets'll do. By the way, you wouldn't happen to have any of them magic curvin' bullets would you?"

Man with Gun -- "No."


Personal tools
projects