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Cat -- A cat jumps through the cat flap and happily goes to lick some milk up. "Oh crap!" it meows..."a fucking dead body!".
Murderer -- "Oh shit, there's a witness! Come here, you pussy!" The murderer shouts as he swings for the cat weilding a Wii remote.
Cat -- "Oh fuck! We're all swearing" meows the cat as the Wii remote catches it across the head and smashes it painfully into the wall.
Murderer -- "And on a sunday too, God will be displeased. Come on, Cat, we must punish ourselves..." muderer picks up the unconcious cat by the leg and carries him carelessly towards the sink.
Cat -- "Jeese, me new paw-mittens! Be careful, there! And besides I'm perfectly capable of self-harming in penance! Get off me!" The cat jumps out of the murderer's arms and begins slitting its wrists.
Murderer -- "Oh no you don't! That's my job, I'm the sadist remember? Stop, that!" The murderer yanks the bread knife from teh cat's paws and stabs himself in the shoulder.
Cat -- "Two can play at that game, bitch!" replies the cat, indignantly. The cat struts over to the murderer and stands up on his hind legs, to his full height. "What yo playin' at foo'? Gim me da damn knife!" the cat shouts in a menacing cat-voice. The cat then proceeds to jump at the murderer, claws flailing, only to miss his face by millimetres, get his tail chopped off by the knife and collide with a very unhappy window. The poor window is shattered into tiny pieces.
Murderer -- "You dick!" the killer shouts indignantly. "You're not allowed to kill yourself, we're just self harming!"
Cat -- "I'm not dead, silly" says the cat as it pulls its bloody and mangled body up through the weeping window and back into the strange room. "Furthermore, how did you know my name was Dick?"
Murderer -- "It's on your collar." The killer says pointing to the blood stained collar around the cat's neck. "Now come here, we need to heal ourselves or God will smite the town."
Cat -- "You've got to be fucking joking! That dirty pervert tried to touch my arse yesterday. He's really quite annoying. But I wouldn't worry about him, the worst he'll do is send a couple of plagues, which isn't too bad" the cats says in a strangely flirtatious way, walking up to the murderer. "And since when do I have a collar?"
Murderer -- "God tried to touch you!? The bastard. After all that stuff he says about beastiality in leviticus! Right I'm off to do what I've always wanted: bum a donky!" The killer turns to leave, ignoring the cat's amerous advances, and then trips over the dead body.
Cat --"So you're doing the donkey, now, are you?" says the cat, outraged, as it stifles a laugh after the evil murderer trips over the dead body. "You evil murderer! Okay, so it's not like we knew each other before, and I don't really have a reason to be outraged, and since we've never dated, I'm sooo OUTRAGED. Ooooooh, I'm so, so, OUTRAGED. You, slut! Bumming the donkey, are we?" The cat looks outraged and then spits in the general direction of the donkey-bumming-bible-knowing-god-hating-sadist-self-shoulder-stabbing-killer.
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