User:Orian57/Homosexual Agenda

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The gay agenda. Note the gayness.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about The Non-gnarly Gay Agenda.
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The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Homosexual Agenda.

The Gay Agenda is an infamous document, first committed to paper on February 2, 1983 by a (presumed) homosexual. It lived in obscurity until the internet became the place to vent personal grievances, to do lists and, of course, agendas. After the document became public it caused outrage among the socially conservative conservatives, who sometimes live in societies. A full transcript follows:

edit Gay Agenda (Feb 2 1983)

Cquote1
  1. Gather receipts to complete tax returns.
  2. Pick up laundry from the dry cleaners.
  3. Call Mom.
  4. Get oil checked.
  5. Water lawn.
  6. Pick up milk, eggs, and a pint of vanilla ice cream at the store.
  7. Take cat to the vet.
  8. Pay electric bill.
  9. Get stamps at the post office.
  10. Cheat on spouse.
  11. Vandalize mall property.
  12. Get run over by neighbor's car.
  13. (illegible)
  14. Profit!
  15. Spend all of the money on cough/cold medicine.
  16. Think About "Seeing" Toby Keith
Cquote2

edit The Radical Gay Agenda

On March 1, 1999, the Committee for the protection of Heterosexuality (Muscle Men, Child-bearers and Well-Fit Lesbians), led by Larry Kramer exposed the radical gay agenda. This reformulation of the gay agenda has been described as “totally, like, gay and stuff” by equal rights advocates.

edit Radical Gay Agenda (Mar 1 1999)

Cquote1
  1. Gather gay receipts to complete gay tax returns.
  2. Pick up gay laundry from the gay dry cleaners.
  3. Call Moms.
  4. Get gay oil checked.
  5. Water lesbian lawn.
  6. Pick up Harvey Milk, gay eggs, and a pint of gay vanilla ice cream at the gay store.
  7. Take gay cat to the gay vet.
  8. Pay gay electric bill.
  9. Get gay stamps at the gay post office.
  10. Cheat on registered partner.
  11. Redecorate the gay mall with gay vandalism.
  12. Get run over by gay neighbor's pimped-out car.
  13. (illeGAYble)
  14. Gay Profit!
  15. Spend all of the gay money on gay cough/gay cold medicine.
  16. Think about having sexual relations with Toby Keith
Cquote2

edit The Fabulous Gay Agenda

The Fabulous Gay Agenda (also known as the "Vast Gay Conspiracy") was produced by the CONGPPWGT (Committee of Non-Gay People Preoccupied with Gay Things) on April 19, 1996 to commemorate the 1st anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombings. This agenda included:

Cquote1
  1. Make everyone's wardrobe more Fab-U-lous!.
  2. Bring back Disco.
  3. Re-re-decorate your living room.
  4. Figure out how to quit you.
  5. Adopt Christian Babies and sell their blood to Jews.
  6. Watch the Oscars/Tonys.
  7. Teach Heterosexuals how to be gay.
  8. Listen to My Chemical Romance.
  9. Make the Yule Tide gay.
  10. Become managers and enforce fairness and reasonability in the workplace. This would force Heterosexuals, used to dehumanizing work environments and engaging in acts of bullying, to quit in frustration.
  11. Be excessively friendly, to the point of creepiness.
  12. Allow men to marry animals.
  13. (illegible)
  14. Profit!
  15. Donate all of the money to AIDS.
  16. Trying To Send Toby Keith To Homosexual Sex School
Cquote2

The tenets of the Fabulous Gay Agenda were adopted quickly by liberals.

Followers of the Fabulous Gay Agenda came to worship comedian Paul Lynde, who was the "centre square" on the "popular" television show "Hollywood Squares". They came to worship all of Hollywood, believing it to be controlled by the Fantastic Gay Agenda. (Homosexuals had previously achieved high positions in the entertainment industry, but none were actual agents. Rather, they were freelance contractors of another gay sub-agenda.)

edit Agents of the Gay Agenda

Many seemingly normal figurines in history have been secret proponents of the gay agenda most notably Judy Garland who encouraged followers to "make the yuletide gay and follow the brick road and is evoked to this day in selected theatres.

edit See Also

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