User:Orbhunterx/Secret Nazi Moon Base
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I now see it is a good time to talk of peace and working together for the betterment of all Americans.”
It is largely unknown that as World War II was being brought to a fitting conclusion, specially selected few within the Nazi Party left unseen for their hidden base in Antarctica. Within a year, an elite corp of perfect Nazi males and females set off for the Moon, establishing a Secret Nazi Moon Base in 1945. Thousands of frauleins and stormtroopers relocated and began building to one day soon begin a Fourth Reich. Adolf Hitler and his chosen successors got busy for years, glaring down at the blue-green Earth like a hungry wolf watching a grazing sheep. As the years wore on, two were selected to return to Earth and communicate back when the time was ripe to strike, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. Since the Moon is such a harsh mistress, the vacationing Germans chose the land of plenty, America, as the fatted-calf, landing at Holloman Air-force base for beer and sausage, which they all greatly enjoyed.
edit Mentally-Superior Genetically-Perfect Nazis
Even before the first booted goose-step landed on the Moon, Nazi plotters drew up plans to transform themselves into Mentally-Superior Genetically-Perfect uber-beings. This breeding program took in the most talented fraulein hotties in Deutschland, coupling them with the most pumped up male specimens of Germany. The nouveau Nazi stormtroopers were to be drop dead gorgeous to all lessors. And so it was, the Mentally-Superior Genetically-Perfect Nazis were progenerated, and in turn progenerated so much that the Moon swarms with them. (For explicit details on their ungermane mating and procreation techniques, see YouPorn.)
“Experimental Lunacy - After undergoing radical gene therapy to render his libido quite deadly, a Nazi Moon man finds he has big problem on his hands. His penis grows alarmingly long, and he cannot stop its action, so has to sling it over his shoulder under his coat. It begins winding around his neck and choking him, like a python, so he visits Dr Strangelove for help. "Zee, Doctor?" he spits, opening his coat to reveal the alarming spectacle, "Vat shoudt I do?" "Vell...you vill be quite popular vith ze frauleins!" the doctor laughed.”
edit Other Nations Involved
It is unknown but rumored that Finland, and The Falkland Islands also have hidden bases on the Moon. When authorities in the USA were privately questioned why not even one rumor of of an American base proved true, it came as little surprise to those in the know that those inside NASA had been spending so much time and energy covering their own butts that they never got around to it. It also came as quite a blow that the mysterious aristocracy of Canada likewise suffered from the same lack of long term survivability. Hope remains alive that the brave country of Liechtenstein will come up with something useful.
edit Kinds of Saucerish Craft
- Haunebu4: Interplanetary Assault Cruiser
- Dummkopf: Lunar Erratic Fighter
- Toyoto Zepher: Japanese Kamakazi Transport; prone to extreme acceleration and random failure of breaking ability
- Katch69: Personal transport of the Fuhrer's exotic Feminazi shock troop wives
- X-DAY Saucers: Subgenius "J._R._"Bob"_Dobbs" mode of dropping in for a chat about old times
edit Defenses Against Mentally-Superior Genetically-Perfect Moon Nazis
The altered genes of moon Nazis have spawned buffed male "lady killers" of hunk proportions that would shame Arnold on a good day, while concurrently bestowing the females with stunningly jaw-dropping attributes that give a new meaning to the term blond bombshells. Gifted with extraordinary abilities to produce intense sexual orgasms the moon Nazis have the alarming potential to waylay the most lucrative businesses on Earth, the Porn and Prostitution industries. Otherwise, make no bones about it... they will gleefully try to kick your ass if you're not extremely lucky!
- Brilliant Pebbles, US has had since Ronald Reagan footed the bill
- Atomic Bombs, lots and lots since Raytheon just makes more
- Ultra-Scud Missiles
- Ray guns back-engineered from Roswell crash
- Alien abduction insurance
- Republican Party Pornography
- John Boehner
- Ann Coulter
Note: In the event of an epic fail of these weapons to bring the mentally-superior genetically-perfect moon Nazis to their knees, just flash a bright smile, give them a knowing wink, and just keep talking; in other words... Don't Panic! Filibuster to try stalling until the cavalry arrives.
“Some come up and some come young. Live to love and give good tongue. Sit down get down in the sun. Rocket to the woman is on the one.”
edit See Also
Secret Nazi Moonbase: http://www.secretnazimoonbase.blogspot.com/
Disclaimer: Be it known that things in this article may be exaggerated or in fact have some basis of truth, this disclaimer and all editorial changes of this disclaimer should they come about, as well as any disclaimers regarding this disclaimer, are hereby inclusive of all temporal, spacial and ethical considerations, in this reality, other parallel dimensions, or realms beyond rational or irrational conception forthwith.