User:Optimuschris/The Cruise

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Transam

Proper cruising equipment.

The Cruise is a religious ritual celebrated by, and shared by the Sociolontological sects Stoners and Alcoholics. Considered one of the most sacred rituals among these sects, The Cruise was first performed by Saint and minor deity David Wooderson in May circa 1973. The ritual follows a loose, but well defined structure comprised of three dinstinct components: Boredom, Intoxication, and Transportation. Some minor splinter sects add Vandalism as a fourth component but they are largely considered to be retarded.

edit Origins

The first Cruise, or "The Beer Run" as it is known among the devout, Took place one evening in May (possibly June, the participants were too high to remember with any certainty) when St. Wooderson and acolytes Randall "Pink" Floyd and Ron Slater were sitting idle one afternoon after watching a junior high school girls' gym class play lacrosse in the rain. No one is really sure what precipitated the chain events to follow, but that won't stop this author from making something up and presenting it as fact. What follows is a transcription of the discussion that started the chain of events that eventually led to "The Beer Run".

WOODERSON: "Man, I sure do like watching little girls in the rain."

SLATER: "Yeah man, It's so cool. What?"

FLOYD: "Shut up Wooderson. You're confusing Slater again."

WOODERSON: "Anybody got a joint man?"

SLATER: "I got a bag for sale man. $10 dollars man and you gotta let me smoke it with you."

WOODERSON: "Nah man, I think we should run over to Mitch's place. I hear he's holding."

FLOYD: "Yeah, let's go. I want to pick up some beer anyway."

Presumably the three then proceeded to drive St. Wooderson's 1971 Ford Pinto to their mutual friend Mitch Kramer's house where they smoked marijuana and definitely did NOT look at any anime porn. No sir. In any case, several hours passed before Floyd remembered he had wanted to pick up some beer. This, in addition to the fact that the only marijuana left in the house was Slater's shitty dime bag, compelled the group to leave the house in search of entertainment.


edit Tools Required For the Ceremony

  • TOTALLY Dank Weed
  • Late 70s/80s American Muscle Car, with moderate rust
  • Cassette Deck
  • Motley Crüe/Zeppelin tapes
  • Ice-cold beer (minimum one 6-pack per passenger)
  • Recently the church has relented and now include the use paintball guns as an acceptable way to get your cruise on for the lord, provided of course that said user is sufficiently tanked.
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