User:Optimuschris/Svetlana of The Real World
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Hmmm.... Svetlana sounds hot. I guess I'd tap someone named Svetlana if someone blindfolded me and just said "there's this chick in front of you named Svetlana, tap or no tap?". So yeah, I guess I'd tap that. But I suppose the real question is, is this funny enough for you to leave this article up here, or will you report me?
P.S. Suck my cock if you don't like it. Suck it.
edit My cock
Suck it. Yeah, suck it slow and long. I like it when you use your teeth, but only a little. I had this girlfriend in high school who made my cock bleed once. No lie, I dumped that silly cow the very next day. Then I banged her best friend. Good times. Anyways, you can suck my cock. Suck it.
edit Your mother
Why don't you call her over so she can suck my cock as well? She's probably better at it than you anyway. After all, how do you think she could afford to put you through college? Not that she put you through college obviously. But she could have afforded to if she had wanted. And if it wouldn't have been wasted on you. Anyways, my cock. Suck it.
edit Your father
He can also suck my cock. Don't tell me he doesn't suck cock. I saw him in that movie. He's a pro. He could probably teach your mom something. Don't be ashamed, dude. Your father's got real talent, you should be proud. But let's get back to talking about my cock and how you can suck it. Suck it.
edit My high school English teacher
I wouldn't want her to suck my cock. That old bat had the most disgusting dentures I've ever seen! Picture a set of shit brown teeth with smudges of green. That's what they looked like, no exaggeration. And don't get me started on her breath! Yeah, if I let her suck my cock it'd probably get some sick and fall off. I would stick it in her pooper though. So, to summarize: no to a blowjob, yes to some anal. My cock. Suck it.
edit Soup kitchens
They are a great place to meet girls. Most of the girls there will do just about anything for a hot meal and $20. I remember one time I was cruising the soup kitchen down the street and I managed to get three blowjobs from three different girls in one morning. All it cost me was $36 and a book of McDonald's gift certificates. That second chick was crazy too. She wanted me to let her stay in my garage. She said she'd blow me every morning as payment. Sounds like a pretty good offer, amirite? I would have totally took her up on it, but I couldn't think of a way to explain it to my wife. That bitch ruins everything for me. You know what else is cool besides soup kitchens? My cock. Suck it.
Fields are nice for when you want to have a picnic. I usually bring some cold fried chicken and maybe a pie. A bottle of wine and a nice smoke and you've got yourself a perfect afternoon in my opinion. I usually go alone, but I'll occasionally bring a girl. Mostly though I just like to take some time for myself and relax. I'll drink some wine and smoke some smoke and then just lay back and watch clouds for hours. One time I saw a cloud that looked just like Elvis. I swear to you I am not making this up. Nor was I exceptionally high. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but I left my damn camera at home. Another time I saw a cloud that looked just like my cock. Yeah, my cock. Suck it.
edit Bad Mexican food
It gives me the shits. Suck my cock. Suck it.
edit My car
It needs front brakes. $89 just for the pads! Fucking rip-off. I think the automotive industry is controlled by Jews, just like the banks. That reminds me of a joke. Have you heard about the new Jewish car just released? Not only does it stop on a dime, but it also picks it up for you. Pretty funny, no? Well if you don't think so you can suck my cock. Suck it.
edit PEE Reviews
PEE Reviews are a joke. Plus the rule that you have to have your article PEE Reviewed before you can make it a feature is gay. I was gonna put this article on the front page where it belongs, but then I read about having to have it PEE Reviewed first. I had a PEE Review done which sucked because I had to wait two whole days. I didn't read the review, but I'm sure it's a good one. Now I'm gonna make the admins on this stupid site put this article on the front page. If they don't want to, they can suck my cock. Suck it.