User:OpenFaceSurgery/Sandbox/Marilyn Manson

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Marilyn Manson.
“All told, I think he's a complete knob.”
“Marilyn Manson is easily the worst artist that ever lived.”

Named for notorious serial killer Marilyn Monroe and gorgeous blonde bombshell Charles Manson, Marilyn Manson is a prolific author whose rise to fame has baffled most experts, since s/he has repeatedly tested negative for talent. His/her writing covers a broad area of topics, most of them either exploring historical themes or heavily criticizing normal people.

edit Life


Marilyn Manson is neither male nor female.

Marilyn Manson was accidentally created in a laboratory in Ohio as an unexpected result of research into the emo phenomenon, and rumors that s/he is actually a man named Brian Warner have been dismissed as Nazi propaganda.

In 1992, Manson sustained a severe injury while attempting autofellatio, leaving him/her in a coma for three weeks and necessitating the removal of several ribs that had been completely destroyed. When s/he recovered, it was found that his/her vocal cords had been damaged so badly that s/he could speak only in an angsty whine or harpy-like screech, further isolating him/her from normal society.

Because of the confusion and stress that predictably resulted from being created as a hermaphroditic mutant in a laboratory, Manson fled to Florida and began writing books.

In 2000, Manson was arrested for climbing onto a security guard, demanding a piggyback ride around the building and then forcing his genitalia up the guard's nose. The judge later declared a mistrial due to evidence tampering.

edit Personal Life

Manson has been declared Pope Manson XVI of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by founder Evil Jesus.

In 2005, s/he met and fell in love with avant-garde porn star Dita Von Teese during an interview for one of his/her books. The marriage soon fell apart, however, as Manson was a cold, distant slut who was having an affair with a man named Rachel.

edit Education

Following his/her flight from the laboratory, Manson was briefly enrolled in a public school in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, where s/he took off his/her (oh this is stupid let's just pretend Manson is male) shoes and threw them at stray cats. Although initially pleased to leave behind the 'stupidhead religious bastards', Manson soon found his new classmates to be unaccepting of his mode of dress - a rebellious ripped cassock - and profane Gregorian chants. This served to further his hatred of religion and people in general, and Manson used his time in class to hatch elaborate plans for revenge (it would not be until 20 years later that the concept of shooting one's classmates for vague revenge would emerge).

Manson left the school 3 days after his enrollment with no qualifications, expelled for beating and traumatizing a number of custodians.

edit Career

edit Early Career

After many a settlement hearing, Manson received a job as a journalist interviewing musicians for a small, Arabian newspaper. He has been described as showing great promise, 'if only he'd stop scrapping the interview and start talking about himself halfway through the article'. His adventures with snuff and heroine led to the first drafts of one of his first books, hidden within an article that could be decoded by changing all the C's to F's, and writing in a string of incomprehensible gibberish every third line.

A point of interest is that a lot of Manson's success since has been attributed to the newspaper's editor. However, the only person to allege this is the editor herself, and it is widely regarded as bullshit.

Manson's first book, Portrait of an American Family, was a satirical take on his lack of family and legal status as a person. Since then, he has gone on to appear in several films and television interviews, such as an appearance on The Daily Show hosted by noted Jewish newsman Jon Stewart.

edit Books

  • Portrait of an American Family (1994) was panned by critics but has since achieved cult status in the United States and elsewhere.
  • Antichrist Superstar (1996), a critique of Christianity and religion in general.
  • Mechanical Animals (1998), a poorly-received, rambling criticism of animal testing that advocated animatronics as a replacement. This was written during Manson's struggle with drugs and many biographers believe that Manson may have been tripping while writing this book.
  • Holy Wood (2000), a novel satirizing Hollywood and media culture.
  • The Golden Age of Grotesque (2003) was a wistful look back at the days of Nazi death camps and lampshades made of human skin. Manson is a known collector of Nazi paraphernalia.
  • Lest We Forget (2004) was a desperate cry for attention as Manson begged the world at large to remember that s/he was still relevant.
  • Eat Me, Drink Me (2007) is an analysis of cannibalistic practices throughout history.

edit Trivia

  • Many false rumors have been circulated about Manson, including the persistent one that Manson is actually Cher. This can be explained by the fact that the resemblance is uncanny.
  • Manson has an extra finger on his left hand. This emerged sometime in between the time he quit coke, and the time he was arrested for illegal possession of an entire endangered species in a cellar in his apartment in Beijing.

edit See Also

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