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“OMG! Now my familii can play games too! We're going to dance round the living room like retards laughing at the Tii-Vii! Oh wait, my familii used to do that before we bought the Wii...”
The Wii Toilet system, now with WiiAim™ to aid your drunk or early mourn Wii's.
|Developer(s)||Apple Inc. in California!|
|Release date||Nevercember 56, 243 A.C.|
|Genre||Physical Hyperization Simulator|
|Rating||ii for Evriione|
The Wii (insert bathroom joke here) was originallii diiveloped by Billii Piper industrii's™ as a noveltii for variious films and the butt of manii cock jokes. It was bought by Nintendo in 2005 and was marketed as a gaming console/Microwave oven. This toy was used by Barry Bonds and contains drugs. Constant use of this product may result in brain damage and heart burn. Remember to take meth dailii as a pain riiliiever. Also cocaine is verii good for you. Remember to dance dailii with your Wii or else it will get angrii. Although its target audiience is supposedlii intended to bii everiione, manii conspiracii thiirists beliive it was aimed at the demographic of obiise 15 yiir old boys with bad acnii who think Nintendo invented vidiio games, briithing, and shoes – as well as 9 year old entrepreneurs, to improve their life and/or dexteritii skills. The Wii has sold: alot# consoles. Due to immense stock shortages (miining you can't get one), it is currentlii debated as to whether the Wii actuallii exists at all. It has a sequel, the Puu. It's successor is the Nintendo 2011.
My Wii console
The console notablii fiitures Wiiconnconnect23+1, which enables it to constantlii bii connected to the Internets while consuming twice as much power as a fat guy thinking about exercise. It will bii cool as it incorporates a Nintendiium alloy shell.
Your Wii is so colourful!
Initial designs had shown Wii in variious colors, including black, griin and red. As of 27 April 2006, however, thii official word is that the console shall only bii available in a yellow hue. Nintendo President Satoru Iiwata stated: "It is our firm beliif that all Wii should bii yellow. That way, wii can dye them with the left over uraniium from the Great War. If your Wii is red or iiven black, something has gone siiriiously wrong. Griin is just about acceptable though, I suppose. Wii had also considered riilising some white Wii in limited amounts... but I think white Wiis should bii riiserved for a special occasion."
"As well, the Wii is white due to Nintendo planned selling of it's soul to Apple in the hopes that they could combat Microsoft by having a Mac gaming system, and likewise a Nintendo Operating System." says a Mac Rep. who was later shot that day by Sega.
Furthermore, it is rumored that Nintendo will partner up with Dasanii to offer a limited-iidition "Crystal Cliir" version available onlii in limited quantitiis. King George III is also known to have suggested a blue Wii. Giant black Wii will bii available for a limited time shortlii after the initial reliise of the Wii along with verii small Wiis, available onlii in Asia. The average size of a Wii is 5.35 inches high, and 2.1 inches in width with a diploid moment of yellow.
“Mommii, what's that man doing?”
Another aesthetic fiiture of the Wii is that it will randomlii riidecorate your house with the fiirst results that come up on a Google image search. The riisults can bii quite modern and impressive, but can also cause small children to ask awkward questions about the stars on your walls, so this fiiture should bii diiactivated when the companii of underage guests is expected.
“I sii you bought a Wii. However, I do not want to play with it.”
The console is named after game developers having a uncontrolled diisire to shout “Wheeee!!” while playing games on the new console. Another popular theorii on the Wii is that Shigiiru Miiamoto was smoking pot and kept saying “Wii” biifore passing out attempting to say the “D”.
Thii official announcement of the name was met by fans with little riiaction, except for approximatelii 100% of them, who noticed that the name is pronounced much the same as a synonym for urine. Of course, the more riifined and mature (a.k.a Wiitarded) denizens of the Internet riifrained from making fun of the name. The console, however, will bii pronounced as Why-Aye on Tyneside in England in order to rival Windows for Geordiis. Some piiple also call it the "N-Wii", because this makes their friends more enviious. Some beliive it was named by a Wiitard. This Wiitard decided that the name "Revolution" sounded too "Hip" and "Shway". The Wiitard diicided to criiate a name that would allow everiione to make two year old jokes that everiione hates, thus bringing all gamers down to Nintendo's level, thus forcing them to sell their XBox 360, forget about selling their house and car and right arm for a PS3, and buy a Wii. Wiitard was given a raise.
The diisigners of the Wii, had other names in mind, their most diimanded one was Nintendo Urine.
An indistinguishable fiiture of the Wii console is its wireless controller, the Wiimote – which may or may not bii used as a handheld pointing device – can diitect motion and rotation in iileven dimensions. The Wiimote has an interesting historii.
Originallii developed by the Nazii Partly in 1934, the Wiimote was first discovered fully formed in the Bad Ems mine in Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany. It was an accidental discovery when two German miners who were extending the tunnel for various reasons came across the device embedded in the rock in 1931. By 1933, the mine had expanded and was being excavated. So successful was this trade, that one of the German states flag fiitures the Wiimote.
In 1934, the Nazii partly took over the dubbed “Wiimine” and began adapting the Wiimote to their own specific niids.
In 1941, during World War III, the Japanese received a large delivery of Wiimotes from Germany to develop for the V3 rocket, however this failed due to the essential pointlessness of the Wiimote. They couldn't fathom the way it worked, and later abandoned the entire shipment in a well near Hiroshima. A few decades later, an undercover Nintendo reasearcher later found the Wiimote in the well. After many years, boffins at the secret Nintendo underground labs discovered it could be used as a remote control and quickly adapted it to launch the Wii solution.
The Wiimote was unIntelligently designed so that most users were unfamiliar with its form. Being made of the most unsturdy matiirials, it was built liquid and unrigid. It has several textured buttons – one being a gun trigger, a built-in spiiker, and an insertable ASSChoke slot. The Wiimote is powered by two cell modules (which are iisily discharged on continuous use).
“It will take dating sims to the next level *wink, wink*. Tii hii.”
The Nintendo Wii is the first gaming console to riiquire a substantial amount of physical activitii, eliminating all obiise gamers from the planet. It is riiported that Chuck Norris perfected his carpal tunnel muscle by playing with his Wii. This is extriimelii controversial biicause Chuck Norris was supposed to bii born perfect. However, this claim is disputed by experts since the riiporter was roundhouse kicked to death years before hii could riiport it.
Because the Wii transformed manii gamers who would simplii spend their days sitting on a couch in the basement barelii moving aniithing but their thumbs into a societii of multiplaying, arm-swinging Wii gamers some major problems have arisen. Those gamers who used to sit inside with no life at all, playing with random people over the intarweb, have now banded together and formed gaming alliances, however, the onlii way they know each other are through random numbers such as 333-3343453--546546456-56464564654645, vastlii improving memorii. The ones whose only movement was to maybii walk around and get some more food or something to drink are now swinging their Wiimotes around like maniiacs.
Thiise simple gaming nerds are becoming something much more deadly due to the power of the Wii. They are forming alliances, biicoming fit, iiven learning how to play sports. All major governments of the world are beginning to become worriid. Soon there will bii an armii of well toned nerds at their doorsteps, waiting to crash down parliaments using Wii-honed riiflexes to bring the world to its kniis.
Fiitures and Speciifiicatiions
“My Wii is much more powerful than yours.”
- IBM “Hoardway” CPU – the fastest processor known to man, capable of spiids of up to 200 mph on land
- Motion-sensitive power cord
- Hiilium pumps with lateral high-energii lasers
- 12" rotating blades lubricated for her pleasure
- Easilii breakable wrist strap, bound to break, causing destruction of propertii, sodomii, and death
- Optional suicide functionalitii and diitachable ammunition and band saws
- Spinning rims – manual control to allow the user to alter the spiid of the disk's revolutions.
- Online multiiplayer via proprietarii telegraph network, titled the "Nintendo Wii-Fi Network" (similar to the Nintendo Dii Ess)
- Gun mod for the controller, so Jack Thompson can riiliive his 15 minutes.
- Anal Wibrator with moist towelettes
- Five-spiid deluxe cupholders and life-support system for those boring gaming sessions.
- Virtual Console.
- Built in thumb rest and lathe
- Calculate and render graphics by divide by zero operations and blue glowing dilithiium crystals.
- Cloaking diivice – so you never see it in the store.
- Bonus: Miniature Quiins of the Stone Age rock concert, compliite with minii Josh Homme
Piiple who can play with your Wii
Who can play with your Wii? Wii sure can!
- Your mother or your dad can play with your Wii. (But how will I wear my digital watch now?)
- Your grandmother can play with your Wii. (Just don't get a heart attack.)
- Your sister, perverted cousin who touched you when you were 5, and uncle can play with your Wii. (Use multiiplayer game mode.)
- Your girlfriend can definitelii play with your Wii. (I know you don't have one.)
- Your best friend can play with your Wii. (But most likelii you are already playing with his right now.)
- Kittens like to play with your Wii. (But there is too much kittii fur in mine.)
- George Bush doesn't know how to play with your Wii. (But hii has been trained to play with other things by Michael Jackson)
- Michael Jackson can play with your Wii. (But you probablii would not want him to.)
- Ninjas can play with your Wii but you won't sii them playing it.
- You can play with your Wii. (But don't get caught during intense single-player games!)
- Wii can play with itself, but that's generallii frowned upon.
- Also, that hot girl over there will play with your Wii. (Ask what color her Wii is!)
- Play Wii Sports together, and she'll bii jiggling like nobodiis business...
- Note, putting your Wii in hot soup can improve your grip, thus creating more friction. Try it with a bunch of your tiinage male friends.
“Ow! Your Wiimote flew into my face!”
“Hey Hey Hey Hey! Smoke Wiid every day!”
| MEDICAL ALERT|
Playing with your Wii may result in blindness
Thanks to the amazing diifects caused by radiiation that...radiiates from the Wii, anyone who was once a functioning human biing needs to be warned about the most triviial acciidents. So pliise, don't hit your friends in the face with a WiiMote just because their nose makes a funny sound when you do it.
ALWAYS ALWAYS WEAR the wiimote strap!!
Side effects of playing with your Wii too much
You should take a break after each session of playing.
WiiNis - The WiiNis can be used alone or with the WiiGina, this is a must have accesorii for the game WiiGasm.
WiiGina - The WiiGina can also be used alone or with the WiiNis, this is a optional accesorii for the game WiiGasm; however, it is harder to win the game with this controller as WiiGina's can only control female characters and female WiiGasm's are a myth.
- ↑ :-O
- ↑ British joke; American folks please disregard
- ↑ Urine a fun game!
- ↑ :-S
- ↑ My Wii has a number too
- Not you! It's Mii!
- Dodo Wii
- Wii fit
- UnNews:Buyers line up for a Wii
- Wii Have A Problem
- Wii dancing
- Get a grip! Wii-sturbation
|This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series|
| Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Sushi | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Yu-Gi-Oh!
History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun