User:ORION/Extreme Kitten Huffing: Addictions
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CALLING ALL ANTIHUFFERS
PLEASE help NHK!!! His article has recently died, and is in need of great assistance!
CALLING ALL ANTIHUFFERS
Extreme Kitten Huffing Addictions are a major threat to the world.
Kitten Huffing is a practice invented by King George "Holy Shit He Is High Off His Royal Ass" the 1337. One bright and sunny day, George the 1337th was shaving his pubes in his throne and writing the play "All My Sons" whilst blowing lines of cocaine off of a dragon's tail.
As the day wore on and the coke supplies dwindled, King George was ROYALLY fucked up. However, he was also becoming very bored and suffering from writers' block. He summoned his jester for entertainment. This proved to be entertaining because King George fed his jester to the peasants, gay little bells and all.
Point is, after watching all the peasants and minorities eat, Georgie Boy was hungry. He screamed for his wife, Queen Kittycat McWhiskers, to "MAKE A SAMMICH". However, the Queen was busy shitting in the litterbox. So George was like "fuckthatshit im fucking hungry and too coked out to go to the royal kitchen. George snatched a tower from his castle, ripped off the roof, stuck it up his nose, and huffed his Queen Kittycat McWhiskers.
edit How it works
Macedonian studies show that cats and only cats produce an incredibly strong chemical called "Chemohelvagiganine". Once even a drop is taken in, it stimulates the pleasure center of the brain so much, that the "huffer" feels no pain, no emotion, starts hallucinating, gets sexually aroused, sometimes has an ejaculation (or maybe an orgasm, even though intercourse has not taken place.), and cannot stand up. Maybe even more feelings take place for the hour it lasts. After one hour, it all blows over (even though the erection may last for another hour), and the person feels very exausted, and falls asleep. When they wake up, they are extremely grumpy and cannot be aroused. If you feel this way after huffing, you are hooked.
“Is there any way to get rid of the addiction?”
Tony, I'm afraid not. Scientists have not found away to get the person off the chemical. Once they use it, the brain constantly needs it, and they are hooked for life.
“So... You can't have a cat around your face without getting high?”
No. It does not work that way. You must actually want to huff the kitten or have the hair of a shedding cat enter your nostrils, but most people use an instrument and actually "huff" the cat with it. But, there is one thing about the Siamese breed. Siamese cats may partially produce the chemical. It is a feline abnormality only found in the Siamese cat breed, which is not as rare as complete Non-Huffability. This chemical acts as a strong pheromone to other cats. It is a condition called "Hypochemhelvagiganism". Only about 0.0001% of this species of cat are only partially huffable. The Orange Tabby breed of cats are the only species of cat that has any known probability of a cat being Non-Huffable; this probability is only about 0.0000000000001%.
| COMMON SENSE SAYS|
July 20, 2007: It is a common misconception that the only Non-Huffable Kitten is a Siamese cat, but the truth is that it is an Orange Tabby, which will make most orange cat owners think that their kitten is Non-Huffable.
“Does it affect women?”
Yes, it does, but differently. First off, much more must be huffed to actually get a rise. Just a little bit for 10 days enlarges the breast to 3-5 times their size (it is commonly used in breast-enhancement pills). It is in the pill called "Ruebochemin (Chemohelvagiganine)".
“I DO NOT HUFF CATS, DAMNIT!”
“This lie is even funnier then the Partially Huffable Kitten!”
Not exactly a question but, you shithead, allow me to shed a little light on that! I have a photo of you so fucking high you are confused!
I also have a picture of the cat he huffs so damn much! He huffed it so much, it now has a condition called Hyper-Huffed Syndrome! That cat is obviously starving, and currently has a metabolic disease!
If you post a quote on this page one more time that has something to do with you "not huffing kittens", I am going to come to your house and rape you up your ass! Then! Take you down to an alley, and blow your face off with a shotgun!!!
“I knew it!”
edit Possible complications
As the surgeon general said in the quotes, it does cause brown-dong (complication of Brown-Rot) and Sithilis B. But it can also cause cancer, wither (skin necrosis), pulmonary-witbane (lung necrosis), and cerebal-witbane (brain necrosis), in addition to Sithilis B and Brown-Rot. It also causes brainsplurges.
edit Threatening phenomenon
A secret research outpost in Macedonia has now confirmed, on June 16, 2007, that there are many more kittens with the NH condition that before! A new, extremely rare Persian breed (Veracruz Persian) carries the condition. This is no threat, but there is a very abundant breed called the American Calico. It carries the condition NH. There is also a new bacteria that infects cats. This bacteria produces the enzyme that causes NH, and a lot of it! It is everywhere, too. It is called Chevogninus Herogoonae. Please see the updated article of Huffer's Syndrome, and the article of this, THS.
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