User:Novel/Rebecca Black

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Rebecca Black
RB sucks
Date of birth: Friday/13th/1997
Place of birth: Possibly Canada
Nationality: Possibly Canadian
Died Friday/14th/2011
Victim of Black Plague
Occupation Pop Sensation; Idealist; Motor Vehicle Law Student, Bio-Chemical Engineer
“I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say never.”
~ Justin Bieber on if there will ever be a duet with him and Rebecca

Rebecca Black, youngest daughter of Douglas and Sarah Black, was an international teen-pop sensation, topping the charts and YouTube for 6 consecutive Fridays.

Rebecca is famously known for her ability to live life to the fullest. After her hit single Friday dominated the charts, she went on to become an inventor, while studying for a MVL degree (Motor Vehicle Law). She failed after 2 years, and suffered some depression due to it. She then went on to study HM79-Virus (Bieber Fever in some countries), though was arrested when she was found using the research to start a new evolutionary virus (entitled "Black Plague) by the government). She was later diagnosed with her own virus, and died after an extended time in hospitalization.

edit Troubled Childhood

Rebecca was born on Friday the 13th to Douglas and Sarah Black as an only child. When she once had a fever at age 3, her parents confirm her problems with sitting in the waiting room.

"She started screaming. Yelling. Her eyes were wide, staring at the empty seats like they were life choices. She started pointing wildly at them, first at the back, then at the front. It was horrible to see our baby so traumatized." says Douglas Black. Teachers also reveal that Rebecca had the same problem every morning when entering class when she was 7.

Rebecca was admitted to a psychologist who diagnosed her with various phobias. One of which is a fear of having to pick between two things (mainly empty seats), even when one of them is already taken by someone else. Rebecca made a remarkable recovery from this, after being taught that the car boot can also be used as a seat.

edit Teen Years

Rebecca studied at Orange County, where she was heavily monitored due to her high level of needs. She was assigned a seat before she was assigned in case she had difficulties making another choice. Her mom, Sandra, confirmed that she was reacting well to the medication for her phobias, saying that she "Now can, in a rush to get to school, pick between an empty cereal box and a full cereal box with little hesitation."

Rebecca proved to be a rebel in school, starting a club about Fried Eggs, against the principle's will. When she was approached by a teacher, it was revealed that her mental health was lower then expected, as she had tried to pronounce "Friday", and it came out as Fried Egg. She was asked by the school psychologist about what she wanted to do next, and she made the famous remark;

"I don't care about the money! I just want to sing! I'm 13 and I have boobs so I must certainly have talent!"

edit 'Friday' and Fame

Black's debut "Friday" purposefully portrays an average lifestyle of an every-child and raises a series of seemingly trivial questions that no normal person would think twice about. This sedated, anxiety-driven way of living described by the lyrics is in stark contrast to the carefree attitudes promoted by many of Black's contemporaries. Writer Clarence Jey comments on the song that "the concept [he and Patrice Wilson, the rapper appeared in the music video] feel seems to have crossed a lot of boundaries, for the better or worse." Mind-numbingly mundane queries such as "Which seat can I take?" are raised in the verses. Ordinary life and trivia such as having cereal for breakfast, taking public transport to school and the fact that Sunday comes after Saturday are painstakingly introduced to the audience in the finest possible of details. Such embracing of naive simplicity, albeit outlandish, is central to the philosophy of Dada. Furthermore, the seemingly bizarre lyrical style, the cobbled-together green-screen effects and the poorly choreographed dance routines also serve as a contrast to the glittery, over-stylized approach preferred by major recording studios. Some art historians even compare the lyrics of "Friday" to other songs from the same period and conclude that "Friday" is a work of satire and parody towards its more popular counterparts.

Rebecca Black said that the song was meant to be a joke on Good Morning America. After the hostess, Robin Roberts, humorously tells Rebecca about how she is so happy about it being a joke, Rebecca starts breaking out in tears, saying she was kidding. Robin Roberts has been taken into custody of child abuse after the instance.

The song has faired much better on YouTube then on ITunes. Becoming one of the most liked videos on YouTube overnight while took 2 Fridays before entering the top 100 on ITunes.

edit Failing

Rebecca failed 7th grade due to numerous reasons. A letter has been sent to her parents near the end of the year, stating:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Black

Your child, Rebecca, will possibly not be accepted next year to receive an education at Orange County. We understand how difficult this may be for both of you, with Rebecca's mental is issues with learning. While we do understand that she is mentally challenged, our school does not have the correct facilities for Rebecca to study in and achieve her best. We also understand that Rebecca is quite the, how do the young ones say, Rocker? Yes. We would like to give applause to her music success, though we do not believe that this softens our reasons for wanting her to choose go to another place of education.


Now, first we want to address Rebecca's ridiculous claims in Motor Vehicle Law. Mrs. Groule, the MVL-course teacher, has complained numerous times about Rebecca's actions in class. She has answered, on numerous exams, that it is legal to drive at the age of 13, and that it is indeed legal to stand up in a roofless car moving at 60 miles per hours. When the teacher approached her and asked why she would ever answer these things on a final exam, Rebecca said because it is legal on a Friday. We ask both of you, as parents, to tell her that this is dangerous and indeed not legal.


In history, one of Rebecca's better subjects, she has been exceptionally irritating persistent with her ideas, insulting the World Weekly Calender, saying and I quote "It's lies! It's lies! Yesterday was Thursday, tomorrow it's Saturday, and Sunday afterwards!". This happened last Tuesday.

While Rebecca can be a slight hassle, she has the mind of a genius. I ask you to please choose a new school for young Black, I ask you please go to a recommended school, as I know Rebecca will have problems choosing new subjects. Please, tell Rebecca that this is not an insult to her. We wish her all the best. Also tell her I wish her a nice weekend.


- Principle Bellatrix Lestrange

edit Panic Attack

Rebecca Black Nightmare

Rebecca reportedly started hyperventilating after walking into an empty stadium. Black failed to make a seat choice, before falling into a full blown panic attack.

Rebecca

edit Bio-Chemical Research and Scandal

edit Death and Legacy

edit Bibliography

Rebecca has published numerous works of literature in her life, the most notable being the Planning Before Friday series, a romance focusing on the life of Yvetta Royce and her difficulties with making decisions. The series was widely popular till the final novel, Planning Before Friday: Last Love, where Bella Squire is revealed to be behind locking John in the 6-seat car, leading to his death.

She has also published a less successful satire novel, The Calender Lies.

  1. The Calender Lies
  2. Planning Before Friday: A Tale of Decisions
  1. Planning Before Friday: I Took The Back Seat
  2. Planning Before Friday: A Pedo Took The Front Seat
  3. Planning Before Friday: Why Is It Suddenly Night?
  4. Planning Before Friday: Last Love
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