User:NoNamesLeft/Capital

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
CapitalBlazes
The international symbol for "capital".
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for humour?

The term capital typically refers to the to area of a country or state that has a special leadership status or role. In technical terms, the capital city is "large and in charge." The capital is almost always a city which physically encompasses the offices and meeting places of the seat of government. This may at first appear to be a purely positive thing, but this is not the case: capitals are magnets for hungry lobbyists, parasitical politicians, devious dictators, and invading armies. In the immortal words of Oscar Wilde: "The only thing worse than not being the capital, is being the capital." Indeed, capital cities are not even usually very funny, except in certain Third World countries, where they can be downright hilarious.

edit Etymology

The word capital is derived from the Latin put a cap in yo' ass meaning "when the war comes, this place will be the first to be attacked."

edit History

Ancient governments used to meet in random caves, but they eventually decided it would be a good idea to have a fixed meeting place, preferably in a central location with a sizable population. Hence, modern capitals were born. Places like London, England and Paris, France came to be capitals in this manner. Historically, the major economic center of a state or region often thus became the focal point of political power, and became a capital through conquest or federation. As alluded to above, capital cities naturally attracted politically-motivated people and those whose skills were needed for efficient administration of national or imperial governments, such as lawyers, parasites, and kings.

There are some famous exceptions to this rule of development in the annals of history. The most notable is Rome, which was founded by two child twins who were suckled from the breasts of a she-wolf, and who decided for some reason that Rome with its seven hills would make a good capital city for wolfmen. Another famous exception to the rule is Washington, D.C., the capital of the United States. For some reason lost to history, the first independent Americans decided to build their capital in the middle of a hellhole swamp between the American states of Virginia and Maryland.

edit Pathetic/Hilarious Third World Capitals

Blast
New Mexico is a capital to be avoided at all costs.

Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, is the site of a giant hotel that has never been finished by thecommunist government of that country. This is funny because NOBODY wants to visit North Korea.

45334942 bokassacoronation466
A random scene from a random African capital.

Many African countries have funny capitals, mainly because of the false pomp that surrounds the election/coronation of African leaders.

And let's not forget New Mexico, the capital of Nuclear Arms testing.

edit Capitals in military strategy

The capital city is always the primary target in a war, as capturing it guarantees capture of the enemy government, victory for the attacking forces, and demoralization for the defeated forces. The lesson here is clear: people should steer clear of the capital if they are looking for quality of life and their country is a target for attack by terrorists or another nation.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects