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Welcome to Ninja Man's version of the main page of Uncyclopedia,

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30,695 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Town meeting - BioShock

Yesterday's Featured Article - BioShock

BioShock cover

BioShock is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on HBO after the kids are meant to be in bed.

The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of Quavers in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.

Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Syria, featured on 24 September 2012. See the featured version.
Unfomercials:Bulimic Barbee, featured on 24 September 2010. See the featured version.
UnMysteries:The Mysterious Affair at the World War Two Convention, featured on 24 September 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

In the news

On this day...

Weasel Stomping Day

September 24: Mudkip Appreciation Day

  • 3000 BC - Greek philosopher Atheises founds the Order of Dyslexic Atheists and declares as its motto "Thert isi thaer no doG!"
  • 1541 - Paracelsus, Swiss alchemist, passes away after being drained by a bitter rivalry with the alchemist Parafahrenheit.
  • 1789 - United States History: the position of Attorney General is established, to act as general over the army of attorneys raised during the Revolutionary War.
  • 1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower the nation's first National Monument after obsessively sculpting the rock formation in mashed potatoes.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler gets into a hedge dispute with his Polish neighbour.
  • 1944 - France is liberated by the allied forces. Riots ensue.
  • 1960 - Chuck Norris hires a Vietnamese plumber. Vietnam is still recovering.
  • 1991 - Jesus found alive and well in a Manchester crackhouse
  • 1993 - Karl Marx personal diaries discovered, Marxism apparently was just a wind up to bug the Americans.
  • 2003 - George Bush declares war on Legoland
  • 2007 - The last day of Adventalo, the gathering of millions of nerds awaiting the coming of the chiefus christ
  • 2008 - War Veteran, Big Bird committed suicide after receiving hate mail for accidentally sinking china when he flushed the toilet
  • 2009 - All 8 followers of the new found religion Walmartism are sentenced to death after reports of attacks on rivalry gangs The "Food Lion Elite"
  • 2010 - United States of America takes over Japan Renaming it Coca Cola
  • 2022 - Michael Jackson sues himself for sexual assault and wins. He celebrates by sexually assaulting himself again.
  • 2342 - Somebody gets fired on their birthday from school.
  • 2351 - Walmart declares war on Islam. Millions die.

Featured picture

Fantanatics3

Say kids, is that Jihad thirsty work or what? Get some refreshment with a Fantanatic!

Image Credit: Hindleyite
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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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