Today's Featured Article -
Yesterday's Featured Article - Warranty
IMPORTANT PIECE OF PAPER! DO NOT BLINDLY THROW AWAY BEFORE READING. Thank you for purchasing a free copy of Uncyclopedia to read in your web browser, courtesy of Uncyclopedia Inc.! We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed making it. To guarantee your complete satisfaction with our product, we have included a 1-year limited warranty, which covers your copy starting at the moment you loaded it in your tab. Read below for the full terms and conditions prior to using this product.
For the purposes of clarifying further sections in this document, our lawyers have conveniently decided to define the following terms. They could have been happy English majors employed to work on a reputable dictionary, but they instead had to fall back on a law career and can now only enjoy offering shorthand to making reading legalese a bit easier for lesser humans. Please take the time to read this section if you want any hope of understanding the rest, assuming you can remember all of this.
- "Agreement" - This agreement. Hope that clears up any confusion before we proceed further.
- "Limited Warranty Period" - The time span during which this Agreement is effective.
- "You" - Take a wild guess. If you have multiple personality disorder, this Agreement applies equally to you, you, you, and you.
- "Product" - The Uncyclopedia website, and all the hilarious articles it contains.
- "Reseller" - Your ISP, whether it be Comcast or your neighbor's unsecured WiFi router.
- "The Company" - Uncyclopedia Inc. and everyone who contributes to it.
Did you know...
|*...that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
In the news
On this day...
August 29: International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day
- 328,987 BC - at 4:02pm Goats Evolve from Dolphins.
- 240v AC- Electricity became the new fad in tribes.
- 33 AD - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
- 1189 - Ban Kulin wrote The Charter of Kulin, which was later banned.
- 1490-something - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
- 1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
- 1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California
- 1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
- 1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
- 1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectivly clogging arteries across the nation.
- 1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, nothing happens.
- 1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr Julius Pringle in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
- 1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. Soundtrack available from Arista. Shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View. Presented by Snickers. "Hungry? Why Wait?"
- 2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze.
- 2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt.
- 2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. Seems they dress in similar fashion.
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