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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: California

Yesterday's Featured Article - British ski jumpers

Eddie edwards3

The imperialist ambitions of the United Kingdom used to be expressed through colonisation of half of the known world and a complete exploitation of everything it had and it did not have to offer. Nowadays, this behaviour being virtually impossible due to the pressure from the part of the UN and NATO, the British decided to conquer the world of sports. Unfortunately, their plans are usually ruined by different countries, depending on what discipline Britain tries to compete in. In cricket the country is beaten by South Africa, in soccer by Italy and in ice hockey by most of the known countries, whether Northern or Southern. Such losses on multiple fronts have urged England to create several entirely new sports disciplines, which only the British would know how to compete at, notably "unsuccessful ski jumping". Unsuccessful ski jumping is roughly the same as the usual ski jumping with the only difference being the fact that British ski jumpers have, since the dawn of sports, been trained to fail. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured George Washington, featured on 30 November 2011. See the featured version.
Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, featured on 30 November 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ...that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ...that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ...that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ...that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?

In the news

On this day...


November 30: Vandalize Wikipedia Day ON WHEELS!!!

  • NARF NARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • 53 - Roman general Steralusis accidentally steps in world's biggest pile of shit and is made Roman God of phoesis.
  • 1666 - Apparently, after good old Jack the Ripper offended the Jews with his shitty jokes, They unleashed the common cold onto London. Thousands die.
  • 1670 - The finger fuck day celebrated worldwide for the first time, after the discovery of male g-spot orgasm. Males all around the world commented "Now we also know that we can get an orgasm through multiple ways. We're not feeling inferior to females anymore, and it's great!"
  • 1825 - World's first railway line opens between Stockten and Darlington, England. Rail commuters are left waiting for a train until 1849. British Rail blames scheduled trackwork and weather for the delay.
  • 1900 - Oscar Wilde is fucking killed by Steve Ballmer. This then begins his career of making quotes about hundreds of Uncyclopedia articles.
  • 1950 Ron Jeremy loses virginity before he is born.
  • 1963 - Dalek invasion of Earth. US President JFK is accidentally exterminated when he is mistaken for Doctor Who. After being killed, JFK vows to put a man on Skaro before the summer of love.
  • 1984 - Big Brother finally assumes power - assumes power of levitation. His assumption was false, and he died trying to fly out of the window of his 6th storey one-room apartment in Brooklyn.
  • 1987 - Pac-Man dies of obesity in his home in California. Diet of dots and the ghosts of Christmas Past blamed.
  • 1998 - Bizarro, a confused being that randomly destroys stuff, accidentally stomps on an orphanage, thus, begins the 20 year Bizarrophan war.
  • 1999 - The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, but currently known as Wanker, decides that he'd rather party like it was 1983
  • 2034 - The great Aztek Reich of Nazi Mexico is established for 100,000,000,000,000 years.
  • 2002 - The documentary Harry Potter and The Chamber Pot of Secrets airs on BBC2. Controversy reigns when it is claimed that a budgetary hole just appeared like magic. Tony Blair disbands the Ministry of Magic and replaces it with a new portfolio, The Ministry of Sound.
  • 2005 - Cloud Strife, in a major change of disposition, does something.
  • 2006 - Thousands wait outside of WalMart to buy Microsoft Vista. However, was turn away when it was delayed for another 5 years.
  • 2007 - You are banned from Wikipedia, you cry.
  • 2010 - Volkswagen officially gives away the rights to use their logo (VW) to support Vandalize Wikipedia day.
  • Today - Some Dude rob another dude
  • Today - In Soviet Russia, Some Dude rob YOU!

Featured picture

Lance brick

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image Credit: Sunsneezer
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Recent Articles

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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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