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Today's Featured Article -

Yesterday's Featured Article - UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again

OedipusKing2

Oedipus Rex Rides Again is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by Sophocles' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable library - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids nothing, the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.

Classical literature (as everyone knows) was born from a screaming need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated plots or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded heroes hell-bent on destroying whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Holy Bible are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.

To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words Achilles aims at his friend Polycarbon: "Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild boar, not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place." (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Sania Mirza, featured on 22 August 2008. See the featured version.Sania Mirza, featured on {{{date}}}. See the featured version.
It's Not You, It's Me, featured on 28 July 2011. See the featured version.
Cracker Barrel, featured on 28 July 2010. See the featured version.
Stone the Israeli Tank, featured on 28 July 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • ...me too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • ...me too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • ...me too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?

In the news

On this day...

Chocolate

July 28: National Fondue and Chocolate Day (Switzerland) (pictured)

  • 1020 - Swiss man Arkov Chenbort accidentally drops chocolate into vat of fondue. Entire village enjoys snack.
  • 1439 - A continent-wide fondue shortage in Europe causes citizens to whine, moan, complain, and otherwise be unhappy.
  • 1794 - Robespierre is sent to the guillotine for declaring white chocolate the Chocolate of the Revolution...and for thinking July could be renamed Thermedor.
  • 1956 - The first video game is introduced, allowing the player to move a dot to one of two locations on a projected screen using punch cards. Legendary gamer AAA makes his debut, setting the all-time high score of 13, which stands to this day.
  • 1972 - On a trip to Vietnam, Jane Fondue is captured in a photograph that caused chocolate sales to soar, at least to her for a while.
  • 1999 - After widespread internet rumors concerning chocolate shortages are proven to be false, many of the instigators are banned from the internet.
  • 2007 - Bashing one's head against a brick wall is officially substitued for fondue and chocolate in some of the poorer areas of the world.

Featured picture

Pontius pilot

The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.

Image Credit: Savethemooses
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Recent Articles

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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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