User:Naughtyned/Boogieman

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The Boogieman is often confused with The Bogeyman because of their identical sounding names, but The Boogieman is 1000 times worse than The Bogeyman. The Bogeyman will, at worst, skin you alive, cook you and eat you. The Boogieman, AKA The Boogie-Woogie Man or The Boogerman has a far more sinister plan - to turn the entire world into one giant lump of dried mucous. And slowly drown every human being into a slow and painful death resulting in world domination.

The Boogieman's ultimate plot must wait until he finds a way to destroy the immune systems of all organisms prone to colds, flus, allergies, and sinus infections (he is believed to have created AIDS as a beta-test project for this purpose). In the meantime, he spreads misery as much as current conditions make possible. His favorite tactics all start with infecting his victims with The Rockin' Pneumonia and The Boogie-Woogie Flu. Then when their nasal passages are good and stuffy, he will sneak into their homes while they sleep, pick their noses, and use their own boogies against them:

  • 1. Sometimes he will stuff pieces of dried snot into the victim's rectum, one at a time until the victim's intestines explode, this is known as the "Put the Boogie in your Butt" technique. [1]
  • 2. Other times he will take still moist nasal drippings, place them in a bucket, and place the victim’s feet in the bucket. When the snot dries, he dumps the victim in a river to drown, weighted down by "Boogie Shoes."[2]
  • 3. Worst of all, he may dump a bag of boogies into a thick meaty soup while it cooks unattended. Since the large boogies he uses resemble chunks of potato, the intended victims often don't notice until they take their first bites. Then it is too late; the poisoned boogers cause 8 hours of convulsions, vomiting, loss of control over bladder and bowels, and, of course, sneezing and coughing up mucous. This is followed by certain and unavoidable death as there is no known antidote to the poison. This technique is known as the "Boogie with Stew."[3]

Use extreme caution if there is the slightest possiblity that The Boogieman is present and always keep the following advice in mind:

“You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but The Boogieman is not your friend, and God help you if he picks your nose!”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Boogieman

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