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Ye Declaration of Nakedman
In CONGRESS, June 16, 2006
The unanimous Declaration of the Naked Man,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person who pretends to hate Wikipedia, yet checks it every day, to dissolve the bands of editing there because doing such is "totally gay," and instead post somewhere else where he can waste the taxpayer’s money because he is a civil servant who simply doodles on a computer at work, a decent respect to the opinions of Oscar Wilde (but never Kanye West) requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to contribute useless gibberish to Uncyclopedia, and their philosophy on contributions.
Such are these declarations of principles:
- Nakedman thusly declares that Wikipedia started becoming very famous, and I started reading it. However, I never created an account there because it is totally lame. Thus I am inexperienced with all this strange wiki formatting, but learning slowly. I mean signing your name with four tildes? What the hell is up with that?
- Nakedman thusly declares that contributing fake stuff is much harder than contributing real stuff. When contributing to Wikipedia, one needs to simply state the facts. In Unclyclopedia, non-facts rule over all (ignore that last sentence, everything here is true)... and thus it is much harder because the basis of keeping and editing material is what is funny instead of what is true. For instance, when writing about Christopher Columbus on Wikipedia, you say what is true. But on Uncylopedia – which is funnier: that he found the world to be flat, or that he landed successfully in India?
- Nakedman thusly declares that political "comedy" such as generic Bush-bashing is not funny. The only think less funny than that is perhaps ludicrous birth and death dates for individuals. Ho ho! You’re telling me that Thomas Jefferson was born in 46AD? WOW! That’s wrong so it must be funny! What true comedic genius. Say, I sure hope he comes back as a zombie! That’s the only way that article could get any better!
- Nakedman thusly declaresd that continuity is funny, and that seeing one thing that is referenced in one article within another article as well makes both funnier. This is because continual self-reference and in-jokes will never stop being funny I say, NEVER! However, one some occasions this is not possible. In which case, I just forget about it and move on. I mean this is fucking Uncyclopedia for Christ’s sake. I’m not going to loose any sleep over it.
- Nakedman thusly declares his principles for how to edit. Sometimes if I have an idea that I think is a funny idea, I'll create a new article. I will try to keep this activity down to only when I think it’s really good. Otherwise, I should set out to expand existing stubs.
- Nakedman thusly declares that he shall remain loyal to the principles of UN:HTBFANJS. When it suits me. I will look around to see what already sometimes exists on a subject. Sometimes if I think I can enhance things, I will add my own stuff while preserving the items of those before me. However, and other times I will just slash and burn with furious might, and destroy your totally unfunny material. I will look at requested rewrites and NRVs to see if anything inspires me to fix it. You should do that too. UN:PEE and that requested article thingie. Meh, I’m too lazy too look up what the link is to that, just like the people who request them are too damn lazy to write them.
- Nakedman thusly declared that, although I shall occasionally upload images when he thinks they can support an article, I will attempt to not be a picture whore that uploads them all the time. I vow to actually search for already existing images at Uncylopedia and see if anything good exists before making something "new" that might be similar to what is already around.
- Nakedman thusly declares that there should be many, many, many more articles like Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One. With lots of pictures.
- Nakedman thusly declares that hitting the Random Page button to fix random articles is a fun way to waste time.
- Nakedman thusly declares that userboxes are evil, and shall not put any up. I do not care if you know my nationality, sex, or whether or not I am asplode.
Such are the things that Nakedman finds to be funny:
- Captains as Lieutenants. Do not question why, it just is.
- The Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot
- This thing. Oh man, is it totally awesome or what?
- Anything that I have written. Ever. Except for the things that aren’t funny. Ignore those, and pretend like I never made them.
And I have my moments too:
- My rewrite of Calvin and Hobbes, with the kindly help of some others, became totally featured. Now I can justify all that unemployment following my liberal arts degrees.