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|The King of the World|
|Occupation||King, God, Devil, Presidaint|
“Shut yir fookin' mouth!”
“Holy Shit!!! Hide!!!”
is some kind of satanic god/devil aged about two hundred quadrillion and one years old. He has been known to shoot fire from his eyes at weaklings from his tower of nocturnal supremacy. Even though he appears to be 5'10", he is actually 4 miles tall and looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger but with 10 times muscle mass and red, firey skin.
Before time even began, Harry floated around with other buddies like Satan and Lucifer slapping around their little bitches. After a few quadrillion years, so-called 'God' chewed throuch his shackle and sneakily started building the earth while Lucifer beat the crap out of Jesus screaming 'Where is the rebel base? Talk!!!'. After a week Harry found god molesting a couple of civilians. Harry promptly called over Satan, where they immediatley sellotaped God to the sky 'for a joke'. Then God glamorised the sky and called it 'Heaven'.
Soon after, when Adam and Eve started banging and populating the world, Harry and the guys sat around in hell slapping immortal souls around, taking drugs, playing video games, setting fire to things, betting eachother to do stuff, blowing things up, crushing chavs and generally having a ball.
Around 2000 years BC Harry stormed up to heaven, kicked God's door down and started bitching about chicken penang bites (for a bet). God got terribly angry and threw a potato at Harry's head. Satan and Behemoth, who were watching this and giggling, crashed through the window and drove God's face into a coconut custard pie with whipped cream. Harry then picked up the potato and shoved it up God's arsehole, which makes God grumpy and venegeful to this day.
On 20 April 1889 Harry Staggered up to earth as Adolf Hitler and decided to wipe out 10 million people 'for a joke'. Harry thought it would be funny to kill all those people, but most of the world's population didn't think it was very funny. But Harry didn't care because he had power over them. In 1946 Satan said he really needed to talk to Harry about a bet involving a nuclear warhead and a japanese city, so he killed himself to talk business.
Many years later in 1992 Harry was forced into the world again over another bet. This time he came as Harry Whittaker. This time he will kill about 40 people by strangling his victims, seperating their bodies into bones and flesh (bones he will smash into a powder and scatter around a field, flesh he will chop up into chunks and throw into a landfill site) and then run away to Hong Kong and live on chinese food.
In the Great Book of English, written by Harry Whittaker in Year 6, he writes stuff that glorifies his holiness. Extracts:
We went through a drive through and we saw a large clump of animals in a concrete box the size of a wooden shed. We accidentally crushed a bear's neck. Then a rhino tipped over the bus. Then we saw a spastic monkey eating a banana.
Should dogs be banned from parks?
People like taking their dogs to the park. It gives the children plenty of fun stepping in dog poo.
People that leave dog poo to be stepped in say that it rots down in half an hour, unlike millions of polystyrene and plastic bottles and newspapers and rubbish like that will ruin the environment so much that people can't walk and nobody will come to this town. It sets a bad influence on children and adults in other towns and will make the litter population grow and grow until the galaxy will be a swirling ball of litter!
However, kids and adults wish that dog owners would clean up all the old poo including the scraps and traces and put it in their waste paper basket in their living room! In a million years people will dig it up and say "what's this? eh?". Hopefully all dogs will have a horrible disease where jelly growths grow on the side of their face and it is all red and painful and really horrible and ugly and wriggly. After a year or 2 of epileptic fits, throbbing pain, and unconciousness, their eyeballs fall out and their heart suddenly explodes.
Once upon a time in a tellytubby land far, far, far away, Mr. Queer rode home on his tricycle. When he got home He made some tubby custard and went on the phone and hired a cleaner. Then the kids and wife came home to find noo-noo sucking up tubby-toast crumbs. Then the family sat down to eat dog poo samdwiches for tea. then they fed their pet sewage rat they found in a drain. They feed him bits of his own waste products. Ding dong. It was the Tweenies. "Ooh!" said scumhole. "here are my friends.". The Tweenies told scumhole and batty (kids) a story about a bully. Then the tweenies said "song time!!". "THAT'S ENOUGH!!" screamed Mr. Queer. Mr. Queer pushed them out and slammed the doof behing them. "losers," said Mr. Queer. Then there was a funny gurgling noise from upstairs. They all went up and found noo-noo sucking up old tiolet water. Then they went to bed as soon as po picked up noo-noo. Scumhole had a dream that he was a super hero called codger man. 'the man with codger powers'. Batty's dream was a nightmare. His nightmare was that he was a normal, civilized human being. Mr and Mrs Queer's dream were nothing. They don't have dreams because they're weird. Then they woke up and ate tubby toast for breakfast. Then they fed Sew. Then a horrible, smelly, ugly murderer broke in the house and stabbed them all.
|Gyromite theme (file info)|
|Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee... doodoodoo doodoodoo|
- Talk to thy GOD!!!
- Cradle of Filth
|King of the World|
∞ BC - ???? AD