User:NFS Kagami Hiiragi/Touhou

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“Eye'm teh strongest!”
~ Cirno on being a baka as usual
“Leave now, you do not belong here”
~ Hong Meirin on guarding a Burger King
“May I have some Tofu?”
~ Japanese Fag on wanting something to eat
“What did you call me?”
~ Suigintou(hou) on being made fun of
“Hahaha take that fuckin bitch!”
~ Cirno on ⑨/11, after destroying the Twin Towers in NYC
“Who turned off the lights? I can't se-OH NO!!! *gets eaten alive*”
~ Hans Blix on Wondering why there is a thunderstorm.
“Once, I took 10 people with me to this island. And after 9 days, one person was left. It was like a person died each day there. And on the 10th day being on the island, then, there were none..*dies*”
~ Sarah Palin on Gensokyo, and the evil dark blob (aka Rumia)
“This place is scary, get me out of h-OH MY GO-*gets killed and eaten*”
~ Chuck Norris on dieing in Gensokyo by the Thunderstrom and the dark blob-like thing
“Frogs? Oh yes, we have some...but they are all frozen...”
~ Utsuho Reiuji on seafood and the Sun

Touhou is a real life manic shooters series created by a Hotdog BUN and Bill Nye the Silence Guy. It was created around 40,000 years ago. Nuff said.

edit Characters

Cirno

Devil Cirno
  • Type: Ice Farris Wheel, Crusher, USA Destroyer
  • Location: Antarctica, Alasska, anywhere that is cold.
  • Nicknames: Baka, Blizzard, Neo-Desert, ⑨.
  • Wanted for: Just about anything because Cirno destroys and kills stuff all the time.
  • Reward for capture: $1,000,000
  • Last seen in Highway 99 or the Oil Refinery in Rockport City. But she may have escaped elsewhere. Her exact location will never be known.
  • Fines due: $1,357,975,313

She is just a girl who thinks she is the smartest and the strongest. But she isn't smart nor strong because she can get beaten up by Chuck Norris. Her powers can cause a Blizzard (Explains why New York City, Chicago, Iceland, Russia and any other Icy Place get a lot of Blizzards). On ⑨/11, she first attacked the top of the Twin Towers with a sword, and then destroyed the Twin Towers by creating a severe blizzard, froze NYC to death, and the ice CRUSHED THE FUCK OUT OF the Twin Towers, completely destroying it. And nowon knew what caused it. Cirno can CRUSH THE FUCK OUT OF ANYTHING with the severe blizzard. IT WILL FUCKING CRUSH YOU!!!!!!!! You have been warned. Also, she is part of Norwegian Viking Party. You have been warned. Be careful and afraid, avoid her at all costs. Run, run as fast as you can. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL READING THIS, RUN THE FUCK AWAY UNLESS YOU WANT TO FREEZE TO DEATH IN HIN-HANG'S TOMB!!!!!!!!! On future ⑨/11's, she will use the severe blizzards and swords to destroy the Arch Thingy (in Missouri (Pronounced Miss-sour-ie)), the US Bank Tower (Los Angeles (Lose Angel-ass)), the Las Vegas Strip, Dallas, Texas (Taxes), Sears Tower in Chicago and any other city in the US of A that has tall buildings. She likes to do certain things for the lulz, like destroying the USA's buildings, and wants to destroy the US of A for more power. She also carries a gun at all times and is powerful enough to actually destroy anything.

Flandre Scarlet:

  • Type: Devilish, Rapist
  • Age: Only $19.99
  • Cause of Death: Vietnam Ambush (3 of the Vietnamese were 35 times more powerful then her)
  • Current location: She no longer exists.

Flandre.gif She is an evil witch who lives in a Wine Cellar underground locked up in a Trunk. She works for Satan and Hell, and anything that is made of Pure Evil. Her wings have Christmas Decoration Lights on it which explains why her wings light up. She is popular for her "UN Owen was her" theme and she sometimes rapes her sister. She died in Vietnam when she attempted to invade it.

Remilia Scarlet:

  • Type: Devilish
  • Age: 500 Internal Sever Error

Remilia.gif Sister of Flandre Scarlet. She is also an Evil Witch who lives IN HELL and gets raped by her sister. Also to mention, she can cause 500 internal server errors to ruin up your Mac. Ever since her sister died, she is afraid of even going near Vietnam and Vietnam's surrounding countries (including the People's Republic of China and Korea and Japan).

Ronald McDonald

He is the one that made Flandre's theme popular. He sings the song in RAN RAN RUU style and forces anyone listening to it to be hypnotized, go to McDonalds, and get Fat, Fat, Really Really Fat. RonaldMcDonaldSutherland.jpg


Marisa Kirisame

She is a good witch that has to save the Country from evil but soon she will fail since she is so drunk and always drink German Beer, as well as vodka. She's also in the French Army. She likes to rape people at random and eats mostly Kimchi, and sometimes bugs, along with frogs. marisa.jpg

Reimu Hakurei

She is just nothing more than a bright light that shines from the Skyline and when anyone is around her they need to wear sunglasses. She can also take over humans heads by just smaking them in the face and then somewons face turns into Remiu. She mainly tries to take over that J-shaped country HakureiReimu.gif



Hong Meirin

  • Type: Communist

She is a communist who was born from Hong Kong. She works for Stalin and Kim Jong-il. She fights with a Hammer and Sickle. And she likes to be called China so if you ever see her, call her "China" or "Hong Kong" and see what happens! Come on, do it. What are ya scared of?! You wimps! Do it already!!! Somewon, anyone, please, DO IT!!!!!! NOW!!!! Unless you want death, do not call her China, nor Hong Kong, nor King Kong, nor Donkey Kong. She will fucking kill you if ya do that. Screw the last sentence! Do it now you bastard! You baka, do it now! Call her names! (Note: Ignore the previous sentence as well, it's a trap. Unless you want death, do not do what it says. Unless you like to die, then do it). She also built the Great Wall of China, Shanghai World Financial Centre, Tomorrow Square, Two International Finance Centre, and some other tall buildings (that look similar to the ones back in the People's Republic of China). She now lives in Mongolia and works as a gate keeper there.


Sakuya Izayoi

  • Type: Human, Maid, Construction Worker, Communist
  • Nicknames: Kifflom, Crazy Kimchi Girl

Some random maid that Sexually loves Hong Kong/Meirin and rapes her randomly. Also helps her build some tall buildings among other things. She is heavily addicted to Kimchi. She is secretly also called Kifflom. What is Kifflom? Nowon may never know. Actually, scratch that. Kifflom is what they call Maids these days. She may have also copied Dio's Za Warudo attack, but there is no evidence to support it so it may just be a myth. She traveled to France and cut up the Mona Lisa. Her current location is unknown. 1185487688239.jpg













Joseph Stalin

Stalin in colour

Stalin is very good at giving seizures.

  • Type: Russian Communist

He helps keeping the country alive. That's nice. His special power is giving people seizures. However, due to the rise of the New Finland Power, he runs away and is currently now taking power in South Africa

Kim Il-sung

  • Type: North Korean Communist, President of Gensokyo

Yep, used to be the president of Gensokyo, until the Norwegian Vikings overthrew him off a bridge.

Yepyep

He also likes to go to weight watchers



















Kim Jong-il

  • Type: North Korean Communist, Dear Leader of North Korea, Dancer

Used to help Gensokyo before being overthrown and defeated by the Norwegian Vikings. He still dances though.

Kim Jong il Shopping

He also likes to go shopping to get Fruit which is used to make fuel for the Nukes.



















Chairman Mao

  • Type: Chinese Communist

He was defeated by the Norwegian Vikings as well, and because of this, he quit being a communist and established a new party, called Chinese Democracy

Mao02

He also likes to daydream and remember the past.










BILLY MAYS

  • Type: Product seller, Shouter
  • Age: 495

HE SELLS PRODUCTS. WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT. BUT I'M NOT DONE YET. CALL RIGHT NOW AND YOU WILL RECEIVE THE BIG CITY VAMPIRE STATION, FLANDRE'S CHRISTMAS WINGS FOR ONLY 19.99! BUT WAIT, I'M STILL NOT DONE! YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE ZORBEEZ THAT WAS MADE FROM CIRNO'S OLD WINGS AND ICE. ALL THIS FOR ONLY 13.99!

Patchouli Knowledge

  • Type: Smart, Geek, Knows everything

She's the smartest person in Gensokyo. She knows everything. Also, she has robots that can destroy anything. Is currently wanted by the Palmort Police Department.

Yuyuko Saigyouji

  • Type: Ghost
  • Last seen: Garden City, Long Island

Only thing known about her is that she was in a police chase. But she disappeared after she drove through a fence. No further information is known about her.

Suwako Moriya

  • Type: Tree Frog
  • Died at age: 230
  • Cause of Death: Frozen by Cirno

She was a Tree Frog that hops around and fell victim to Cirno's Freezer Gun of Death. That made frogs extinct! Hurray!

Nazrin

  • Type: Evil Mouse

Made in Germany back in 1933, it was used for World War 2. Died at the end of Soviet Takeover.

Sanae Kochiya

  • Type: Insane

She goes on rampage for no reason and it worries things which is why Mars turned Green Blue? No. Just. Rampage.

Shikieiki Yamaxanadu

  • Type: Dangerous Judge, Former Leader of the British Empire

She does cases and every case she did she sent the person to hell with her Judgement of Death. This made all the people from Phoenix Wright Planet to never do court cases again as they all been sent to hell by her.

Medicine Melancholy

  • Type: Medicine

Just a very special pill used to cure just about anything. No effect on New Zealand and Saturn's Rings

Sunny Milk

  • Type: Drink...

A Milk that's usually drunk on a Sunny day. The best place to find this drink is in South Korea, Taiwan, and Gensokyo. It's banned in Switzerland for unknown reasons.

Utsuho Reiuji

  • Type: Spirit, Sprint, Sprite (the drink)

Proud creator of Speed and Sprite (The drink!!!), umm....she makes lights green and Good To GO. The Red Circle on her chest is the Red Ring of Death. Explains why the Xbox 360 and Redheads are corrupted and screwed over and don't work anymore... She is also a Nuclear Reactor in North Korea. She's also one of the reasons why Iran was inspired to build nuclear weapons...

Rumia

  • Type: Ghost, Devil

She eats humans and makes the sky dark. Right now there is a thunderstorm. She is the most powerful thing ever in existence. Not even Chuck Norris can't stop her. In fact no one can. You better run away before she kills you and eats you up!

Lee Myung Bak

  • Type: South Korean President, King and Super President of Gensokyo
  • Special Powers: 2 times more than all the touhou characters combined.

He is superior and is currently trying to change Gensokyo back into a richer country.

Seiga Kaku

  • Type: Ryukyu Island resident.
  • Special Powers: Go through walls (via cheat code)

She was a former Queen of the Ryukyu Islands up until 1700 when the Tokugawa managed to chase her out via Vikings. 30 birds later, she ended up in China and started a Zombie Apocalypse. She was later defeated by the Kuomintang however.

The rest of the characters are not important.

edit Gensokyo

Note: The only way to visit this country is to have the Red Key (Which will unlock PR China's door), Red-Blue key (to unlock N. Korea's door), Tie key (to unlock Taiwan's door), and the South Key (to unlock S. Corea's door). Once you have all of them, then you can unlock the country. But to find the keys you have to be in Sweden and Finland! Those are the only places to find the keys. But they are very well hidden and heavily guarded! Also they are impossible to get. You lose, good day sir!

Note 2: Another way to unlock it without the use of keys is to just go to Beijing. They will make the country available to access.

Note 3: You can also take a plane and crash it to a tall building. That will open up the country. NOTICE: You will probably die after that.

Note 4: Just play any Touhou game. It wil unlock the country in real life..DUH!

Note 5: Take over Europe to unlock. That is no longer valid. Instead, just smoke weed in the Netherlands.

Note 6: Just read this. After reading this note will unlock the country.

Note 7: Lose all your money to unlock.

Note 8: Actually, this country was already unlocked in 50,000 BC so anywon can access it anytime. It was always available from the beginning! HA thanks for wasting your time to read the other 7 notes lol! PWNED!

Gensokyo is a country that is bordered with North Korea and China and used to be a communist state (now taken over by the Vikings). The president of Gensokyo is a Viking. The country is populated by Devils and New Vikings and LEGO Bricks as well. The capital of Gensokyo is Shenzhen Special Zone Press City and the largest, fattest city is North China City. Every 1000 years, a Powerful Hurricane strikes the country. But other than that, it has no natural disasters at all. They have no invaders what-so-ever and free of wars and don't want to get involved in any wars unless if it's a war that could end the world and destroy Earth (But even if that happens, the country is immune to anything and can teleport somewhere else). Which makes this country awesome than any other motherfuckin country in the world. Well China and North Korea, Cuba, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Canada, Ireland, Switzerland are awesome too (and has same abilities as Gensokyo). Hell yea. Got a problem with it? Too bad, not get the fucking hell out before I kick your ass. If you want to complain, then go to Germany and whine and complain there (and while ya at it, get drunk, drink lots of beer, German Beer). And go jump in the Rein River once done drinking lots of German Beer. There ya can find the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Though, it is hard to access and guarded by 3 Russian Troops. The mansion is located in Swiss Turn City (its in the center of the country).


Shenzhen 2009

Cheung Kong City, one of the major city. Don't ask why it's that advanced.

Cities/Towns in Gensokyo

  • Hong Kong
  • Hamsterdam
  • Xi'an
  • Jin Mao City
  • Shun Hing City
  • Cheung Kong City
  • Shenzhen Special Zone Press City
  • NEDM City
  • China City
  • China Town
  • Kifflom City
  • Kimchi Town
  • New London
  • Berlin Beijing City
  • Tokretro
Destroyer Lee Myung Bak

What happens when Tokretro gets out of control...again.

  • Ryugyong
  • Rockport City
  • Palmort City
  • Area 53
  • North China City
  • Tofu City
  • Kung Fu Town
  • Super Rollcage City
  • Betroijing City
  • Swiss Turn City (Scarlet Devil Mansion is located there)

edit History of Gensokyo

  • 30,000BCE: Gensokyo was founded by Billy Nye Mays the Silence but Loud Guy.
  • 345BCE: The Magic wars started and the country lost and got renamed to Yu-gi-oh for some time.
  • ⑨CE (AKA 9, Also Known as Baka Year or Cirno year) Cirno (The baka) was born and caused a very violent blizzard that lasted all the way until 501AD.
  • 404: ERROR, PAGE NOT FOUND
  • 501: The 492 year long blizzard ends. Anyone that was living in North America froze to death, Southern Korea was frozen solid, alot of people in Western Europe was forced to wear Viking Hats, Cirno now hosts the Tiiiiight Eeeeeend Zoooooone (Tight End Zone)
“Nowww its time for something really important! Fat men talking about games they don't really understand and played by people they don't knowwww :3~~”
~ Cirno on Germans
  • 666: Flandre Scarlet killed Yu-gi-oh and sent the country to hell.
  • 777: Las Vegas immigrants took over the country and build Slot Machines all around. Anyone who got a 777 on a slot machine was killed and made into Gold and Coins.
  • 999: Hurricane Mazda, the most powerful and largest hurricane in history, hits Gensokyo, and since the country was immune to hurricanes at the time, it did nothing.
  • 1111 : Rumia starts to invade World of Warcraft world and eats all the people, witches, bats, and other living creatures there.
  • 1243 : Rumia somehow was able to touch and take off her ribbon which then released some weird power and millions of people died.
  • 1333 : Eirin put the ribbon back on Rumia's head to control the power again.
  • 1379: Ireland passed a law that said people from Gensokyo are not allowed. But some cop rejected fly shots to Ireland and the law was killed off.
  • 1492: Wriggle Nightbug and Kim Il drowned the land that was under Canada and above Mexico.
  • 1500: The Soccer tournament was invented and Gensokyo participated in FIFA World Cups.
  • 1577: After a few World Cups, Gensokyo, Japan, PR China was ranked the top 3 in the world for being the best teams ever because they kicked ass. Well Rumia ate the other teams that didn't win (because they were using Apples to eat computers and cheat.)
  • 1666: Remilia drank too much tea and turned into a Teabag. Then Flandre teabagged herself with it and didn't exist no longer.
  • 1712: Reimu's Donation Box still empty.
  • 1713: Is that so?
  • 1714: Yes, that is so.
  • 1715: Reimu's donation box now gained over 35,000,000 HK$ a year.
  • 1766: Flandre attempted to invade Vietnam but she got killed after 3 minutes later and her theme died out too. Flandre no longer exists.
  • 1777: Sunny Milk was sold as a product. is it unknown how the fairy could suffer such faith. In other news, Franz Ferdinand took away some cameras around the Forest of Magic.
  • 1857: Cirno threw up and that created Gatorade Fire Flavoured (guaranteed to burn down ya house or ya money back!).
  • 1888: Gensokyo invented Gatorade of all kinds of flavours.
  • 1933-1945: Zee Germans took over this country and destroyed most of it with BB Guns and Viagra and almost raped the woman to death.
  • 1947: The Japanese killed off zee French Germans, Kamikaze Style!
  • 1991: The Chinese kicked the Japanese off the country and when the Japanese got kicked back into Japan, they got killed by Kamikaze Planes, Sharp Buildings, Ran over by Autos, Went Splat.
  • 1992: Started to build Tomorrow Square, Two International Finance Centre, Kifflom Building, Taipeian 101.
  • 1999: Chinese and North Koreans renamed the country to "Soviet/Communist Republic of Gensokyo" and took it over and built the Great Wall of Gensokyo
  • 2000: The Tomorrow Square, Two International Finance Centre, Kifflom Building, Taipeian 101 are completed.
  • 2009:The Vikings defeat and killed all the communists and Juche, then took the land over. Now the island is sailing around the world, until finally stopping just 13 kilometres away from Norwegian Shorelines.
  • Now and forever: The Vikings dominate the land.

edit See Also

Warning: The above text contains spoilers, but you're out of danger... for now.

edit External Links



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