User:Mykell/Agadoo (the Musical)

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Agadoomusical
The poster.

Agadoo - The Musical is the short-lived production written by Ben Elton and Andrew Lloyd Webber. After both falling in love with the song they teamed up together to write the show, Ben writing the music and Andrew writing the script.

edit Plot Synopsis

The story starts off with the lead character Alan stood at the bar. He’s sad. His tramp girlfriend has just left him for some Latino holiday affair and he’s drowning his sorrows in ‘Bar Hula’.

Suddenly someone catches his eye, a beautiful hula girl trying to earn a simple wage by playing song requests on a ukulele, selling pineapples and oral sex. Captivated by this beauty Alan walks over and introduces himself. “Y’alright, darlin’?” she replies. “You lookin’ for a quick knuckle shuffle or wot?” Alan softly replies to the affirmative. “Right, that’s five quid. Now, go to the back of the skips.”

10 minutes later and Alan is in his hotel room trying to wash the shame and herpes from his genitals. 30 minutes later he lies comatose on his bathroom floor after necking a bottle of Russian-strength vodka he found in the mini-bar.

When he woke up he was in a strange, fantasy world where fruit and vegetables ruled the land. The bananas are playing saxophones, the mangoes are playing guitar and the pineapples are dancing a boring, repetitive dance about coffee grinding and knee-shaking.

Alan joins in, feeling the love of the vegetables. Not the fruit though because they looked a little gay. They turn his world around and teach him about love, respect and how to be a little bitch to keep his bitch of a girlfriend for himself with only the aid of love, respect and 4 credit cards with no overdrafts.

After saying his farewells he awakes in the stomach-pumping ward of the local STD clinic. After discharging himself he finds his lady love and proposes to her. She accepts, but only after he agrees that the wedding ring should be vastly overpriced and easily pawnable.

edit Musical Numbers

The musical is lucky enough to contain a multitude of well known classic songs, such as...

  • Agadoo (played in its entirity 17 times in the musical - on average once every 5 minutes)
  • Tramp Girlfriend
  • STD (to the tune of ABC by the Jackson 5)
  • The Knuckle Shuffle
  • (Oh No, It's) Genital Herpe's!
  • You're My Girl, My Everything, My Bankruptcy
  • Physical Pineapple Love (in the Ring)

edit Criticism

The show premiered at the Brighton Theatre Royal to an audience made up of homosexuals, drunks and the Queen Mother. 14 minutes into the performance the crowd rioted causing 4 deaths, 17 injuries and the Queen Mother choking on yet another swan sandwich.

The show was criticised by many major newspapers who reviewed it (despite not turning to to actually see the show), pouring scorn on one character dressed like a Black and White Minstrel, the pineapple with an 8" dildo sewn onto the crotch area and the blow up doll that spent the entire performance under the hot lights making the theatre gradually smell of warm semen (a scent that ultimately brought more of the Brighton community in).

The music was also put under scrunity with some asking how the words "pineapple" and "rectum" could be made to rhyme and why all of the songs bar 'Agadoo' itself were just the same chord played over and over again. Ben Elton defended his musical contributions by headbutting the reviewer in the face.

edit The Characters

Mrpineapple
Mr. Pineapple

Alan

Just your average guy with a drinking problem and no spine. Ends up catching 47 vegetable related STD's and developing a fetish for leather trousers and mullets.


Mr Pineapple

The secondary character to Alan who teaches him (and the audience) the Agadoo dance. Nobody is quite sure why a rubber dildo has been sewn onto his costume although people pretty much believe that it's down to Andrew Lloyd Webber's unusual sense of humour. And love for hard cock.

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