User:Multiliteralist/Suffering Dick

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Sufferin' Richard Jenkyns was a London-born white middle-class blues musician of the late 1980's. He arguably made a major impact on the way white blues handles such issues as the hardness of life, often self-inflicted. Moodiness seems to have been his trademark. Even his lighter pieces are impregnated by a sense of foreboding and a melancholy that sometimes seems a bit unwarranted to the occasional listener. He recorded only one album, Why me? According to reliable sources, it was a critical success.

edit Sample lyrics

(Manosaurus if you partake in this, use these to shed light to whatever stage of life the man is going through. You're also welcome to invent names for the songs if none is given - of course.)

edit sample

Poor boy, long long way from home
Poor boy, long long way from home
I cannot find my glasses in all this foam
This is about the tragic incdent when Jenkyns wandered two blocks away from his house to a spot
where a 18-wheeler carrying cartons of detergent had overturned. A lot of cartons had burst open and
many detergent bottles were broken. It was raining hard, and the detergent started foaming furiously.
Jenkyns dropped his £500 Ray-Bans into the foam. They got lost, and were never reclaimed. Jenkyns suspected
they had been carried into the sewer by the foaming torrent.

edit sample

Oh baby - I'm so poor and lonely
Oh baby - I'm so poor and lonely
It would all be so very much easier - - - if you'd only.

edit sample

Yesterday I went to the mall
today I'm at a concert hall
tomorrow I'll go to the game to see them kick the ball
this one - and the similar ones with no content - might be from the era when he was still searching

edit sample

My life is so poor without one thing
oh baby
My life is so miserable without that one thing
Oh yeah
The thing is a twenty-carat Martian diamond twisted into a ring

edit sample

You might say I have no reason to complain
But today, my shirt has a stain
If I don't wash it off by tomorrow
I cannot go to a friend's wedding - since all my friends
are too poor to give me a shirt of good enough quality to borrow!

Jenkyns was the firstborn of a relatively wealthy middle class family. He did rather well at school and didn't have any trouble in his social life either. This lack of reasons for a young man's angst made it relatively hard for him to become a credible blues musician. Richard was not easily daunted, though. He made a firm decision he would find something to complain about in his life, or become miserable trying. As we will see, he was predestined to pick the latter course. He was just too lucky.

When Richard was old enough to get a job of his own, he already had (something) so that his attempts at having anything wrong always failed. He tried to rebel against society, but everyone was so nice about this that he had to (drop the project) as an invalid way to suffering blues stardom.

He also had a good loving marriage, his kids grew up to become successful, and so forth - so he didn't have much to complain in his old age either.

(more details, samples of lyrics at every stage of his life)

Main idea: when nothing else worked, he quit trying and did nothing at all. Despite having had an easy life anyway, this total immobility finally made him slightly anxious. This gave raise to his most credible lyrics.

Personal tools