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Hey there everybody! It's me, your neighborhood friendly devil! I'm here to tell you all about the positive benefits of sex, drugs, rape and just evil deeds in general.
edit Oh, wait a sec.
Did I upset you? I really did not mean to anger you. I don't really follow all of this political stuff anyway, so if rape isn't considered "P.C", I sincerely apologize. I merely mentioned those things because they are so much fun.
What do you mean you don't think that's fun? Well, what do you do for fun?
Windsurfing? Windsurfing? WINDSURFING?
edit How dare you?
I cannot for the life of me believe that you had the ill humor to bring up the topic of windsurfing in my presence. I was in a good mood too. I've never been so offended in all the time I've spent in hell. I ought to throw you in the 9th ring for this.
What's this? You say you don't understand what could be so offensive about windsurfing? Trying to weasel out of things, are you? Okay, even if I believe that you said what you did in complete ignorance, that's not something you just say here in hell. You don't talk about it.
Look, I apologize I got so hot under the collar there. Heh, heh. A little hell pun there. It's just that windsurfing is a bit of a hot-button issue here in hell. Heh, hot button issue. Man, I'm on fire here.
I mean there's been a lot of name-calling lately, where the demons who hate windsurfing call the demons who love windsurfing Jesus kissers. It's just not something you bring up.
So about drugs, wouldn't it be great if everything was made legal? Everything.And wouldn't it be even greater if everyone was required - by law - to take at least one of every drug, every day. Imagine how happy everyone would be! Whadya say, support the cause!
Whadya mean you're not so sure it's a good idea? What could go wrong? Oh, you're just saying that because you're a Jesus kissing windsurfer! That's right, I went there. Fuck you! Why don't you go take your windsurfer friends back to Mexico, you fucking windsurfer!
edit Let's change the topic
How about puppies? Everybody likes puppies. I'm also certain that there is no way a conversation about puppies could go down the drain like our past conversational topics. After all, puppies are just too cute, cuddly, delicious, sexy...
edit What? What'd I say?
Look here man, I'm always about being sensitive to hot button issues. I pride myself on the sensitivity and equality I show. You think I'm like Hitler? Well, who do you think gave him all those great ideas? No, I don't see what's wrong with exterminating an entire race of people. Should I?
edit Okay, now what did I say this time?
Look, I've tried in sincere earnest not to offend you. I've handled this conversation sensitively like it was a fabergé egg. It's not my fault you're being a crybaby. If you not going to grow up and take this conversation seriously, then I'm leaving.