User:Mrthejazz/Criosphinx

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The Criosphinx is a creature from Egyptian mythology that also has the distinction of being the least badass of any mythological creature ever, including the snailicorn and the Andy Griffin. [1] It is one of the few hybrid mythological creatures that is actually weaker then either of the two original animals that it consists of. The criosphinx has the body of a lion and the head of a ram, stripping it of both its predator-like fangs, as well as it's springy legs, which normally would make his horns actually useful for ramming things, but on the criosphinx merely make it annoying.

edit I'm not sure I agree with you. The criosphinx sounds pretty scary.

Scary? Oh really? Let me ask you this: Have you ever been afraid of something that makes a "nyaahhh" sound? No? Didn't think so, because that's totally the sound a criosphinx would make. "nyaahhhh". Not so scary now, is it? The stupid thing can't even roar like a real lion! Want to know how to defeat a criosphinx? Tranquilize it, and then put it in a zoo for animal freaks of nature. Let him hang out with a platypus. How come the platypus isn't mythological, hunh? It's a hybird too! Oh no, it's an egg laying beaver duck! Summon the scrolls of five winds to...Oh wait, BANG. Dead. Some mythological monster.

edit Now wait a minute, a regular sphinx can't roar either. They're pretty scary.

Well now, that's different. They have the head of a woman, which is just plain unnatural. It messes with your ideas of beauty and humanness. That fear is deep and ingrained in your subconscious. I would not like to see a real sphinx. I would probably crap my pants.

Besides, if I get a boner from looking at a chick and then seeing a lion body, I'm going to be getting serious boner confusion. "'Excuse me," my boner asks, "Since when was I into bestiality?"

I don't know boner, but I bet that scary bitch of a sphinx had something to do with it. Whether the sphinx is into shopping or hunting, I don't know, but either way the thing just creeps me out. The criosphinx, on the other hand, is just too awkward looking to really be very scary.

edit So what, you're a chauvinist who's into bestiality?

That's not what I said. Quit putting words into my mouth, Mr Ad Hominum.

edit No UUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Oh, real mature there reader. So what, you're not going to bother to use proper English now either? Great...anyhoo...back to how lame the criosphinx is.

edit (Sigh) Okay, why is the Criosphinx lame?

I tried searching for this guy on Google and Wikipedia. Basically, this thing is so unnotable, and so disrespected that this one image I've shown is the only one I can find of it. Ever.

edit You probably didn't look hard enough

Look man, I'm getting really tired of you breaking the fourth wall with your running commentary.

edit Uhh, dude?

NO! No more comments in the headers from the likes of you! Your insistent lamp-shading, meta discussions, and criticism of every little thing I do is just too much. It needs to stop right now.

edit Yeah, but...

I said now! What is it going to take for you? You really don't seem to give up, do you?

edit But behind you! It's...It's a...

A what? A criosphinx? What's he going to do, bludgeon me to death with his-

Blood Spatter
  1. I suppose I could have mentioned Peter Griffin here, but I didn't really feel like making a family guy joke. Yes, I realize it would have made more sense. Just stop judging me, okay?
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