User:Mrthejazz/A Series of Letters to Mel Gibson (By Timmy, Age 8)
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Dear Mel Gibson: My name is Timmy, and I am a HUGE fan of your movies. My favorite movie is Braveheart. I was wondering if you could tell me more about what life was like when you were a kid. I don't care what anybody says about you in the news. To me, you are the best.
Dear Jew: Nice try, jew. I know what you're up to. You're just trying to earn my trust and get in my inner circle, so you can defame me, take my money, and dance around your dradels. Well I want you to know right not that 'it's not going to work! Luckily, I'm from a superior race, and am thus able to dete3ct sneaky bullshit at the drop of a hat. Maybe if your people didn't kill Jesus I wouldn't be so distrusting.
Dear Mel Gibson: I asked my mom if I was a jew. She said no. She looked kind of upset. She told me that I was born and raised Catholic, and if anybody dared to call me a jew, she'd personally send the virgin Mary to kick his or her patootie. I also don't know the "belligerently" means, so I guess it means something like "sincerely". Would you please tell me more about yourself? My school is doing a project about our heroes, and I chose you. I would really like to know all about you, what your interests are, your favorite Christian music, and what's the strangest thing you ever swallowed. Please write me back as soon as you can.
I am sorry, but I am unable to complete your request at this time due to the fact that you are a nigger. You thought that I wouldn't notice? There's something about a poor writing style that totally betrays the inner porch monkey in a person, and you, little Timmy, are it. I humbly suggest that you stop trying to learn at school and instead send your black wannabee catholic ass back to Africa so you go and make those clicky noises.
P.S. Belligerently means I hate you.
Deal Mel Gibson,
I think that your hatred of me based solely on my race is totally understandable. If I was Mel Gibson and I thought some black kid was trying to write me, I'd be mad too. Fortunately, I'm white, at least that's what my mom says. Please, Mr. Mel Gibson sir, I beg of you. I really just want to learn more about you, who you are, and what you do. I think you're really super cool. Please, please, please tell me about yourself.
Dear Twat Muffin,
Pleading will get you nowhere, you fucking mongrel cur. Does you mother know that she gave birth to an inferior human being? You asshat of a fuckwit. Bitch! Cunt! BAlls! Cock sucking vagina squirter! I hope you die of necrotizing fascitis. Also, learn to spell, shit for brains.
Ad Hominumingly yours,
P.S. You suck.
Dear Mel Gibson,
I don't know what the words "cock sucking vagina squirter" or "necrotizing facitis" mean, but they sound like real cool words, like the kind that my mom doesn't want me to know.
Could you teach me a few more of these words? I want to be cool like you! My mom will be so mad at me! It will be coooool. I'll get grounded for sure, but it will sure be worth it!
Perhaps I misjudged you and was a little hasty. It's nice to see young people taking a real interest in their self-development. I learned much of my hate speech from a weekly seminar I've been attending since I was five called, "Hate Speech and You, A Bitch-Muffin's Guide to Creative Slurs." I kindly ask that you mention this seminar to your mother, and if she refuses to allow you to attend, try calling her a "carpet munching, liberal hippy bitch." That particular slur has worked wonders for me, and I'm sure you'll be equally successful with it. Finally, I have made you an honorary member of my club. I have enclosed a small hood and white robe in this envelope. Club meetings are on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings at 9 in the alley behind Mickey's tavern in
Meetings are mandatory. If you don't attend, I will break your legs. Please also feel welcome to bring your robe to school for your class project, although do so with care, as teachers and principles will become jealous of your amazing fashion sense, and will try to take the robe for themselves. Best of luck to you in your class, Timmy.
Most sincerely yours,
P.P.S. The strangest thing I've ever swallowed was a grenade.