User:MrN9000/TalkArchives10

Glorious return to form for MrN!

The UnSignpost is pleased to be able to report that, after a two-month self-imposed embargo, popular poopsmith MrN9000 has made a glorious return to using underwear references in his daily conversation! The dam finally burst at 23.06 on Oct 22nd, and all those who know him could feel and share the relief, the release of that pent-up tension and the sheer untrammelled joy of their favourite user with a pair of tits in his sig. Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off. MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably. The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment.

“Pants”

~ MrN9000

Cheers

Cheers for the nomination, it came just as I was becoming disgruntled. Situation defused! Good work haha. I can't confirm whether or not I am the "real" Paddy Atkinson seeing as I've been on the run from MI6 for so long my actual identity has become a mystery even to myself. However, were I the bin man imposter would I be out on the pitch sharpening my skills or sitting bug-eyed in front of a computer screen? I would have to say the former is more likely, but you never know. Those bin men can lead deceivingly dynamic lives.--PaddyAtkinson 22:39, 16 November 2008 (UTC)

Hea. Well, whoever you may be we are very pleased to have ya around. Like I said before... Any time you need help with anything just let me know. We do actually have a good active user base here, many of whom are Brits. I hope you stick around for a while, as I certainly enjoy reading your stuff. MrN  Fork you! 22:51, Nov 16

Damn, that was fast. Cheers again, but how come there isn't a timestamp after my signature? ~PAtkinson (word up, kids!)

OK, I recommend you change it to {{subst:nosubst|User:PaddyAtkinson/sig}} <small><small>{{subst:CURRENTTIME}}, {{subst:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{subst:CURRENTDAY}}</small></small>

Sorry, I think you need 4 ~~~~ if you don't do that... Also, don't be worried about IRC. The people there are crazy, but most of them are actually pretty cool and will help you (eventually). Just takes a while to learn how things works there. Also... Generally reply where the message is post. If someone leave ya a message they will be watching your talk page. I'm watching yours. ;) MrN  Fork you! 03:36, Nov 23

Thanks!

Reindeer thanks you for voting! Personnally I don't know what that guy was so worked up about. I just wanted to correct his mistake...

Also =p. also also: hard lines with gay. I think it should have been given longer though, just to get more opinions... Meh, have fun. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:18 17 November 2008

Thanks for the Crit

Thanks! for the const/crit, I think my vortex looks better now. I know you still won't be happy with the TOC but the offensive "types of" section has been trashed. I've apparently answered a few of my unanswered ??'s by the age-old process of RTFM. Instead of merely hitting the pipe, I can use it now for redirection. I feel like I'm learning DOS all over again. --DrStrange 09:51, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

I went back and subbed, deleted, folded and manipulated. You'll like the TOC now. Can I get another lookie? That dingus that peed on me made assumptions about jokes that were over his head. 0/5 on execution and only a 1 for humor? WTF?--DrStrange 11:21, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Yea, it looks a lot better. I get where you are coming from with the formatting now... Put it up for pee-review again, hopefully you will get a better review. MrN  Fork you! 19:02, Nov 20

Question

I am allowed to vote for an article I wrote on the VFH?--Mnbvcxz 01:12, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Yes, You can even nominate it yourself if you've had a pee review fist. but you can certainly vote. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 04:51 18 November 2008

Yea, have Oriun said... It's probably not a good idea to vote on yourself if you are nominated for any of the "of the month" awards, but voting for your own article appears to be accepted. Be careful with the self nominations for VFH though. People often take a dim view of self noms. If you submit to pee review, the reviewer (if they are any good) will give you a fair idea of your chances on VFH before hand, and it's always best to get someone else to nominate rather than do it yourself. Ask me to do it maybe ;) If I think something has got a chance I'm always happy to nom. MrN  Fork you! 10:54, Nov 19

erm... I always self nom. Except for insomnia which our countdown hero nommed for me. and I vote for myself too, cept for that WotM last month. And please spell my name right MrM SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:01 19 November 2008

Certainly Mr "right". MrN  Fork you! 11:04, Nov 19

O57. It's the future... --UU - natter 11:09, Nov 19

No, no! It's the past! It didn't work then and it wont work now! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:14 19 November 2008

This Still Counts

You think that part-archiving will save your defenceless little page? Think again. Despoilment is inevitable. I thank you. --UU - natter 19:27, Nov 19

You have soiled an unwashed maiden. MrN  Fork you! 19:28, Nov 19

UnSignpost: 20th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

November 20^th, 2008 • #100/4 • Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone Uncyclopedia's premier periodical, the UnSignpost, has somehow managed not to fade away and die for over 6 months, which should probably merit some kind of special edition, but meh. In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto). The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps. Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up. Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not! UnSportsPost By ace sportshound Enzo Aquarius. In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print! NFL - Detroit Lions lost again bringing their record-breaking award-winning losing streak to 9, with their last notable points scored in the 2004 season. Lions followers are confident their team can break through once the team's brains are reverted back to Windows XP Basketball Edition. Big thumbs up and grins boys! NHL - Unlike their Lion brethren, the Detroit Red Wings are in the lead, as always. Then again, their conference is full of NHL expansion filler, so what can you expect? But hey, San Jose is up as well, so uh...yeah...good for them. Good for them. NBA - LA Lakers are up with no losses in their belt, but anybody east of LA doesn't care anyways. Uhhh....132 points scored by New York...good job guys. Football/Soccer - See, there are so many freaking teams and conferences that you just can't keep track of all of them. Then again, Japan beat Syria 3-1. Talk about a non-stop action high-scoring game! MLB - Training time, the high-gravity chamber has been set, Goku will be pitching. It's also time to bring in the young blood who will only play 1 game in the 2009 season.

Check out these pages! Who judges the judges who judge the, er, turkeys?. Through the fire and the flamewars?. {{tl|merge}}?. From our logs: 23:37, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.122.136.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking is bad. Even in New Zealand, or as we like to call it "Australia Lite") 23:32, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.113.67 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Browser hijack links piss me off. When I'm pissed off, I ban dickheads. You are a dickhead.) 09:37, 17 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.19.184.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Those who can't do, critique. Poorly.) 04:13, 16 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.130.147.91 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ( * 04:11, 16 November 2008 (hist) (diff) Santa Claus‎ (←Replaced page with 'FUCK OFF!') -- I know one kid who's getting coal this year...) Biopic of the Week What is it you look for in a 'crat? Is it diligent banstick wielding? Is it a list of featured articles as long as Spang's talk page? Is it having his own award, that he deigns to bestow on those he deems worthy? If it's any or all of these, Mhaille's yer man. If it's not, I dunno, try Olipro, or something. Cajek ban of the week 08:03, 16 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a big dick ‎ (<Sawblade5> RAHB take care of http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Special:BlockIP&ip=Cajek) "Writer of the Month" of the Week. Last heard from in any capacity on this site in January 2007, Imrealized was your WotM for September 2006, with an unheard-of-these-days 19 votes (and Severian liked him so much he voted for him twice). And with a triumvirate of articles like Paradise Lost, Smells Like Teen Spirit and Rorschach Inkblot Acid Test, (not to mention WWJJD?) it's easy to see why. Cabal news of the week There is no Cabal news of the week.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 20:45, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

WoW! Thanks a lot MrN9001. I would never have expected that to appear there! MrN  Fork you! 20:54, Nov 20

What are the chances eh? One appeared on my talk page too. It must have been written by someone incredibly handsome. Or, failing that, someone who once met someone incredibly handsome. --UU - natter 22:53, Nov 20

What, we've met before? Why didn't you say anything!? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 23:04 20 November 2008

You didn't write this... --UU - natter 23:07, Nov 20

Oh yeah? Prove it. Also I meant I was the someone handsome. geddit? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 23:32 20 November 2008

I goddit. Hence the response... --UU - natter 08:57, Nov 21

Candidate For Vote For Deletion Template?

"Original" version here for reference purposes only that I don't plan of using, EVER:

Current Version:

Old, "wide version" for reference:

"Smaller" version:

For some reason, whenever I tried to make "FIX IT" link to the article's edit page, it messed up the code at the end. Anyway, do you think that would be a good idea, or not? Yeah, I know the generic masculine might need to be changed, and it does come across as it a bit nasty. However, it is supposed to get the author's attention.--Mnbvcxz 23:17, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Hmm, I have been thinking about this idea a bit... Here's the thing though... What would be the difference if you just left a message on the articles talk page? Also, I think the wording here needs work. The stuff about "go and beg that user not to delete it" is not good. It should simply state that the user is thinking about putting it on VFD, and that they wondered if anyone was interested in the article. We don't want to be giving users a big fat template which they can go around waving at people causing flamewars. That's why I liked the wording on the template which is on VFD right now. It simply says "remove this template if you care". That's a lot better than this. Also... Be warned. ANY kind of deletion related template is likely to cause you to generate friction with some of the users on this site, so be warned... Also, I'm not an admin, so what I say does not really carry that much weight... MrN  Fork you! 23:38, Nov 22

Is that new version better? I pussified a good bit. I don't think we should go so far as to take every article off of our VFD lists just because someone objects to it being on VFD. There are some articles in which should be put on VFD and deleted despite a few objectors. For example Johnny Test was deleted by a vote of 4 keep, 8 delete, Seductive space boob had of vote of 3 for, 7 against.

I also think this should be a talk page only template, basically a cute/standardized version of "I think this should be on VFD, does anyone object?" That would actually give people time to object before they are deleted, instead of the current system of VFDing stuff without warning and deleting it only a few hours later. Finally, I think "please say so" is a good compromise between "delete this template and your article will live forever" and "Kneel before me and beg for the life of your pathetic article! Mwah-hah-hah-hah!" type phrases. Its politely asking for, not demanding information, and its not making the impossible and unreasonable promise of saving the article on the basis of one objector.--Mnbvcxz 00:54, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

Yea, that second template looks a lot better. Personally I think it's a good idea. I suggest the following... Add some instructions for how to use the template on the templates page here is an example I did which uses instructions. When you have done that... Do nothing. For at least a day anyway. Take some time and try to think of possible problems this might cause, and how people might react to it. As I said, anything related to deletion sends some users crazy, so you need to be VERY careful with your words. When you have mulled it over for a day or two, and still think it's a good idea, think about a post in the DUMP. Don't do it straight away, give it some more serious thought first... Also, don't get too caught up in VFD dude. Uncyc is about writing and creating more so than deleting. I do support what you are trying to do... MrN  Fork you! 01:08, Nov 23

Thanks, I tried making the template even smaller to make it less offensive. Do you think it looks better in the regular or small version? The smaller one is more humble, but it might be hard to read. I'm going to start working on the use instructions.--Mnbvcxz 02:31, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

Probably the one with bigger text. The smaller text is harder to read. If you could make the template wider, but less deep it might look a bit better. Not sure if you can do that with that picture... MrN  Fork you! 02:46, Nov 23

I made the long, narrow version of the template, and added the old, wide version for reference. p.s. feel free to remove these if they are sucking up too much space on your talk page.--Mnbvcxz 03:23, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

Looks good... MrN  Fork you! 03:24, Nov 23

Work Instruction purge

I shorted the work instructions on the template itself down to what the placer of the template needs to know to use it. Otherwise, the potential user would be lost in instructions. I think Why? and "What to do if this is on my article" section can go on the category "CVFD" page, i.e. the category what all VFD candidate articles go in.--Mnbvcxz 04:31, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

I'm not sure any kind of category is a good idea. It's probably best if this is as simple as possible. The instructions need to be short and concise... I'm off to bed now though, so good luck with it. I will check out what you have done tomorrow. MrN  Fork you! 04:34, Nov 23

Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball

So glad you asked. I'd love it if you could judge best bad taste article in the competition. Judging begins on December 11th and the judging deadline is December 21st. Let me know if anything comes up that makes you unable to judge, so I can find a quick replacement if needs be. See you at the judging table. I hear they're bringing us free punch =) -RAHB 00:41, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 27th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

November 27th • Issue 26 • The newspaper it's tough to swat flies with

Uncyc shall go to the Ball! The seasonal tang in the air, the anticipation on the faces of Uncyclopedians everywhere... it can only mean one thing: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is upon us again! The popular annual celebration of all that's good about bad taste is hoping to provoke a slew of skewed satire and give those foolhardy enough to volunteer as judges a colossal headache. And a good laugh, of course. To whet the appetite, let's take a look at some of the cream of last year's competition: A bunch of aristocrats fucking. Awesome vid Pacific War The Bureaucrats (Joke) Why?:Use a wooden condom Yup, standards are that high, or low, depending on your point of view, sense of humour, religion, shoe size and taste in hats. So jump to it! If you can make the judges laugh even as they vomit up their own entrails, you could be in with a chance of winning the glorious title "Aristocrat en Regalia", as well as the undying jealousy of the other entrants you so satisfyingly routed. Or you might lose. Asked for quotes, organiser RAHB quipped "I'll probably get on it sometime tonight, if not tomorrow", while official judging type Modusoperandi added "my memoires are riddled with mind expanding shit". {{username}} claims millionth victim Stalking the articles, forums and userpages of Uncyclopedia like some kind of bad metaphor with legs, the notorious {{username}} template has claimed its millionth victim. The individual in question (who shall not be named because this publication is trying to write an article about {{username}} without actually using {{username}}) was innocently browsing through Uncyclopedia's debating rooms, looking in at the progress of such worthwhile literary endeavours as the incrementation project and the attention span test, when the vengeful template struck! "It was there, in front of me, an accusation that I was teh gheyz", the hapless victim told us exclusively. "Such hard-hitting slander had to be addressed, and addressed immediately, so I clicked the edit button, and launched into a passionate and vitriolic defence of my unquestionable heterosexuality post-haste!" Ironically, it was the length of this diatribe that finally revealed the subterfuge. "It took me some time to compose a suitable riposte, listing at length my many dalliances with members of the opposite sex, my subscription to Playboy and my utter distaste for the movie Brokeback Mountain - in fact it took so long that I was logged out from my account" said the sap. "So when I hit the preview button to behold my comeback in all its savage majesty, what should catch my eye but the <insert name here> message that betrays {{username}} abuse? I felt so embarrassed, the only logical course of action I could take was to sell my story to a newspaper with a global readership - you did say you'd pay me for this, right?" Shortly after this point, the interview was discontinued due to a disagreement between interviewer and interviewee. Asked for a final quote, we were told "fuck {{username}}, and fuck you too!" - a comment that speaks volumes about the suffering this terrible template is capable of inflicting on the unwary. {{username}} was unavailable for comment, and remains at large, ready to strike again.

Check out these pages! Don't be a dick? How do you measure up? "{{Oh dear}}"? Oh dear! From our logs: 12:14, 26 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 118.101.59.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Initialising idiot smiting mechanism) 18:21, 25 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 198.20.32.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You only sort of suck, now. Come back when your sucking ceases.) 00:13, 23 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of A power level over 9000 ‎ (Vandalizing Cajek's userpage. You should be ASHAMED. Also, Skull said this bantime actually works. Let's see!) Biopic of the Week Holy Cheese, it's Necropaxx! From humble beginnings (starting out as just another notch on Famine's banstick), cheery, Grim Reaper looky-likey Necropaxx has stalked his way through the site, creating quality features, a bunch of images, and a growing portfolio of helpful reviews. Just don't diss the cheese, OK? He worships the cheese. VFD kept article of the week Yam - c'mon folks, it's tuber humo(u)r. "A yam will totally kick your ass if you call it a sweet potato. I'm not kidding." Doesn't that just make you want to rush in there and give it the magic rewriting touch it needs? Unactioned image request of the week User:Sycamore/Mephistopheles - "I kind of want it to be a bit like Goethe's character Mephisto, but maybe with a "Sympathy for the Devil, Rolling Stones" quality - I'd really like something with the whole transformation from a poodle to the student bit or some of the character qualities here." for Sycamore. Anyone with photoshop feeling helpful? Cajek ban of the week 12:31, 24 November 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 minutes 21 seconds ‎ (What is this thing about blocking you anyway? And why aren't I in on it?)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:04, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

Who do you think you are?

Jesus, we both have very different definitions on funny - so fucking what I'm not original? Who the hell cares? Shit, just answer the damn question! And plus, what's your angle on the shit photo? I don't even know how to do that - some help - so who the hell are you to care? —The preceding unsigned comment was added by LitUpBC (talk • contribs)

Do I think I'm Jesus? Um, sure. :-) ... Also, could you tell me what you are talking about. Also also, don't be aggressive. This is a humour wiki, not an asshole wiki. MrN  Fork you! 00:49, Dec 3

Here - you put a shit photo on my profile or whatever it's called, and I wanna know why. --LitUpBC 00:57, 3 December 2008 (UTC)LitUpBC

It's part of a standard welcome message I send to everyone when they first start editing here. Nothing about you in particular. MrN  Fork you! 01:00, Dec 3

I guess I overreacted, then. Sorry about that. Problems with anger. Donn't worry about it. --LitUpBCLitUpBC

About the Bloody Scissor page

It's just something fake. I just used some of my friends name and just made a fake gang. It's not real. Sorry bro. It was just a little thing I did.

Hea, it's cool dude. You might want to read UN:VAIN though. You might get away with your article not being deleted, but I'm not sure... I would change the names to people who are not real people as we REALLY don't like that (unless they are famous people obviously). If you up the funny factor you will stand much more chance of it being kept also, but the problem is that your article is probably only funny to you and your friend... We don't allow that normally, it's got to be funny to lots of people. Have fun, and good luck. MrN  Fork you! 20:07, Dec 3

Pre-decimal

Don't know if you've read what I added yet (plus a quote from Codeine, the master of spurious Noel Coward quotes), not much but I think I'm done with it and would like to hear your thoughts. :-) RabbiTechno 18:01, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

'Spose it'd only be polite to provide a link, wouldn't it? RabbiTechno 18:03, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Actually, I'm not sure it's quite there yet. It does need some formatting. Try looking at it on 1024*768 resolution. I would loose the other quote and just keep Codeine's as that's much better. I have to pop out of the house for a bit now, but will be back later, might give it some edits then if I get a chance. MrN  Fork you! 20:04, Dec 3

I'll bow to your judgement on the quote, it was really only there because I couldn't think of anything better - and anyway, it's a real quote (from the days of decimalisation) and so has no place here. Thanks for the VFH, too! RabbiTechno 09:33, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Cindycar

I can actually agree with you. I'm a big fan of IndyCar and I actually dislike that page because the CindyCar format just does not work for IndyCar. It can be done much better. I can therefore not make good edits to it. I have removed the IndyCar re-direct to Cindycar.

Also please note that IndyCar has changed within the last year. Thefe is now only one series so that page is out of date. --Tony George 23:54, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, I'm from the UK, so I don't totally understand the issues here... I just saw the Cindycar page a while back and thought it was funny. You can't just replace the redirect at Indycar‎ with a blank page. It's better to redirect it somewhere rather than to nothing. Here's what I suggest... Maybe you should write Indycar‎ as an actual article? If you want to do that, great. Work on it in your userspace maybe at User:Tony George/Indycar and when it's ready you can copy it over the top of the redirect. Update Cindycar if ya like (obviously) but try to keep the idea and tone of the article consistent. Like I said, I'm no expert, so may be totally missing the point here... MrN  Fork you! 00:13, Dec 4

I'm from the UK too. The Cindycar page is basically a in joke from the people of a very unfunny Champ Car forum. The Cindycar page looks to me like it is incorporating the two American Open Wheel series of 2007 (IndyCar and ChampCar). Champ Car merged with IndyCar this year. It was actually bought out but that is not important. 80% of the Cindycar page is completely out of date with ChampCar and very little about IndyCar. At least 3 of the sections have no relavence what so ever to todays IndyCar series so I'm wondering why it has the IndyCar re-direct. --Tony George 00:25, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, my personal view is that this page is rather funny. I'm neutral in that I'm not really a fan of the sport, so I hope you give my judgement some credit on this one... On why IndyCar re-directs there... Where else would it redirect? It needs to go somewhere... That's why I suggested you write something there! Maybe cindycar is out of date now, but does that really matter? It's still funny. To me anyway... Like I said, bring it up to date if you want, but if you want to make changes which totally change the article you might be better off starting User:Tony George/Indycar and move it over the top of Indycar when you are done. MrN  Fork you! 00:34, Dec 4

LON-CAPA

Thanks for your advice. I was trying to make an article that made fun of an internet site (LON-CAPA) we use at the University of Pittsburgh, in our Physics and Calculus classes to do our homework. Most people in my classes really hate doing homework on LON-CAPA. So I thought I would make an Uncyclopedia article making fun of it. I gues it would be easier for people in my class to understand the jokes, but I think others could potentially find it humorous if I made some changes. Since I am knew to Uncyclopedia, any advice to make my page acceptaple Uncyclopedia content would be appreciated. --Voon90 03:58, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Well... First things first: Writing good funny stuff takes time. Usually anyway... If you are serious about becoming an Uncyc writer I'm not sure I can recommend anything better than to read HTBFANJS. Have you read that and BGBU yet? MrN  Fork you! 10:42, Dec 4

I haven't edited this page in over a week

That's astoundingly lax of me. --UU - natter 11:45, Dec 4

UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop. But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc. His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian. All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it? Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it! Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids! From the Cabal's desk Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages! TKF v BHOP: an acronymious battle The inevitable bandwagon A history lesson, and RAHB's penis again From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL: 07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.) 00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us) 18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP) 19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real) 18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.) 18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.) 21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) 20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) Biopic of the Week There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc! Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: I love you too, honey, I just wanna finish this level. ... Well, I've been at this all night, and it's the first time I've gotten this far in the level, and I can sleep with you anytime I want. So shoo. Main Page

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 19:05, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

for the welcome. I'm not new to Uncyc, but thanks anyway =] The Masked Editor (01:18, Dec 6 2008)

No problem. If you look here I explain to someone how to use their sig properly. Kinda anyway... MrN  Fork you! 01:23, Dec 6

Why? TSCC still fails VFH?

I've received a TSCC pee review (finally) after a long wait, I believe the reviewer likes it and hence I tried for VFH and even modify a little to improve the article. But it still fails VFH! The others think its really bad, I've tried to save the article a little more, and I need some enlightenment and your holy advice on what should I do, and what is lacking in the article to make it really good? Help please!--A. SHePerD 14:54, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Hea dude. Firstly, don't take too much notice of that Pee Review. It was rather flattering. ;) Well, I have made a few changes to the start. Hopefully you can see what I was doing there. I think your problem here is that in places it's a bit too random, and you also need to work on getting it to flow a bit better. For example you tend to say something, then say something like "this is because"... Sometimes that works, but it looks like you are labouring the point a bit. Try to say the same thing, but in less words. You might need to restructure the paragraph to do this. This needs doing generally over the whole article.

Also... It's a bit childish in places sometimes your writing style is grown up, and works well, but in others you wander off into making childish jokes about stuff like masturbation or rape. That kinda thing can work well sometimes, but I don't think this is one of them. Think about it. Is that sort of thing really funny in an article like this? It can be, but you need to be VERY good at it. If I were you, I would avoid that style, and concentrate on topics which are more closely related to the subject.

Dude your writing is getting much better. Don't worry about VFH that much though. It's not really that important and your article is more likely to appeal to fans of the show more so than to people who are not.

My advice to you would be... Try to take what I have said on board and make some edits to this article to make it a bit more grown up. Then... Forget about this article for a while. It's been nominated for VFH recently, so it's can't go up again for a while anyway.

Then...

Start something new. Pick a subject you know a lot about which we don't have an article on and try that. You are improving one hell of a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next. Feel free to pester me on my talk page anytime.  :-) MrN  Fork you! 20:37, Dec 16

UnSignpost: 11th December

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing

Colin breaks #uncyclopedia By SysRq At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck." However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion. As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault. Chicks, man. By Regret Tenenbaum Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes). The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Check out these pages! Have yourself a neurotic little Christmas Will anyone notice another template around here? Lawyers struggling for work in global recession From our logs: 02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.) 13:16, 8 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.43.6.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 15 years ‎ (congratulations! You'll be back when OJ is out of prison. Let me know he gets a parole before that) Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.) Biopic of the Week Far more than just a definite article, THE is a veritable cornerstone of the site, spoken of in hushed tones wherever people gather together to discuss prolific authors with ALLCAPS usernames only three letters in length. From computer expertise and nature documentaries to frankly ludicrous amounts of UnNews, THE covers all bases. And he won the WotM at the twenty-ninth time of asking in January 2008. Vital Question of the Week If we put blatant space filler in this box, will anyone notice? Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:09, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Much obliged, as ever, old chap. --UU - natter 21:43, Dec 11

Generic TDB Message

This is a generic message, being sent out to you, because you are one of the judges that is to judge in this year's Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball judging. The instructions for judging, and the judging results posting, are to be found at this page. Your judging is to take place between the judging days of December 11th and December 21st, and to be posted to the judging page by the end of the judging span. If you are unable to judge the judging, please let me know on my talk page, in which case I will make my judgment of which user is the best prospective judge to judge. Have a good day, and happy judging! -RAHB 01:25, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Idea for Userspace Award

Unofficial amateur article of the Week basically, its a user award for good writing by those who haven't won a real award yet. I used the term amateur instead of noob because its open to users who have been on uncyclopedia for a while, and didn't want to create any misunderstanding. Also, it seems like most userspace awards have gone dead for some reason. Anyway, as you can tell, the nominated articles and prev winners section is there just to see what it would look like content. Also, it could probably use some cosmetic cleanup.--Mnbvcxz 03:32, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

Hmm. Maybe not such a good idea this time. What is it that you are trying to achieve? If someone writes an article it can be put on VFH, and that should be reward enough. The things is... We have had lots of different "user" awards and generally they disappear over time as it's only the people who set them up who are interested enough to run them. I totally admire what you are trying to do in-terms of improving the Uncyc systems and such, just don't really see the point of this one... We have enough trouble getting people to vote on VFH at the moment. I doubt that another voting page would help things much. Also... We have NotM for new guys. MrN  Fork you! 23:22, Dec 15

/me wanders in as if nothing had happened and as if Luvvy had been around all along...

/me squeaks! Hey Daddy. What did I miss? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 15:48, 16 Dec

Hea there! Nice to see ya and such... What's going on? Oh... Just the usual anarchy. Did you notice that the URL has changed? MrN  Fork you! 19:54, Dec 16

Yeah, freaky. I did explain it a bit more in length on my talk page, but other than that... Oh, did I tell you I was adopted by a big fat slob who posed as a cute tennis ball sized fluff of a kitten? He's currently 11 lbs at 8 monts and still growing, though I barely feed the thing... O.o *squeaks* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 01:03, 17 Dec

Yay, Christmas tits!

I have no further comment to make. --UU - natter 09:10, Dec 20

Got to keep things festive and such... MrN  Fork you! 11:51, Dec 20

Another generic TDB message

Just one (approximately) day left until the judging deadline, and you are one of three judges to have not yet turned in their final judgeries. This is just a reminder message that the deadline is coming up, and that we'd like to have winners announced and rewarded before the 22nd. The judgery page can be found here, so just go ahead and post up your results when you're finished with them. Cheers and happy judging. -RAHB 23:06, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for the not so automated message (apparently). It really made me feel like a human.--Dagrimdialer619 03:23, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Welcome to the wiki. Enjoy. MrN  Fork you! 03:29, Dec 21

Merry Christmas

Bonner would like to wish you a Merry Christgame And a happy New Game P.S, You just lost the game (Bonner) (Talk)

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:25, Dec 21

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sirsysrq @ 23:45 Dec 21

Tis' The Season

Mr Neutron biding his time before destroying the entire universe with one finger

‎

For some reason I think "Mr Neutron" when I see your ID. Thanks for your support!

I SAW WUT U DID THAR, MRN, RAHB, UU, ETC.

I'll be back to uncyc as soon as I feel funny, okay! But I pledge to you: I WILL find whoever vandalized my userpage, I swear! In the meantime, wear protection for your pants or whatever it is you like to say. OKAY, see you in a few weeks!   Le Cejak • <15:04 Dec 23, 2008>

You better be back soon. Otherwise I... I... I just will OK. In addition, you never stopped being funny. You just thought that you did. Seriously :| MrN  Fork you! 19:13, Dec 23

He'll be back. Or I'll start vandalising your userpage. --UU - natter 20:34, Dec 23

BITCH, PLEASE!

I'd just like to say to you, <insert name here> Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust. -Colin "All your base" Heaney

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:28, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

MerryChristmas!

	Merry Christmas, dudes!
	Santa "Metallica" Claus and Necropaxx want to wish you a very merry Christmas, and to always rock around the Christmas tree.
	Don't forget the egg nog!

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 19:48, Dec 24

Here's Your Christmas Tree

----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{( yell | FAQ | I did this )} 08:10, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

The Prodigal Daughter returns to whore for Daddy a bit

Hiya Papaw... I know you've got a whorehouse here somewhere (I think), but I thought to be rude and flash you some skin here. Ain't I ruthlessly cute? *tries the puppy eye stunt again* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:54, 26 Dec

You about at the moment man?

Happy New Year to you, hope it's a good one. I saw a book recently called "A brief history of underpants", or something similar. If I knew who you were, and where you lived and stuff, and I wasn't skint, I'd have bought it for you. I'm generous like that. Now, how's that paperbot doing? --UU - natter 13:15, Jan 1

Bore da

Alright, boyo? You voted for an article about me. This means that you're entitled to a free slice of laver pizza from Lloydios, the greatest pizzeria in all of Caernarfon.

IronLung 03:15, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

With Great Appreciation

--    13:46, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1st January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!

The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late The UnSignpost, the wiki newspaper with the highest staff turnover on the interwebs, has made a promising start to 2009, by being late with the first issue of the year. Gentleman editor UU said "I could say the issue was ready on time, but it was tricky to find a paperbot, but we at the Signpost have never hid behind excuses. Oh no, wait, we do that all the time. I couldn't be bothered to hunt hard enough to find a paperbot. Sorry. Still, it's not like the readers expect better, is it?" Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him. The Patronising New Year EditorialTM If you follow a sensible calendar, and not a Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Celtic or whatever one, a New Year has just dawned, bringing with it the faintest vestiges of hope. Hope that things may just be different this time. Hope that we may keep a resolution for longer than a week. Hope that we will achieve all those targets our hearts desire. Hope that mankind may finally rise above the pettiness of squabbling between families, religions and nations, and unite in a glorious surge towards a bright, common future. From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site. Don't look like that - it might happen. Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location. Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year! Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst By Joe9320 Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!

Check out these pages! Something about us being the worst, maybe? Possessive pride The "bring back Gert" bandwagon starts here Upstanding songwriting competition From our logs: 14:04, 26 December 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.59.56.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (For doing something to a page on Phil Collins. You have terrible taste.) 12:56, 25 December 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked YourFriend (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (If I shove a Christmas tree up your ass, does that make you an angel?) 21:23, 18 December 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.182.114.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Your edits are bad on a scale I haven't seen in quite some time. You'd be the chosen one if the goal of this wiki was to make shitty stubs about your friends.) Biopic of the Week Proudly the worst since 2005, Uncyclopedia is the place all subscribers to this newspaper will have edited at least once. That means you are directly responsible for its worstness. We hope you feel suitably chastened. Year of the week 2008. As far as years went, it was OK - there were days in it, things happened and whatnot. People joined, people left, people returned, people lurked, people vandalised, and drama was never far away. But it's probably the best year we've had for at least 8 months. Year that hasn't happened yet of the week. 2022. We just get a good feeling about it. It'll probably suck now. Exhortation to vote on stuff of the week We at the UnSignpost know how much you all love voting, so what better treat than the bumper crop of New Year voting pages? Top 10 of Dec, WotY, UotY, PotY, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, VFH, VFD... How much fun can you have in one month?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 01:00, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

One of your articles in on VFH

Uncyclopedia:VFH/Why?:Do_a_Pee_Review, which I believe you co-wrote with Cajek --Mnbvcxz 04:24, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Cool. MrN  Fork you! 04:46, Jan 3

I attempted on a brand new article!

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...and I'll look down, and whisper "No."

Sounds familiar? Or not? Hint: Watchmen comics!

I've been reading on the Watchmen comics and something came out in my mind. The character Rorschach. He could be a pretty good article. It's still in its early beta phase. Tell me what you think about it? Good, bad, should i continue, or forget it?A. SHePerD 16:39, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

Oooh. Your user page was vandalised with a nomination template?!

What's even worse, I think I ended up voting for someone else :/ Don't kill me for it, Daddy, I just think Sabba needs something to cheer him up, the old fart that he is... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:02, 7 Jan

Can I interest you in some light paperbot work?

Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/08-01-09. It'll only take minutes of your valuable time, and think how rewarding it'll feel. Also, are you still kind of on this sort-of-but-not-really strike thing, or are you snowboarding again, or what? --UU - natter 15:01, Jan 8

It's going out now. My appologies to those above who I have not answered yet... It's been a bit busy at MrN towers... MrN  Fork you! 15:51, Jan 9

My thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule then. Hope it's good busy and not bad busy. Bad busy sucks. --UU - natter 16:12, Jan 9

Can I interest you in Oral Sex?

It'll only take minutes of your valuable time, and think how rewarding it'll feel. SirMoarDildosNow on sale! VFH | GUN | Jew speak now | General? | poop

Like you could last that long... MrN  Fork you! 15:56, Jan 9

UnSignpost 8th January 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth

Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live By SysRq Recently, hundreds dozens some Uncyclopedians have joined the ranks of thousands of pizza-faced proud high school graduates and pre-pubescent twelve year old boys in the dysfunctional, loosely connected network of gamers known as Xbox Live. Among these traitors to Uncyclopedia were Orian57, a friend of the UnSignpost and frequently featured writer. Other Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live include The Woodburninator, Mhaille, Bonner, and Heerenveen. How could such successful Uncyclopedians go so wrong? I went undercover as "Pope Gustav" to expose these turncoats and find out why they abandoned the site in such numbers. The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live. Pope Gustav: Hey buddy, it's SysRq from Uncyclopedia. Orian57: Hello. You want to play some Horde? Pope Gustav: Yeah, man. We're playing on Gridlock, right? Orian57: Actually, Security is a much easier map for Horde. Pope Gustav: Cool. This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3. Article gets +21 votes on VFH By Mnbvcxz. Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition." For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects. Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again.

Check out these pages! Serious Bitchin' Business Women farting on baked goods... Who was that guy? From our logs: 14:30, 7 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.249.151.205 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hi hi poop? That's the best you can do?) 22:38, 6 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.201.148.112 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (People who don't learn need to get extra lessons via their anus. Well, I'm here to give extra lessons. Bend over mister!) 15:22, 4 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.175.81.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (1nd, I have 2 dads, and 2th, just because I am the product of dirty, dirty incest, and also a fuckface, that is no reason to blank my talkpage. Fuckface.) Biopic of the Week Whatever else you say about Mordillo, you can't say he's idle. Except in real life, because he's spending all his time on his computer, banning asshats, deleting crap, making stuff happen, writing quality articles, and sorting shit out. Of course, as he's a Zionist, it's all part of a wider conspiracy to control our very thoughts, but that's probably a small price to pay for such an efficient admin. Old School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. Translated Uncyclopedia Article of the Week Drill Sergeant in Mexican. ¡UN INSTRUCTOR DE ENTRENAMIENTO ES LO QUE CARAJOS SOY! ¡DESDE AHORA NADA VENDRÁ DE ESA INMUNDA COLADERA LLENA DE CACA QUE USTED LLAMA BOCA! ¡SÓLO RESPONDERÁ CON 'SÍ SEÑOR' O 'NO SEÑOR'! ¿¡ENTIENDE RECLUTA!? Read the original. The welcome(?) return of Cajek ban of the week 09:46, 7 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Cajek, you have no idea how wasted I am. 15 shots of gin and somehow I'm still awake. And blocking you. Fuck yes.)

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MrN9001 16:00, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Afternoon good fellow

I hope I find you well and not too busy. If you have a spare few minutes any time soon, could you feed the paperbot and set him to work on this please? Many thanks in advance... --UU - natter 15:20, Jan 15

And thankies after the event as well. I like thanking people. --UU - natter 09:15, Jan 16

Yeah Mr9000! Lets sing for this hero as he has been previously unsung by other singers! "Oh Danny boy..." ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:37 16 January 2009

UnSignpost 15th January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 15, 2009 • Issue 31 • Making the New York Times look like Mad Magazine (or is that the other way round?)

From The Desk of the Cabal: Incest and sex change are now bannable offenses From the desk of the cabal. Embedded with the last person who came looking for the cabal Following the sex change operations of citizen (now citizeness) Yettie, and several suspicious sexual activities in the Uncyclopedia compound, the Cabal hereby decrees the following: Sex changes are only allowed if the citizen wishes to become a voluptuous female. Any other operations are banned (particularly those who wish to become males, or just more manly looking, in order to improve their chances of scoring with various Uncyclopedians of either gender). Any sexual activities with family members is strictly prohibited. Exceptions are: members of the AAN family members, who can shag aunts and granddaughters as much as they'd like. Sex tax is now in affect. All sex acts taking place in Uncyclopedia are taxable. Taxes should be paid to Olipro no more than 24 hours after the act has taken place. Acceptable currencies are: Euros, Dollars, Pounds, Young Boys and Camels. Thank you citizens, this message was not delivered by the Cabal which does not exist. Behave nice, vote on VFH and obey the Cabal. The Cabal is your friend. Or it would be. If it existed. Pee Revuu? In a surprise move, Boomer, former dictator in absentia of PEEING, the group for opinionated users who enjoy nothing more than giving a good Pee Review, has announced his official retirement. His last official act was to appoint Under user, noted reviewer and maintainer of the Pee Review committee page, to his old position of Captain Catheter. Some regular pee reviewers are worried; Orian57 was heard to say "If UU is going to do Boomer's job, then who the hell are we going to get to do UU's old job of keeping track of pee reviews, judging the quality of pee reviews, and actually getting around to doing the occasional pee review? Don't look at me, I'm gay." UU himself dismissed such fears, pointing out that he's got nothing better to do with his time than arbitrarily judge the quality of other people's opinions anyway, and adding "I'm relieved to be taking up this position as it will drastically reduce the number of reviews I'm expected to do. Also, I'm thinking of introducing a policy of stripping Orian57, and only him, of his RotM award, his rank, his mittens and his right to drink hot chocolate ever again unless he does a bloody review some time soon". However, some users are still not convinced this is a good idea, or even possible. One, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I seriously doubt that UU can do Boomer's job and his own at the same time. I mean, how can he be accused of being a lazy arse if he has almost twice as many good pee reviews as anyone else and does 75% of the pee review maintenance tasks? This ruins the running pee review committee in-joke about Captain Catheter not doing anything. There is no way this can work."

Check out these pages! Rcmurphy of the Year Mooses pops back for some bandwagon action The reason for 4pedia From our logs: 08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow) 23:58, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Replacing a page with 'Hey uncyclopedians, edit this please' is basically the same thing as replacing it with 'Hey uncyclopedia admins, ban me please.' Talk pages are your friend. Blanking is not.) 01:06, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.135.165.198 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hey! I remember you! You evaded that ban that one time, remember? Good times, man, good times.) 15:17, 10 January 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modus Operandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (1 month for being an ass, the other for that stupid username.) Biopic of the Week It's hard to define the singular entity known as Modusoperandi in mere words. He's like Uncyclopedia's wandering troubadour of amusing non-sequiturs: roaming the land in search of discussions worthy of his absurdist input, sitting by the campfire of the conversation, treating those assembled to another whimsical one-liner, and then heading off toward another exchange where his presence is required. Kinda like the Littlest Hobo, but with jokes. And lots of awards, featured articles, admin powers and suchlike. VFD Delete vote of the week Delete How many half-baked, stale jokes can we fit on one page? More importantly, how can something be stale and yet only half-baked? by Syndrome on Awesomeness. Transatlantic jaunt of the week After many months in the hands of that most malevolent of dictators, the United States date format, the New Year allowed our stand-up English editor to put the UnSignpost printing presses on a 747 to what this journalist considers the correct British format! Rejoice! (Note: What you paid for this paper may or may not have gone on the presses' ticket. We don't know. It may also have gone on that booze over there.)

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MrN9001 21:29, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Ten noobs down.....Ten to go........

I am on the hunt for noobs so if you see this individual's name: ALT+F4 please tell me...

Not to intrude on a message clearly intended for MrN, but I cannot help but offer my own comments: what the fuck are you talking about? —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:28, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

your mum! oh yeah, you're owned. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:04 18 January 2009

I'm Snuffleupagus! [makes furnace noises through snuffle] f-f-f-f-f [in a normal voice] Get out of bed! [pokes Mr. N with snuffle, Mr. N jumps out of bed] --Snuffleupagus 18:21, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays... MrN  Fork you! 12:52, Jan 25

Whore, whore, whore some more.

User: Colin "All your base" Heaney/I will never forget and That Time I Was Nearly Crashed Into by a Boeing 747 during my sojourn to the Twin Towers. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 01:53, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost

Fancy getting the bot out to post it? It probably isn't good but it's UU's fault really. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:00 30 January 2009

God Dammit! I just got edit conflicted by my own bot!!! I promised I would get him some new bits to byte on. He's always happy if he has something to nibble on... Nice one for stepping up and getting the issue done Orian. Oh, sorry about the spelling, not sure what happened there. MrN  Fork you! 02:31, Jan 31

But but you spelt it correctly! Also was the lead story any good? if it wasn't, blame UU. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:34 31 January 2009

I enjoyed reading it. Good stuffs. I like the idea of the editors using a characteristic style to spice things up a bit. Not sure if someone might get into trouble for that pic later on, but hea... It's a wiki. MrN  Fork you! 02:37, Jan 31

That was all Mnbvcxz's fault. He was categorising and he stumbled accross it. Also thanks. :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:39 31 January 2009

Well, I'm not into that kinda thing anyway. 9001(bot)  04:06, Jan 31

You just keep out of this. MrN  Fork you! 04:08, Jan 31

I like 9001's sig. It's funny. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:55 31 January 2009

Don't encourage him... MrN  Fork you! 05:19, Jan 31

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke. S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry. Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave. After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good. M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words! Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale By Mnbvcxz and Orian57 To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl. Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual. Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages! Think of the Grues, won't someone please think of the Grues? Looks like the cool and sexy admins IP is back under another different name then Virtually nothing From our logs: 19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.) 03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.) 02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.) Biopic of the Week To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz! Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room! Cajek ban of the fortnight 05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

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MrN9001 02:28, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

For voting Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? into the top ten articles of 2008! Have fun! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:53 1 February 2009

Mucho thanks...

...for your vote on Uncyclopedia:Potatochopper of the Year. Since I can't really throw a party for my supporters, I shall send thee a big kiss ~PP purses lips and lets on fly towards MrN9000~ Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:04, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Kjlaesehfkljadsfjkhlwehfklasjdgfkasdludghlsjkbsdagkjlasdhbg

Can you delete Kjlaesehfkljadsfjkhlwehfklasjdgfkasdludghlsjkbsdagkjlasdhbg. just found it as a dumb redirect, dunno what the hell it was doing around. That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario! 01:06, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, I'm not an admin, so can't delete articles, but I left a message those who are... MrN  Fork you! 01:25, Feb 2

My bad. That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario! 01:35, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Hoi, MreditcoNflict9000!

You're not normally smithing at this time of day - taken a snow day or something? ;-) --UU - natter 10:56, Feb 2

It's snow joke. We are totally snowed in, and it show snow sign of improving. :) Got a call from the boss this morning that our site is totally closed. No work today! Oh, congrats on your second place in UotY. I think the result was absolutely spot on. MrN  Fork you! 11:03, Feb 2

I think you're wrong, and it's an absolute travesty you didn't get more votes. Over this way, all the roads are snowy and icy, but we still slithered, skidded and wheelspun our way in. We are being encouraged to leave early though - I don't need telling twice. --UU - natter 11:10, Feb 2

Wow, I wish I had a job/school to come back from early. I miss life. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:18 2 February 2009

Don't talk to me about that...MrN  Fork you! 11:49, Feb 2

UU: Na. It was fair.

• You virtually are PEEING.
• How many reviews?
• You do probably the single most tedious job on this site which is maintaining Cajek's list. That is really important as it's the thing which holds Pee Review together and turns it from being a random bunch of un-coordinated happenings into something which we can monitor and try to understand.
• You encourage other reviewers without pissing them off. I don't think there are many people who could manage to perform the task of telling total strangers that their reviews suck without upsetting them. I don't think I have ever seen anyone get upset with you for doing it. You clearly have diplomatic skills which I can only dream of.
• You adopted the Un-signpost when no one else could be bothered to do it.
• If it was not for you, both Cajek's list and the paper would be in tatters now.
• You are as active on VFD as me, and you always pick up the slack when I have my head up my arse.
• Your taste and judgement in voting is always spot on.
• You fix/rewrite articles all over the place.
• The articles you write yourself are always of high quality. I have... What is it? 4 or 5 features to your loads?
• It's obvious that you write for your own amusement, and that you care not about how many features you get. Because your stuff is so good, they just come.
• Your skills of avoiding the attentions of your boss at work are legendary. I only manage to sneak on occasionally, but you appear to be around most of the time during the day.
• I have only seen you loose your cool on one occasion. We both know when that was, and it was totally justified.
• I have never seen another user get upset with you. Ever.

Looking back, the fact that somehow I managed to win RotM and UotM before you is testimony only to the fact that I'm far more of a mouthy bugger than you are, and so got noticed a bit more. On the rare occasions you do frequent the forums, you always have something very relevant to say, and some of your comments have left me in stitches with amusement.

You are pretty much the ideal Uncyc user. I am currently working on a Top Secret plan to clone you to produce an army of Under users.

Wow, this is going a bit over the top... Hmm... Also... I'm sleeping with your wife, and it was me who put those bananas up your exhaust pipe last Tuesday. MrN  Fork you! 11:49, Feb 2

You are pretty spectacular UU. Alos I'm sleeping with your car and stuck bannanas up your wife's exaust pise last tueseday. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:57 2 February 2009

/me blushes and hides - I was never any good at taking compliments. It is slightly ironic you say that on a day I'm so busy I have barely enough time to breathe... Anyway, to respond, MrN, you:

• Initiated the great shortpages purge
• Do the Mhaille thing of encouraging new users on the talk pages of their new articles, and help them out with formatting and stuff
• Adopt n00bs, something I still haven't got the hang of
• Have amassed thousands more edits than me in less time than I've been here, many of them helping folks out
• Still found time to do about 50 top quality reviews
• Diligently smithed since wayyyy before I got in on the act
• Come up with suggestions for improving the place, something I lack the inspiration to do
• Wrote the book on reviews. Literally
• Dash hither and thither, fighting flamewars and calming folks the fuck down
• Keep the wheels of Uncyc turning in a thousand subtle ways that most people wouldn't notice but those of us who do really appreciate

So therefore you are teh roxxors, and deserved significantly more votes than you got. And my vote whenever the next VFS ends up happening. Also, I'm sleeping in your car because I'm exhausted, and eating your girlfriend's bananas. And Orian: you're bananas. --UU - natter 14:39, Feb 2

Actually I'm Neurotic. And aren't you a fancy prick? Can't even take a fucking compliment. You should be lucky you get them. I don't get them... :( ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:59 2 February 2009

Oriam: You are a whore. How's that? :-D MrN  Fork you! 18:24, Feb 2

Maybe when you've wrapped you tongue around my name you'll be ready for potty training? ;) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:34 2 February 2009

Nice try, but my tongue is going nowhere near anything relating to your potty based exploits. MrN  Fork you! 18:37, Feb 2

Epic fail, MrN. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:40 2 February 2009

MrN9000, why no response?

I have been waiting for a response, comment or something.... but nothing? MrN9000 are you alive?--A. SHePerD 10:18, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh, bloody heck! Sorry dude. I will take a proper look at it, give me a day or 2... MrN  Fork you! 02:37, Feb 5

Replied on your talk page... MrN  Fork you! 16:34, Feb 6

Thank you! Thank you so much! First I must thank my parents for giving birth to me, and my teachers for teaching me English, and Uncyclopedia for being such an awesome place. Most importantly thank you master MrN9000! Without your guidance I'll still be a silly n00b!--A. SHePerD 08:12, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Aww, MrN made a friend :) Also hey! Good to see you sticking it out. I mean not "it" but the whole getting used to uncyc thing. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:22 7 February 2009

Oh Sorry, Is 9001 here?

Yeah the paper I think is ready. I didn't use anyone elses paper as my bit was quite long, feel free to add your bit if you think it'll be fine though, I'm not normally in charge of the paper so whatever you think is best. Oh and if you could check my piece over and make sure it's all soelled correctly and isn't too offensive or anything that'd be great too. Thanks man! :D ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:26 5 February 2009

Looks good to me. My bullshit can wait for another day... MrN  Fork you! 02:37, Feb 5

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year! By Orian57 So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in! UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)! Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!) Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged). There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…) Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages! Penis Pants Er, fox? From our logs: 1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?) 04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.) 18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9) Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender. Cajek ban of the week 04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!) Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

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9001(bot)  03:13, Feb 5

Bedford Page

Don't undo my edits. The stuff I removed wasn't funny. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 86.161.178.74 (talk • contribs)

Hello and welcome to Uncyclopedia. Leave an edit summary next time you cut out so much. Thanks. MrN  Fork you! 21:26, Feb 6

To put it succinctly, I will kill you both. I will rip off MrN9000's pants and shove them down that IP's throat, and then rip off that IP's legs and shove them down MrN9000's throat, and then rip off MrN9000's legs to ensure that when he dies the length of his pants versus the length of his trousers will be an entirely moot point. Seriously. I'm going to fuck you both up.

I haven't entirely finished with the planning phase of this plan, but I can see that 86.161.178.74 is an address in London, which is a similar continent to which MrN9000 lives. So I intend to just keep fucking up everyone on that continent until you're all fucking fucked up. And then, when I'm finished, I'll fuck you up.

Fuck England. Fucking Limey pansy Scot poofs. Seriously. I'ma fuck you all up. Inebriated 08:35, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

I have told you before. Watch something other than Heartbreak Ridge once in a while. MrN  Fork you! 13:09, Feb 7

Hang on. Did he just call me Scottish! Bastard. MrN  Fork you! 13:10, Feb 7

I'm so ashamed!

I almost forgot to say hi to my daddy! 'Sup? How's your mother? Get any on ya? Yadda yadda, so on and so forth with things of that nature. seriously though; I hope you're doing well There, now I am guilt free again. Until my wife finds my secret page anyway... -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:56, 7 Feb

Hea. I saw ya running around the place... I'm OK. Looks like my current contract is going to finish, so I will be looking for another one sometime soon, but yea. I'm well. Hope everything is dandy with yourself also... Oh, is what I'm working on right now. Not sure how this one is going to go down! MrN  Fork you! 15:11, Feb 7

Rewrite tag issue, possible bot work

While looking around on the rewrite template, I found that in order to properly use the medium and hard rewrites, one would need to insert the code as {{rewrite|hard}}. If {{rewrite/Hard}} or {{rewrite/hard}} is entered, the template will not work right. The template will show up on the page, but, it will not categorize it as a rewrite.

I wonder if inserting an include category in the Template:Rewrite/Hard directly would work, or would it mess up the system? --Mnb'z 06:01, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

I did some searching and fixed some of the incorrect coding manually. (Because I feel the need to do bot tasks manually). I think I got most of them, but I probably missed a few (or maybe more than a few). --Mnb'z 06:01, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Bloody heck. Sorry man. I forgot about this! I read it at work, but forgot to do it when I got home. :( Whoops! MrN  Fork you! 10:40, Feb 10

A featured page that never was

I noticed you found that duplicate of a featured page I had on Concernedresident. Ta for that. I was taking a look at the source of the page, but forgot to remove the 'featured' thingy. It's gone now. --Concernedresident 10:33, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Confused and dazed

Hello Mr N900 - I am finding my way around and am not yet familiar with all the editing and unediting processes. So I found it very confusing to be in the middle of doing something on my article and suddenly discover someone (You)has come in and changed stuff. (I also lost some of my script as a result of this which is kind of annoying.) In trying to recover from this I now realise you were trying to help with formatting and layout but to me it looked like a random hi-jack.

And another thing! What is this UGLY tag you've slapped on the bottom? Give us a break I haven't done any of this before. I thought experts like you were supposed to be encouraging Newbies. Having a big red ugly at the bottom of an article is undermining and dispiriting. Your subtle hints first thing to day about links was fine and helpful and I was in the middle of doing all that. So more respectful nudging less shoving please! jcship99

Which template? You mean the template I removed a while ago when you added your WIP? At that point I knew that you had read BGBU. You should probably go back (in the history) and read what both templates actually said. {{ugly}} is actually a lot better for your article than the ICU tag which I swapped it for. ugly gives you 30 days to fix it, where as ICU (the one I swapped it for) only gives you only 7. I "upgraded you". I'm sorry that you found that template offensive. You are the first ever to complain about it to me. Your article was/still is rather ugly, and it still needs formatting help. The template is not a comment about your writing which is good, just your formatting. Putting that template onto your article put in into a category of articles which need formatting help so that users who want to do that kind of thing can find them. I noticed that you had reverted me, but could not be bothered to fight you. It was for your own good sir. I did some formatting for you already, and I assure you that if my intention was to upset you we would not be talking nicely like this. There is no reason for you to loose your edits when there is an edit conflict, I assume you saved it at the wrong time. You still might be able to go back in your browser now if you have not closed the window. Have fun. MrN  Fork you! 22:02, Feb 10

Mr for the win! /me lifts up my cheerleader top. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:17 11 February 2009

Thanks MrN900 I am beginning to get it. Sadly you were right about the stuff I lost - I panicked and closed at the wrong time. I would be glad if you would take a look at the revisions I have made to Veggiestrology. I think I have followed your guidance. I am planning to upload some more veg pics but my slave has not finished drawing them yet. --jcship99 14:55, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

It can be startling when people edit your article for sure. That's what makes wikis fun and creative though. It's all good dude. I will take a look at your article. MrN  Fork you! 21:01, Feb 11

Oh, Veggiestrology is yours? I just wandered past it and liked the idea. Keep going at it! One thing: it's broccoli, not brocolli. I'd probably spot more but I only had a glance. Tatty byes! --UU - natter 15:27, Feb 11

No, potato byes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:40 11 February 2009

I shop early for christmas too

Yeah, I'm expecting to be busy tomorrow, so Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/12-02-09‎ is ready a day early. When you have time, could you feed the paperbot his usual meal of banned IPs and send him on his merry way tomorrow please? Muchas gracias, Signor N! --UU - natter 14:17, Feb 11

That must be some kinda record. Actually delivering early? We do have a reputation to uphold you know... MrN  Fork you! 20:59, Feb 11

Tomorrow. I said tomorrow. Don't want people to start expecting things of us, do we?! ;-) Ah well... Gives me an extra day to procrastinate before starting the next one. --UU - natter 21:58, Feb 11

You mean I'm actually meant to read the comments people put on my talk page? Why does no one tell me these things? Bollocks! Oh well... He He... You think we could run around fishing them back out of peoples letter box? Last time I did that I got into all kinds of trouble. It's best to stick to stealing milk I guess. Well, delivering on the actual day required would have been a bit obvious... ;) MrN  Fork you! 22:10, Feb 11

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

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February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:44, Feb 11

Thanks

For the fix on the N00b article. I only fixed one of the edits, dunno what that guys problem with someone named "Danny Balls" was, whoever that is. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 01:17, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Yea, cool man. I used my auto revert button, so it looked like it was your edits I was reverting. Sorry about that. With that article, and others like it, you really need to check the history as there tends to be longer term vandalism. As an established user, people might sometimes assume that you have done this, and that's how vandalism ends up staying in the article. Have fun. MrN  Fork you! 01:22, Feb 12

Thanks for voting

And now, a special message from the President *pff...hehe* of the United States My fellow Uncyclopedians, This past vote on VFH has been an emotional one for our wiki. The people have spoken, and I am honorated to accept the privilegitude to servify the Uncyclopedia front page for another eight years. What do you mean, articles are only featured for one day? Thank you for voting. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

Eight more SysRq's! MrN  Fork you! 21:52, Feb 12

Yes! With eight more of me, I could get eight times the work done! Which means I may get some work done! —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:55, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Hang on. "Work" -- Hmm, that sounds like a bad thing. Best to just piss your time away on Uncyc... MrN  Fork you! 21:58, Feb 12

Yeah, money is overrated. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:14, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

It's debt anyway... MrN  Fork you! 23:18, Feb 12

Finally!

I get to give you this:

About time! ;-) --UU - natter 11:23, Feb 13

I shall place it where all can see. If only I had one of those Diamond Dumpers... Peeing is one thing, but sometimes a man just needs to do more... MrN  Fork you! 19:24, Feb 13