User:MrN9000/Stoat Molesting

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

“Stoats are hawt.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Stoat Molesting

P47 stoat
You may want to wear protection when molesting a stoat

When God made the animals, He paid special attention to the stoat, making it perhaps the most sexy animal ever, and that's up against some pretty stiff competition (i.e. giraffes for one).

Because of this implied mandate from God, it is seen as OK, even kosher, to molest the stoat.

The stoat is one of the Category 2 Fuckable Animals because it has a spine. In fact, it is because of its long spine that the sex-you-upness of the stoat is assured.

The standard technique for molesting the stoat is to use both hands and make a vigorous downward rubbing motion against the creature's belly. Imagine that the stoat is your penis, and you are performing an act of self-pollution on it.

StoatPants
Recommended stoat insertion method

A more advanced method is to wear a pair of baggy pants, baggy enough to allow the stoat freedom of movement when it is placed in the confines of your nether regions. A gentle dancing motion can then be employed to encourage to the stoat to stimulate you. Please do not then lie belly-first on a bed, as has previously been done - that practise is now illegal.


Note: This article confines itself to describing the molesting of the stoat. More advanced sex play should only be attempted after consulting a Stoat Pimp.

Pants A user has suggested that this page may not be suitable for Uncyclopedia. If you disagree, simply remove this template.

Reason given "Stoat humour is so old school."

Pants
Personal tools
projects