From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:MrN9000
Revision as of 06:37, February 14, 2013 by Simsilikesims (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is about claims that Lord Monckton never happened. To avoid learning more just sit on your ass and keep believing whatever the television tells you. You may also be looking for Lord Christopher Monckton DENIAL DENIAL which no one has written yet. Probably because they would need to find out something about the subject first.
Spork This page was originally sporked from Holocaust denial.

“The allegation of me being anti-Semitic anti-Environmental is the biggest lie since the Holocaust
~ Mel Gibson Lord Christopher Monckton
“I can smell Bullshit, but it's not coming from Monckton”
~ David Belomy on having his nose in bullshit, but still being the most credible person on the planet regarding the environment

Lord Christopher Monckton DENIAL is the first of six stages experienced by fanatical uneducated hippies in the Monckton DENIAL model. It may also be a by-product of some rich fuckers who are trying to find an excuse to set-up a world government.

edit Lord Monckton DENIER: Questions & Answers

"Welcome ladies and gents. Our speaker needs no introduction, none at all, but I normally give one, and I'm not about to change my style for you lot! Personally I couldn't care less about our speaker, but the writers of this article are forcing me into a bloody impossible situation! So here goes."

"Lord Christopher Monckton, 1st Nobel of Benchelly-on-rind, is the 2nd Uncle of Prince Phillip, and will most probably become King of England unless HM The Queen lives forever, which is the case thus far. He is a world-renowned denier, and he has successfully denied that the Earth was round, and also disproved electricity, gravity, and solid-earth theories. But his most well known denial is that global warming is bad and that Al Gore is good, both of which Lord Monckton considers poppycock."

"His name is known widely, from Baltimore to Cocomo, from South Shields to Dover, even as far as Bleached Bone, North Dakota. In fact, Lord Christopher Monckton is the ONLY person the residents of North Dakota have ever heard of, apart from that dog-faced liar, Al Gore."

"In this talk Lord Christopher Monckton will explain how the Sun, not humans, is solely responsible for global warming, and why global warming is actually quite wonderful. If it weren’t for global warming, 'we would all be freezing our nuts off', according to Monckton! Or so I presume!"

"He will disprove all the lies told by Al Gore in his SiFi horror fiction film, An Unacceptable Truth, and Lord Monckton will demonstrate how the Medieval Warming period, which was quite immorally deleted by Gore, was truly a golden age, when the price of grains was dirt cheap and there was no bloody Rap Music. The Muslims were brought under control by God Him/Herself after proving themselves to be mentally challenged, and ass holes were drawn and quartered."

"He is here to take our questions and set our minds at ease, Ladies and Gentlemen, will you please welcome His Right Royal Lord Christopher Monckton…"


"Thank you! Thank you! Alright quiet down now! That's enough! Thanks! Thank you! Alright! That's enough! Stop! Stop! Quiet down! For GOD'S SAKE will you all shut up!!"


"Good! That's much better! Now, you're probably wondering what right do I have to deny anything? Well, I have as much right as OJ Simpson or Charlie Manson! Last year I was caught by my wife naked, in bed with our young house maid, and I was able to successfully deny it. So that just shows that the power of my deniability is undeniable! In fact, I could easily deny that you are even here tonight! And I could prove to you, scientifically, how you never came here in your entire life! I also deny that I am a scientist, being a simple-minded Royal, and humble servant of our great Island!"

"Now, do we have any questions before we begin? Come on, you lot, let's see some hands! OK, you there!"

Random listener: "Well, I haven't heard your talk as of yet, so I have no idea what you're all about. But if you say that the Sun alone is guilty, then what evidence can you give showing that the Sun causes global warming? And how do you propose that justice will prevail?"

Lord Monckton: "Ghad, man, don't be daft! Even my wife can see the evidence is all around us. The evidence, you see, is the warmth of the Sun, which is the only source of heat, apart coal, wood, electricity, and paraffin heaters. Because it's now night time, I can't demonstrate my hypothesis, but tomorrow morning, bright and early, I can promise you that there will be more than ample proof that the Sun causes global warming! Right then! Next question? You there, young lady in the blue high heels..."

edit Monckton DENIAL



During the first stage of the process the Monckton DENIER simply believes that Lord Monckton does not exist. They ignore the obvious evidence that a person of this name has clearly appeared on various television and radio shows around the world, and that there are also many videos availible on the internet which provide obvious evidence to the actual existence of the man.

The term DENIAL when used in conjunction with Lord Monckton has been considered offensive by some due to its obvious association with the Holocaust and the Holocaust denial movement. By associating Lord Monckton DENIERS with the Holocaust they believe that using the label DENIER reduces the significance of the Holocaust itself because the issues relating to global warming which Lord Monckton discuss are simply not as significant.

Acceptance for the use of the label DENIER has grown over time as people have come to realise that our current policy on global warming and the use of bio-fuels has actually caused a doubling of food prices world wide. Due to the fact that we are now burning food it is known that many millions have already died in third world countries where the population already lives very close to famine. With onset of food riots in various third world counties and the acknowlagement that preventing poor countries from burning fossil fuels will stop them from developing into modern famine free societies there is almost universal acceptance of the term DENIER.

edit Monckton anger

At this point it is likely that one of their peers of the Monckton DENIER mentions Lord Monckton, or they see an article written about him by some other Monckton DENIERS. Eventually they realize that there is no way they can pretend that Lord Monckton does not exist at all, so they instead shift their anger to hating the man himself. To maintain themselves in the state of Monckton anger it is vitally important that the Monckton DENIER does not actually invest any time into listening to any of what Lord Monckton is actually talking about.

The anger which the Monckton DENIER has for Lord Monckton generally comes from the fanatical passion which they maintain regarding all issues relating to the pollution of the environment. The Monckton DENIER will simply assume that Lord Monckton is an anti-environmentalist and that he is saying that it is OK to pollute the air, poor crap into the oceans, and shoot albatrosses.

To obtain particular amusement when talking to a person who is in the Monckton anger stage you may find benificial to actually pretend that you hold the views which they incorrectly assume Lord Monckton does. From this position you can point out that in order to save the environment we need to kill all the whales in the ocean as they are huge consumers of CO2 eating plankton, and that we should tarmac over the tropical rain forests as they have actually been shown to be net greenhouse gas producers. Whatever you do, don't mention the fact that tropical rain forests are being cut down in order to grow bio-fuel, and that during the process of harvesting it is common to set fire to the field it grows in first.


edit Holocaust bargaining

As a denier's belief of no Holocaust weakens, he enters the stage of Holocaust bargaining. The denier is willing to accept that the Holocaust did happen, however he pleads with history to have the Holocaust not happen as much, to make the goddman Jews not feel as bad.

Typical pleads include:

  • "Please let the Holocaust be an honest mistake."
  • "Just have all ten million victims injured instead of killed."
  • "Okay, how about this: Three million Jews were killed by the Nazis, and three million Jews all moved to a secret cave at the same time and didn't tell anyone. That's fair, right?"
  • "Can't there at least be a quote from Hitler showing that he had a good reason? Work with me here!"
  • "The Jews all got up and went on vacation to Jewlywood!"

edit Holocaust depression

Holocaust deniers are thought of as jokes by other people, and by other people we mean really classic Jews. Even the lowest of the low on the social chain (Jews) usually point and (nervously) laugh whenever they meet a denier. Deniers try to ignore the laughter (of the aggressive Jews), but when Holocaust bargaining fails and the denier is even more of a joke than usual, Holocaust depression kicks in. Realizing that nobody else (including Jews only) will ever believe them or even treat them seriously, deniers start listening to emo and slash their wrists (or filthy rich Jews think they do).

Holocaust depression can be cured by taking Holocaust Prozac. It also can be cured by killing some goddamn Jews.

edit Holocaust acceptance

Since most businesses are owned by Jews, some are forced (to pretend) to accept Holocaust. Take Mel Gibson, for example. After he said Holocaust is bologny, he can't get a job anymore. All deniers still feel Holocaust is a big, made-up lie by Jews deep inside, but pretend other wise.

Racist twat.

edit Tell-tale signs

There are several prominent attributes of 'holocaust deniers' which give them away, the most prominent of which are listed below:

  • Sudden disappearance never to be seen again, since Jews fire their asses and exile them because Jews run the world
  • Anyone who says 'Maybe they were [insert any number below 6 million]'
  • Someone who is a terrorist, or at least looks like one (to an untrained Jewish eye)
  • "Jews did 9/11" troofer
  • Being honest, educated, truthfull, rational, and not-Jewish

edit Other Popular Theories

Many people believe that the Holocaust was a story lost in translation - nobody (except, of course, Chuck Norris and Master Chief) understands the German language so translators hazard an educated guess to what they might be trying to say. Maybe "IZE KILLED ZEE JEWS" (quoted from Hitler, December 1979) actually means "Daaamn this Earl Grey you englishmen make is actually quite nice!!".

Many others believe that the holocaust story derived from another sentence which was altered due to incorrect hearing in a game of Chinese Whispers. The original sentence is unknown, however common beliefs are:

Hitler BILLED 6 million jews. (Due to 6 million jews dining and dashing his restaurant known as "Mein Kampf")

Hitler DISTILLED 6 million BREWS. (Probably for his Jewish friends)

Popeye actually has spinach allergies. (TIP: Don't play Chinese Whispers with deaf people)

6 million jews killed Hitler! (Bit of an unfair quantity handicap on Hitler's side if you ask me - bless him!)

Believers of this theory protest against the use of delicate and/or confidential information in a game of Chinese Whispers... or at least to record the original sentence first!

edit See Also

Personal tools