User:Mr. Briggs Inc./Not a Zaku

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Goufs are not Zakus dammit, how often do we have to tell you that?

“This is no Zaku boy, no Zaku!”
~ Ramba Ral on Gouf
“This is no Zaku Phantom! No Zaku Phantom!”
~ Heine Westenfluss on Gouf Ignited
~ Lambo Ror on Guof
“This is no Zaku! BELIEVE IT!”
~ Naruto on Zaku Abumi
“This is no Zaku! I triple assure it!”
~ Baghdad Bob on Zaku
“I pity da foo' who's a Zaku!”
~ Mr. T. on Zaku

At first, there were Zakus. Then there were things that were NOT Zakus, Goufs for example. But since it was pretty unclear, it had to be repeatedly stated by random people from Gundam.

edit What is a Zaku?

Zakus, are the most classic cannon fodder from most Gundam series. They are commonly found in their Natural environment, being any random battlefield in space or on Earth and doing their most common action, being destroyed. If you know what Gundam is, but never heard of a Zaku, this can mean two things:

-You are very stupid.

-You have only watched Gundam Wing. Though there is no big difference from this and the above statement.

If you, on the other hand know what Gundam is and heard of Zakus but think they are uberly strong, this can also mean two things:

-You are very stupid.

-You have only watched Gundam SEED. Though there is no big difference from this and the above statement.

Zakus can be distinguished by the following attributes:

  • They have an average lifespan of 3.128 seconds, beating Leos by 0.01 seconds.
  • They have 1 Eye. This makes them scary for the first second of their appearance, after that they'll just a splode due to something.
  • They are usually green. Not always, but most of the time.
  • They are capable of the Zankuha attack.
  • They are Zakus.

edit How to distinguish a Gouf from a Zaku




No Zaku.

Always remember that Goufs are not Zakus! Not Zakus! As we can see on the left, the Zaku is different from the Gouf on the right. Note that the Zaku is a Zaku while the Gouf is not a Zaku! Not a Zaku! Though the differences are minimal, but usually still present. If you still can't see the difference, you can always attempt to follow some guidelines in order to not get confused with Zakus and Goufs:

  • Zakus are called Zakus, Goufs are called Goufs
  • Goufs will usually survive one millisecond longer than a Zaku
  • Zakus are usually Green while Goufs tend to be blue, though since the launch of the popular TV Show "Pimp my MS" by CHAR! Aznable has caused both units to vary strongly in colors.
  • Zakus usually use an Axe while Goufs usually have a Katana. But nothing stops a Zaku from grabbing a Katana nor does anything prevent Goufs from using Axes.
  • Zakus hold a machinegun, Goufs have them implemented in their fingers. though a Gouf can still hold a machinegun.
  • Zakus are more commonly found in space, though there are also Goufs built for space use.
  • Zakus have a shield on their shoulder, Goufs carry a shield in a hand.

Actually, its freaking impossible to surely tell a Zaku from a Gouf. You just have to rely on luck, Gundam geeks telling you or statements of random pilots.

edit The History of Zakus and things that are not Zakus! Not Zakus!

edit First Steps

After launching a series of systems with vague names like "ME", "XP" and "Vista" as seen recently, Microsoft has decided to go back on their dated series of Windows. However, the budget was already better spent on producing Windows Vista, which was simultaniously produced. So Microsoft thought they'd enlist the help of Zeonic and Zimmad to produce an extreme low budget system for the personal computer, that was when the MS-05B Zaku I (Microsoft Windows 2005 Beta Zaku Edition I) and the YMS-04 Zudah were born. The Zudah failed as it crashed all by itself more often than windows 95, upon which Zimmad wasn't contracted with important projects anymore (though they continued in producing softwares such as Jormungard and Hildolfr, later changing to software compatible with Zeonic systems such as the Ze Gok and Big Rang). Zaku I was barely known among most users, but found vast popularity in the low budget area, being affordable even to Grues and drunken hobos.

edit The Breakthrough

Seeing its potential, Zeonic improved some obvious bugs of the Zaku I, adding new hardware such as shoulder plates and spikes to be more user friendly, making the all new MS-06F Zaku II (Microsoft Windows 2006 Final Zaku Edition II), the very first vastly mass-produced extreme low-budget system.

edit GM vs Zaku

A commonly known downside was that it remained very slow and tended to lag which was highly disturbing in Mass-Multiplayer Online games, causing GMs to enter excessive conflicts against players using Zakus.

edit CHAR!

CHAR! Aznable, who started "pimping" the Zakus and various later creations to show them off, was able to increase the processor speed to 3 times as fast while painting the tower in a CHAR!acteristic bright comet red, resulting in the MS-06S CHAR!'s Custom Zaku II. He was able to single handedly win in PvP against a great amount of players including GMs and the strongest ones of 5 different mainstream MMORPGs: World of Warcraft, Guild Wars, Second Life, Hellgate London and Ragnarok Online, resulting in him recieving the nickname "The Red Comet" due to his characters always wearing red. His streak lasted until he started playing Universal Century Gundam Online, where he lost for the first time against the player Amuro Ray also known as will.

  as seen in multiple gun-dam games and in all but ms saga painting it a diffrent coller makes it stronger and even in ms saga there is the zaku II special ware you get a zaku II and paint it red and black and the blackassisin is just a black painted kempher

edit Licensing Issues

Due to the lack of licensing (to save money), many plagiates were made, such as the Borjarnon and the Busshi. But most notably, a rogue team of hackers calling themselves ZAFT (Zakus Are From Toonami) producing strongly modified versions such as Strike Zaku Phantom or Gunner Zaku Warrior. Due to the fact that they have never seen the Universal Century timeline, these Zakus were actually of cruddy quality, while optically made to support more up-to-date graphics, they would always freeze, a problem which ZAFT never solved but tried to hide by always letting the Zakus strike an "awesome" pose (noobs tend to fall for it). Macintosh also soon caught up by developing the Mac OZ Leo.

edit The Gouf

Meanwhile, Zeonic had an idea: instead of spending money on licensing the product, they would just continure making marginally better stuff to stay ahead of the competition. The result was the MS-07A Gouf (Alpha version) and after some bug fixes, the MS-07B Gouf (Microsoft Windows 2007 Beta version Gouf).

edit Rambo Lol

Unfortunately, many of the beta testers soon began to get sceptical about gouf, for it seemed to be the exact same thing as Zaku. That was until the user Rambo Lol uploaded a video onto Youtube, where he demonstrates that Gouf is in fact not a Zaku! Not a Zaku! Other users such as Norris Packard however, are still confused between Goufs and Zakus.

edit The Legend Continues

Since Gouf was not licensed, it was once again plagiated by ZAFT, appearing as the GOUF Ignited (which had the same problems being almost identical to the Zaku), Macintosh stole some distinct features in order to create the Mac OZ Epyon and the Mac OZ Talgeese 3rd Edition, only to find themselves confronted with the fact that Zeonic was producing new products faster than they could plagiate, already launching Microsoft Windows Efreet, Dom, Gyan, Gelgoog and many more, while still maintaining the previous systems by producing add-ons such as the MS-06FZ Zaku II Custom. The project was also expanded to Germany, resulting in modifications such as Zaku Stutzer, Dom Bein Nichts, Gyan Krieger, Gelgoog Nazi or Efreet Hurensohn as well as new creations such as Kaempfer, Neue Ziel and Dritte Reich. Zaku Abumi was also created to flow with the mainstream of retarded Naruto fangeeks, it is unknown if there will be a Gouf Abumi in future (However, many people have noted that Gouf Abumi probably already exists, but people simply cannot tell him from Zaku).

edit Things that are not Zakus

  • Goufs
  • Doms
  • Gyans
  • Gelgoogs
  • Leos
  • Gundams
  • ザクとは
  • Borjarnons
  • GOUF Ignited
  • GMs
  • Ginns
  • Daggers
  • Autobots
  • Decepticons
  • Minicons
  • Hizacks
  • DOM Troopers
  • BuCues
  • Maganacs
  • Virgos
  • Nobusshis
  • Tauruses
  • Tallgeese
  • Death Army
  • Fuunsaiki
  • Zaku Abumi
  • Mazinger Z
  • Great Mazinger
  • Getter Robo
  • GaoGaiGar
  • Ideon
  • Megas XLR
  • Voltron
  • Unicron
  • Anything related to the Dark Gundam
  • Gunmen
  • Jehuty
  • Grendizer
  • Anything related to the UN
  • Mazinkaiser
  • Shin Getter Robo
  • Genesic GaoGaiGar
  • Chouryujin
  • Gekiryujin
  • Big Volfogg
  • Mic Sounder the 13th
  • Goldymarg
  • J-Ark/J-Der/King J-Der/Whatever
  • GaoFighGar
  • Getter Emperor
  • Anything from "Super Robot Taisen: Original Generation"
  • Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann [NOTE: Also counts in a list as BETTER than a Zaku] (NOTE 2: It's not very hard to be better than a Zaku)
  • Voltes V
  • EVA-01
  • Gigantor
  • Zinv
  • RahXephon
  • Gun/Sword
  • Xenogears
  • Anything else from Transformers
  • Black Getter
  • Getter Robo G
  • Diebuster
  • EVA-02
  • EVA-00
  • Mass-Production EVAs
  • Z-01 Lancelot
  • Nirvash typeZERO
  • VF-1 Valkyries
  • Any zord from Power Rangers
  • Hades Project Zeorymer
  • Koutetsu Jeeg
  • Gaiking
  • God Reideen
  • Combattler V
  • Daimos
  • Aquarion
  • Demonbane
  • Sizzler
  • Dix Neuf
  • Raiking
  • Balking
  • Daiku Maryu
  • Daitarn 3
  • Zambot 3
  • Boss Borot
  • Zegapain

edit Things that, in fact, actually ARE Zakus

  • Zakus
  • Zaku I
  • Zaku II
  • Zaku II Custom
  • Zaku III
  • Zaku III Custom
  • Zaku Fantasy MMMMCCCCCCCXXXXXXVIIII1/2: Advent Crisis Custom
  • Ground attack Zakus
  • Zaku Marines
  • Desert Zakus
  • High Mobility Zakus
  • zaku tanks
  • Zaku Workers
  • Zaku Minelayers
  • Zaku Warrior
  • Gunner Zaku Warrior
  • Blaze Zaku Phantom
  • Strike Zaku Phantom
  • Gunner Blaze Strike Zaku Warrior Phantom
  • Zaku Plumbers
  • Zaku Prostitutes
  • Zaku Zakus
  • Zaku Zaku Zakus
  • ザク
  • Borjarnons
  • zakum
  • Zako Soldiers
  • Busshis
  • Zako Busshis
  • Evil Coop's mech army(from Megas XLR)
  • Zonder Robo El-14(from GaoGaiGar)
  • Goufs (I think)
  • Space Marine Dreadnoughts
  • Zaku Frenchmen
  • bascicly anything with zaku in the name
  • ZakuSalucard

edit See also


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