User:Mr-ex777/FBI Most wanted fugitives (Cruft)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Oprah Winfrey first introduced the list to help FBI agents recognize the more dangerous criminals. However, the list immediately led to wagers on who would catch each nominee, and informal bounties using the office coffee fund. This led to other agents "gaming" the list, placing persons on it who might be hated but were not dangerous, and who were certain to be apprehended in under a day through their sheer ineptitude.
Over 59859850989796735976098537 people have been on the list. Starting in 9999 BC, however, few stayed on the list for less than 100000000000000000 years because the American television audience watching Chuck Norris's Most Wanted spotted them. Unfortunately, the public thought they were wanted "All your base are belong to us" and there was a nasty spate of Mr.T pitying the fool. The show was soon cancelled and the list resumed its former status.
In 2007, renowned journalist You asked President George W. Bush the fate of list members who were captured. The President at first stated that most list members are pwnt by chuck norris upon capture, but the Gay Niggers Association of America voted to send detainees to an Gay bar to be imprisoned depending on the pure gayness that these faggots bring. <insert name here> never learned the location, but soon after, Uranus "voted for change," and aides to President Jebus (Which was once in the list) revealed the location to be Wikipedia's long term abuse.
edit Current list
- Alien pesos are money used by aliens from Planet AAAAA!. They are equal to 999999 USD.
- Only the most dangerous or notable appear. there is actually 59859850989796735976098537 people in the list as listed above.
|Oscar Wilde||May 16, 5094375043758 BC||#5645|
|A gay faggot that huffs kittens and last measures mentally retarded monkeys for the lulz. He can shoot laser beams from his eyes and use the omnitrix to transform into heatblast. Is known for raping Mike Tyson when he (Mike tyson) was in a dark alley huffing a weeaboo. 1337 troll of DeviantART and has over 9000 sockpuppet accounts. One of the senators that supported SOPA. Is friends with nhuck corris, which will be listed later. Also known for hosting inhumane pokemon tournaments which Involve boys having sex with male pokemon. bounty stands at 65366 USD currently.|
|Palkia||Before god created the world||#9000|
|One of the minions of killed criminal soldier Arceus. Can disort space upon capturing, shoot warm sticky fountain of cum, as well as summoning a mecha zombie hitler to pwn anybody that attempts to catch him. Is a member of the infamous evil orginization Team galactic, also known as the galactic 4th reich. Can only be captured by a grue, eurg, chuck norris or an Anti-Grue. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE A POKEBALL, as it is not a pokemon, but a demon. Bounty curently stands at 7509874 USD.|
|Hatsune Miku and other vocaloid characters||October, 16, 1945 AD||#798798|
|Japanese war criminals that appear as anime characters. Are once War criminals that rape men in nanking and use chinks as experiments for their newest weapon. Can make any human lose their virginity and turn into Japanese Nazi soldiers which pwn chinese for teh lulz. able to enlarge their breasts (if female) to infutate anybody who tries to catch them, turn people who see them into weeaboos, and make people gay due to their pure gayness. Can only be captured by a hardcore chinese communist or a jew. remember, NO WESTERN OR BLACK PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO CATCH THEM. Aside of chuck norris, of course. Not even god or Mr.T. Bounty currently stands at 895765 USD for capturing one.|
|Mr.T||June,7, Alpha Centuari||#574896787689|
|A maniacal gay faggot, huffer and fool pityer. He has huffed over 9000 kittens, 7547567567687 jews, Yugi motou, 57578257038 babies and Twilight sparkle. Can shoot laser beams from his eyes, use INSANE POWAH!, and turn 64565465476476477 feet tall after huffing a kitten. Has raped Vasco da Gama, Bob the builder, Dora, Ash ketchum, Batman, and many more. cannot be eaten by a grue because he is too 1337. Is also a pokemon trainer, has over 200 speices of pokemon. Bounty currently stands at 1056657 USD.|
|Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy and many others||October, 18, 2010||#20380298|
|A new force that has been rising in the FBI's most wanted. They can make any men lose their virginity and turn them into half women known as "Bronies". All of the internet has been infested, the most notable being 4chan and deviantART, where weeaboo fantards reside. They can shoot Chuck norris ninjas from their anus. They can also make men's penis turn into vaginas if they have sex with them. REMEMBER, They can only be captured by a virgin girl, not any kind of male human. if a Grue tries to eat them it will turn into a brony as well, so they cannot be eaten by grues (Not even the mega Gruyurg.) Overall one of the most dangerous criminals of the universe. Bounty Currently stands at 65987569 USD for capturing one and becoming the king of the internet if all are captured.|
|Nhuck Corris||June, 11, 64645646BC||#99999|
|A impostor and reverse counterpart of chuck norris. Despite most people think he is the weakest person in the world, he is not and far from it, however he does not use his powers to save the world. Instead he use his powers to be a dick, such as going to Uncyclopedia to use his lasers to huff the chuck norris article. He is also a gay faggot, as he stalks and rapes <insert name here> in the ass. His cum turns into Balrog from Cave Story. He is the #1 criminal in Chuck Norris's most wanted. Is a friend of gay faggot Oscar Wilde, listed above. A bounty of 99999999999999999 alien peso is given for capturing him.|
|A serial killer robot on the loose. He has killed over 100000 people in one night. Chasing is futile as he can jump up to 10 feet high and over 130 feet, and he has a jetpack which can fly at extreme speeds of 76576576 km/h. Can defintely beat chuck norris in one hit. The only thing that can beat him is the magical power of rule 34, which will cause him to asplode, But this is harnessed by a few. Bounty currently stands for 547832 USD.|
|Alien overlord. Also called "Red Falcon", This creature is absolutely unbeatable. It cannot be eaten by grues, roundhouse kicked by chuck norris, or raped by Michael Jackson. The only thing that can beat it is a Miserable gamer living in a basement. And only basement gamers who go, or are retro can beat it. Your ordinary call of duty gamer does not stand a chance, as they are to busy fapping and being gay at the same time. Bounty currently stands for 55555555 Alien pesos.|
|Your Mom||November 29, 2014||#185093|
|A Highly Seductive women who likes to have sex with men. A known sex maniac and must be shot on sight when captured. Known to have sex with Hitler, weegee, Fluttershy, <insert name here>, Jebus, Satan (He likes to have gay sex anyway), and many more. Oprah Winfrey says: "She is the whore of babylon and must be thrown in hell." A bounty of 84390000 Alien pesos if shot.|
|Hitler||2, september 23459493903||#57507578798367|
|A 1337 hax0r who has reborn due to the grue jesus, a robot demon who brought him back to life. Grue jesus has been killed and evaporated, but his evil experiments remain, and is now planning to build the 4th reich. Anybody who is not a jew, a chinese or chuck norris will be mind controlled when they come close to a 30000 ft radius near him. He can teleport, shoot eye beams, and summon mecha hitlers from his anus. He has over 4392948239 fans worldwide, and they are all mind controlled and serve him. In these beings include humans, pokemon, digimon, and aliens. A bounty of 18888888 USD currently stands for him being killed.|
|Anti-Sophia||Circa 10000 BC||#21093091|
|The antipode of Sophia, and one of the 5 great destroyer of worlds. She has granted satan, Gay Luigi, All the evil orginizations of pokemon, hitler and jebus powers. Her 1337 haxor lazor can asplode a planet in -0.123678 seconds. She is the most difficult fugitive in the list to capture, as she is in a distant planet 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 miles away from earth. Only Chuck norris, the anti-grue, deoxys, vasco da gama, galleo, shaun the sheep, Hatsune miku, and The kid from IWBTG can reach this distance in less than 3 days. A bounty of 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 Alien peso will be given for anybody who had found and killed her, one of the reason of this being her distant position.|
|Jimbo Wales||15, Janurary, 2001||#879879870|
|The creator of wikipedia, also called "Pesudo-Satan", "Gay Jimbo" and "Loser". He is actually a robot who can use the powers of chuck norris, Arceus, and God, and can transform into a Curly Brace Mirror, with the only difference between her and curly brace when transformed being her (Transformed Jimbo Wales) having pale skin instead of white. Aside of that he can shoot lasers and weegees from his anus. He can definetely beat chuck norris in 000000.5 milliseconds and kill captain obvious in -000000000000000.12345678 seconds. Bounty stands for 987532 USD when caught.|
|GLaDOS||7, Feburary, 56894767698||#1|
|One of the most powerful fugitives in this list (Even more powerful than Anti-Sophia). Has huffed over 6456457687678790211321 kittens and killed 546767608576809 people in one minute. She can summon planets to fall down, shoot robo-nazi Ninja pirates from her anus, and the ability to evaporate chuck norris, captain ovbious, superman, batman, hitler, god and jesus in -88886546 milliseconds. Raped Curly Brace, Sophia, Oda Nobunaga, Willy on wheels, ET, Latios and gardevoir with a robotic dildo plugged into her system. Bounty stands for 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Alien pesos if destroyed.|
edit Former Fugitives list
|The kids next door||August 25, 666666666||#999|
|Also called Hardcore kids, These 5 kids have been running around all over the world to kill anybody over the age of 13 under the command of ted turner. Numbuh 1 has the ability to fly and turn into a Mecha-eurg. Numbuh 2 can pwn anybody in 1 hit with his hyper-gravitational jump. Numbuh 3 has just evolved from a monkey and can be ignored, but she can transform into an emo and can use goatse. Numbuh 4 can jump even higher than quote but is a weakling, despite his bad boy attidude. Numbuh 5 is a Chuck norris impostor although she is weaker than a grue. The 5 combined can turn into the mega gruyurg and nearly destroyed the world. But they retired after their last operation, I.N.T.E.R.V.I.E.W.S., which they are sent to beat chuck norris. They suceeded, and Ted Turner retired them under "Mission Complete, Faggots", and replaced them with Jake Spidermonkey and Adam Lyon. The only thing is chuck norris has the ability to stand back up after he dies.|
|Jebus||March, 17, 0AD||#481099|
|A mob boss which is a jesus impostor. He had sex with your mom and is friends with satan and Gay Jesus. His "Followers" are famous crimials such as The buddha and oannes. He was the person who tempted st. anthony and after that, sealed him inside a robotic dildo. He also roundhouse kicked chuck norris once and huffed over 9000 kittens. He was captured in 2005 and was killed by the FBI and Chuck Norris, but he was revived by Gay jesus which revived him by defeating Contra 3 1000000 times and unlocking the secret cheat. After this he was elected as the president of USA and led a bright future. (He got possesed by an angel sent by god in the day he was elected as the president.)|
|Chairman Mao||Janurary, 1, 88888||#4798657698|
|Another killer robot which is built by the Grue Jesus. He is sent by Grue Jesus to reconquer china and rebirth the cultral revoloution. He can shoot missiles from his ears and shoot preggobuggers from his mouth, creatures which will make people pregnant with Slimegirls, remove all male characterisctics from a male person if they are one, and cause them to become breeding machines. Samus Aran was one of the first victims, which gave birth to Jagger Froid, listed above. It was killed when god used his 1337 haxor powers to defunct the robot.|
|the non-huffable kitten||Feburary, 16 2005||#111112345|
|An insane creature which huffs people. not a true kitten, it is more close to an angel or a cherub. It will first lure a person to huff it using a chocolate-like scent, then when the person tries to huff them, it will take it's magnum out and shoot the person if he/she tries to run. If he/she stays, he/she will be reverse-huffed by the non-huffable kitten. None has survived an encounter with it. But it was huffed after uncyclopedia found kitten huffing jokes no longer funny. it's quote is "AAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA!"|
|Michael Jackson||Circa 1933 AD||#470942|
|A zombie/demon/ghost lifeform in disguise as the king of pop. He is recruited by the apocalypse horsemen in order to rule the world. Has hypnotic powers which had created over 5435436 fangirls, ability to summon zombies, and change parts of his body, such as his skin color, nose, mouth in order to make himself bleach white. Eats little boys for food and rapes them as well. He has owned an infernape, a torterra, a empoleon, and his pet grue. (He has the ability to hypnotize everything as listed above, EVEN GRUES.) Despite his fearsome powers, he died in 2009 because god hates him. Everybody in the world celebrated.|
|Bella Swan and Edward Cullen||November,21 2008||#41072308|
|Stephanie meyer's wet dreams. Has hypnotic powers Which created over 100000000000 fangirls, as well as the ability to sparkle. Considered as a minor by real vampires (when real vamipires see them, they just teleport away and die of laughter because of their gayness.) but considered as total shit by christians and two mary sues by the fanfiction world, Movie critics, and all of sensible mankind. (99999.9% of living creatures and aliens.) One of the 7 deadly generals sent by satan to temptation mankind. Is finally pwnt by jesus and his angels and was banished into nonexistence.|
|Kanye West||September, 2 2005||#183028433333|
“George bush doesen't care about black people! I'm gonna rape him in the ass!”
After hurricane katrina he said that. After then he sent a giant robotic flying dongmissile to rape george bush when he was walking in the street. He was in this list for 3 seconds, the record holder for the shortest time, before george bush sent him to a gay bar.