User:Mordillo/D'arthangnan

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"Liberte, Egalite, Deodorante (Oysters, Women and Pshawww on Deodorant)"

~ Darth Vader on the legacy of D'arthangnan

"My God Man! What is this smell? Go and take a bloody shower!

~ Oscar Wilde in reverie on D'arthangnan's memory

"Napoleon? pfffff.... I am much taller than him

~ D'arthangnan thinking back on old friends


D'arthangnan is the utmost basic form of French Evil, being the only known living French Sith Lord, gave birth to De Gaule and of course, instigated the satanic Day of the smelly cheese.

edit Early Life

Even as child, raised in the tranquil surroundings of Dungeon number seven of the Bastille (also known as the French Death Star) D'arthangnan showed much prospect as he, au contrair to the other children playing "Damage the Monarch" or "Part the Noble's head from his body" orchestrated and headed the infamous French Revolutinary Court of La Femme Nikita impersonators (the one who eventually executed Peta Williams on the crime of "Australiasing a French Folk Hero").

Being a French patriot he always searched new ways to Frenchisize his evilness. I.E., he adored Darth Vader and worshiped him to the point of tattooing "I Love the Darth" on his plump behinds. Wishing for the combination of his affection for the dark side and his patriotism he promptly skipped his light saber classes and reverted into developing the new and revolutionary art of French Bread Fighting (Also known as: Death By Dough)

edit Political Career

edit French Revolution

As second in command only to The Torch, leader of the French resistance in occupied Germany, D'arthangnan insisted that all opposed to the new revolutionary rule should not be exceuted in the humane fashion of Ceremonial Female Armpit Exposure but rather stone them to death by Stinky Cheese, followed immediatly by singing the French revolutionary chant: "Voulez Vouz Coucher Avec Moi, Ces't Soir" ("100 ways to please a French Resistant, Hoe"). After being vetoed on the matter he immediatly resigend his position as Head Merderer (which is entirly different from Head Murderer)and vowed revenge on his fellow revolutioners, god, queen and country and chuck norris (realizing his mistake on the latter he made ammends to chuck by removing his left testicle and offering it as a token of his admiration).

Roundhousekick2
Chuck Norris showing his admiration for the testicle.


edit Invasion to Germany

On the contrary to common belief, World War Two, was not, in fact, instigated by the Germans but was from the start - a French nasty plan to dominate Europe and make all Europeans eat Croissans, and then blame the Germans for it.
Naturally, the master strategist/big dawg/head honcho/la grand comandante of the French invasion was non but our friend D'arthangnan. Hail to the chief.

Polandinvastion
French soldiers dressed as German Vermacht playing the all time popular "swing the polish gate".

edit D'arthangnan and Crimes against the humanity

The following are associated with D'arthangnan, being a loyal member of the sith order and commited to mayhem and distraction:

  • Day of the smelly cheese
  • Battle of the bulge (also known as: "the battle of are you happy to see me or is there an armored division in your pocket?")
  • 1989 Massacre of Amman
  • The Romanian Extortion
  • The Worse Romanian Extortion
  • The Much Worse Romanian Extortion
  • The Ultimatly Bad Ass Romanian Extortion (and you wonder why we hate romanians???)
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