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“Where am I??”
edit The meaning of 'drunk' elsewhere
Wasted; fucked up. In Britain, 'badgered' may be use.
edit International drinking
If you have been drinking too much, then the paint fumes may be getting to you. Try going to Mexico and signing up for a tequila-drinking contest, the prize for which must be around $330. Place 50 shots of tequila on your little shelf. Mini donuts or holes must be used for drunking of this type. After knocking back each shot of tequila, throw a mini doughnut or doughnut hole into your paint can.
But be careful, because if you drink 50 shots of tequila, you will move beyond drunk and into paralysis and then death. But that is another issue altogether.
Being drunk automagically puts you into the Plow the Bean Field and Forget Club. This club entitles the member to a raunchy night of steamy sex with the benefit of leaving the next morning. No strings, no need to pay child support. If she's at the bar, she's at least on welfare. Let Uncle Sam sort out the details.
When drunk, the "user" is allowed to scream, shout and do whatever he/she/it pleases. However, some species (read: fat girls and skinny goths, sometimes cross-bred, thusly creating Staind) change genders around 1:30AM. This new species is identified by a massive spillage of "body fat" that cascades over all sides of their 4-sizes-too-small Lei jeans. The creature will assume no gender, and generally fuck anything that falls in their path - skinny cowboys, gay pimps, tables and the Book of Mormon.
edit Why drunkenness?
Drunkenness is a state that many people devote a great deal of time, money and energy achieving. It takes many hours of intense self discipline to reach the lower level of consciousness that drunkenness allows. Once that level is achieved however great wisdom will follow. You will discover that the more you drink the more profound your observations will become:
- I am cool and, indeed, a sexgod
- All women are beautiful
- Your friends are dicks BUT you love them and you would take a bullet for them. You really would.
- Working is pointless and in fact fuck that shit
- Porcelain feels nice and cool and that cold food on the plate is really refreshing and comfy to rest your face on
- Any and all chicks will have sex with me
- Any and all men will actually notice me
- I'm not fat and these white tootsie rolls of mine are gripping onto the neck of this Bud Light for sheer life
Being Drunk is the number one cause of unexplained rug burns on the forehead.
Being drunk is the number one cause of corporate success in America. Christopher Columbus was drunk when he discovered the Netherlands in 1990.
Being drunk gives you temporary membership into the "Plow the bean and forget" club. She's ugly and she's buying YOU drinks. If she's at the bar, she's at least on welfare. Let Uncle Sam sort out the details.
Being drunk causes resentment towards bastards(the people and the device).
Being drunk caused bob dole to invent the bastard.
edit See also
- Theory of Relativity
- Soft drink
- Bud Light
- Fat Chicks turn into Paris Hilton
- Welfare Moms on top of the speaker at 1 AM
|States of Existence|
|Awake | Asleep | Semi-Conscious | Half Live | Dead (You are dead) | Dream | Dreaming | Dead but dreaming | Bored | Pregnant|
|Drunk | Stoned | Handicapped | Comatose | Undead | Born again|