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Gremlins, Hulk, Lucky penny {{:Awards/MetaAward|bordercolor=#000003|bgcolor=#fad44a|textcolor=#000000|titlecolor=#000000|image=[[Image:Award.png|50px]]|width=358px|title=Long Talk Page Award|text=This person should probably archive his talkpage or something. By "something" I mean "archive his talkpage", 'cause it's really, really long. Even with broadband, it's so long that, by the time it's loaded, I've forgotten what I came here to say. I hope it was something nice. People don't say enough nice things, you know. Why, just last week I was at the movie theater and I told the man in the row in front of me that his bald spot was nice. Well, he just blew his stack right there, punched me in my belly and stormed out. That wasn't nice at all. It was kind of rude, now that I think about it. I only remarked on the niceness of his bald spot because it was perfectly round. I didn't have a circle of similar circumference for comparision, granted, but it was close enough. This talkpage is nice. A bit long, though.|}}{{

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edit Small town lawyer

edit .

edit Infantry

edit The drugs

edit Mean streets

From 125th down to the park, that's from Mister Roger's neighborhood to here are the mean streets. Mean street. Esse, is it singular or multipical? You don't know? You better know before you come here and get all up in my grill with your white-bread talkin' like "Excuse me, dear sir...can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?".

I'll tell you how to get to Sesame Street. You on it, homes. Right here. The projects...the mean streets...Sesame Street.

edit The Park

edit The Po of Greenwich Village
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the Po 'cooter.”
~ Don Po on her scooter

Po is the original gangster. Hardcore. Old school. Sicilian. The family. Geddit? Her family symbol, an antenna with a circle on top, stands quietly above the front door of all the businesses, both legitimate and otherwise, that Po has a piece of. Which businesses around the Park have them? All of them. Po has her finger in more pies than a beach has grains of sand. Po likes it that way.

Po's dance club, Tubbytronic Superdome, is a front. A front for the Mob. Po's crew meets there every Saturday night, to discuss the things that La Cosa Nostra. Drugs, whores, guns, things that "...fell off the back of a truck", good places to bury bad garbage...that sort of thing.

If you've got a problem, one that the Law can't solve, you go to Po. Just be sure that you're willing to pay the price.

Oh, and make sure you don't comment on her height. She's a bit sensitive about it. When she gets sensitive, you get cement shoes, capice?

edit Sesame Street

edit Kermit the Frog

Kermit has had to deal with racism from anti-amphibian cracker ever since he was a little tadpole, back the deep, deep South. Ever since he could remember, people have been putting him down, holding him down and keeping him down. Working his way up from the swamp to become the manager of an unsuccessful theatre failed to ease his fears, as his anti-froggian boss, J.P. Grosse, didn't trust him around the talent. The honkey made him work under another honkey, a bespectacled brat by the name of Scooter. J.P. only smiled when he made Kermit fulfill the typical frog stereotypes, like play the banjo or sing about rainbows.

Even the short-lived marriage to his one true love, Mrs LeFrog (maiden name: Piggy), only exposed more of society's ugly underbelly. "Frogs and pigs shouldn't hook up.", people would say under their breath. "That just ain't right."

These slights built up over time, covering his moist green skin in a callus of callousness. Now Kermit is hard all over. He doesn't sing about rainbows anymore, and his banjo got pawned years ago for a fifth of whiskey, after his attempt (as K-Frog) to move into hip-hop (mostly hop) failed miserably. Even the African-Americans look down on a frog.

It ain't easy bein' green.

edit Oscar

Oscar used to be a contributing member of society. Wife, kids, station wagon, picket fence...the whole bit. That was before the war. Then he got drafted and sent to the 'Nam. Viet friggin' Nam. Eighteen months, including a year in the shit, roll by and a different Oscar returns stateside. A hard Oscar. Hard as felt can be. Sure, he still looked a little like the old Oscar, with green fur, brown monobrow and surly attitude, but he came home with a demon inside.

He managed to hide it for nearly twenty years. Twenty long years of waking up in a cold sweat. Twenty agonizing years of remembering the mud and the sweat and the blood. Two solid decades being haunted by the friends blown apart; torn to shreds by the ak-ak fire of VC AK-47s.

Then his job moved to Mexico. Without him.

Then his wife moved in with a Mexican. Again, without him.

After that, it was all downhill. He crashed the 'wagon, gambled away the picket fence and the bank reposessed the kids. Then he got addicted to the letter 'H'. He'd do anything to get 'H'; even kill. The monster, the "grouch", if you will, had won.

In desperation Oscar, now simply another 'H' junky of no fixed address, hid in a garbage can...and found that he liked it. In a surly way. The thin aluminum shell became a suit of armor to protect him from the world that had turned against him.

“If only those damn kids would stop banging on the lid!”

If only...

Image:2prophets2.png Image:2prophets1.png

edit .

edit Man School

Man School is an school run by men[1] for students who want to learn all about the do's and don'ts, or the "is's" and "ain'ts", of manliness, masculinity and other such important man-related man-subjects.

The school is unacredited because the administration, ie: men[2], coudn't be bothered to go through what the current Dean, Larry Swenton, calls "...that bullshit paperwork made up by those bullshitting paper pushers.". This means, in essence, that MS diplomas aren't worth the paper on which they are printed.

Also, MS doesn't hand out diplomas, as men[3] don't need, as the Dean is fond of saying at graduation ceremonies, "...a goddamned piece of paper to tell the world who they are. Real men are doers, not 'Ooo! Look how smart I am with my Bachelor of Arts'ers!".

edit MS Campus

The MS Campus consists of a bunch of buildings, some land, and a bunch of roads. Some of these roads are paved, for men[4] in cars, while others are not, for men[5] in trucks.

edit Manly School of Mananomics

The Man School Manly School of Mananomics, or MS-MSM, teaches men who want to be real men all of the things that real men know. MSM covers a wide array of subjects in a wide array of buildings on the wide MS campus.

edit Manly Shop of Metal

MS-MSM (MSM) programs include Metalwork, Welding, Automotive Mechanical Engineering and More Welding. While there are individual courses that involve girly shit like sewing machines, these all revolve around car interiors, so they're called things like Auto Upholstery, not Sewing. Men[6] upholster, not sew. Remember that.

Welding programs involve heating some manly kind of metal, like steel, and sticking it to another equally manly metal, like steel. Advanced courses use electricity rather than fire, but the metal is still a manly metal, like steel. The other metal is also still a manly metal, like steel.

MSM (MSM) automotive programs teach how to jack up, or "lift", trucks and jet, or "jet", the carbs on a '69 Camaro big block. Advanced courses, like AA409: Automotive Electronics, cover important subjects, like how to bang on the carburator with the back of a screwdrive, then stand clear and say to your wife, girlfriend or life-partner "Again!".

edit Man Cuisine, Cooking, and Foodmaking

Barbeque, steak, burgers and beer...and a nice tossed-green salad with blue cheese dressing on the side.

edit Man Lingo

With courses like SWR101: "Gosh" to "Aych-e Double Hockey Sticks" and FUK209: "Damn" to "Fuck" and Beyond the Man Lingo program teaches men how to talk like men. Men[7], simply put, swear. Students start off with simple curses, like "Jesus H. Christ!" and "Aw, shit...", then rapidly move up to more complicated swears, most of which are too vulgar to print here. Advanced courses in cursing move into the exotic realm of foreign swears, enabling men[8] to swear around their wives, girlfriends or life-partners without putting themselves in the doghouse.

edit School of Fashion

Motto: Straight Eye for the Straight Guy.

edit Man Clothing

"White T-shirt, blue jeans, shitkicker boots, leather jacket. Congratulations, you passed this course. Now get out, I've got a girl coming over."

edit Man Hair

Yes. Maybe run a comb through it once in a while. I like how you feathered your bangs. It really brings out your eyes. Those frosted tips are a good choice for your season. You're an autumn, definitely. You shouldn't use so much gel. Ooo, you're using that conditioner I recommended. Isn't it just to die for?.

edit MS Sports Department (Fields of Dreams'ses)

On the north side of MS is the sports field. Also, on the south side. Oh, and there's one in the middle (just East of another sports field that's also in the middle), because you can never have enough sports.

edit Football. American Football

Most of these fields are reserved for the most manly of sports: football. American football consists of a bunch of men[9] in shoulder pads and tight pants who line up, run around and jump on each other in a completely non-homoerotic way, and is so-named because adding the word "American" in front of something automatically makes that something 20% more manly. If in doubt, try some cheese. Check your chest. Now try American cheese. Check your chest again. See how much more manly your chest hair is?[10]

edit Slo-pitch

The central field, called "Central Field", is reserved for the manly sport of Slo-Pitch. Slo-Pitch is like baseball, minus the sobriety. "Central Field" is for Slo-Pitch because sometimes you're too drunk to play American football. American football is played while sober because alcohol impedes blood clotting.

Slo-pitch, on the other hand, is the ideal sport for those that consume alcohol to excess, as it doesn't really involve any athletic activity whatsoever and requires, at best, a minimal sense of coordination. Also, there's a keg at second base. And first. Also, third and homeplate.

edit Mathematics of Sports and Mathematics

Man School Sport MSM programs specialize in the most important mathematical niche: sports analysis.

Early courses, like SS102: Baseball Player ERA, teach students about how to calculate the ERA, or "Earned run average", of a baseball player. Midlevel courses, like SS301: Beat the Spread, help students to learn how to decrease their losses when gambling on games. Advanced courses, like SS509: Streaking Made Simple, teach how to figure out just how big your fine will be after you strip off all of your clothing and streak, or "streak", across a baseball or American football field during a lull in the game.

edit Medical School of Medicine

MS's Medical School of Medicine, or MS MSM is known worldwide, but especially around the MS campus, for its excellent medical programs. Many incompetent but manly men[11] have walked its fabled halls, slept in its fabled classrooms and walked out of its fabled doors.

Highlights of its doctorate program include courses like MED205: Rub Some Dirt on It, MED301: Walk It Off and MED101: How to Self Prescribe and Get Away with It. Lowlights of the program the steep entry requirements of at least Grade 9 and an ability to stay awake long enough to get a PhD in Doctorolgy, as the program is six whole weeks long. Midlights are the fact that in week two students get to cut up a frog, and week three they do the same thing to a dead hobo.

edit Free Parking

Most of the campus is a parking lot, with plenty of space between the manly cars and the more manlier trucks, because men[12] don't want some pussy parking his goddamned pansy Rabbit Cabrio beside their four-by-four...Although the interior on that one is nice. What do you think, lover?! Also, they hate it when someone parks too close, then dings their door. These "someones" are commonly referred to in man lingo as "mother fuckers"[13]

edit Admissions

“If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team go to Man School.”
~ Nameless narrator on University of Man

edit Footnotes

  1. Real men!
  2. Real men!
  3. Real men!
  4. Real men!
  5. Real men!
  6. Real men!
  7. Real men!
  8. Real men!
  9. Real men!
  10. This experiment not recommended for broads.
  11. Real men!
  12. Real men!
  13. Warning: The page that you just read may contain filthy words

edit ..

edit Wanted dead or alive

The seas are all the same, only the names will change

Its all the same, only the names will change

Scurvy it seems, has me wasting away

Everyday it seems we're wasting away

Another port where the grog is so cold

Another place where the faces are so cold

I'd sail all night just to get that gold

I'd drive all night just to get back home

Chorus: I'm a pirate, on a seahorse I ride

Im a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

I'm wanted dead or alive

Im wanted dead or alive

Wanted dead or alive

Wanted dead or alive

Sometimes I heel to port, sometimes I turn starboard

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes its not for days

And I fire my guns, and shar-har!-pen my sword

And the people I meet, always go their separate ways

Sometimes you tell the day

Sometimes you tell the day

By the bottle that you drunk

By the bottle that you drink

And times when youre all alone all you do is thunk

And times when youre all alone all you do is think

Chorus I sail these seas, Pete the parrot by my side

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back

I bury the booty deep, at night on a low tide

I play for keeps, cause I might not make it back

I been everywhere, fired many cannon ball

I been everywhere, still Im standing tall

Ive seen the Spanish Navy, an' I sunk 'em all

Ive seen a million faces an Ive rocked them all

I'm a pirate, on a seahorse I ride

Im a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

Im wanted dead or alive

Im wanted dead or alive

I'm a pirate, I got a patch on one eye

Im a cowboy, I got the night on my side

Im wanted dead or alive

Im wanted dead or alive

Wanted dead or alive

Wanted dead or alive

edit ..

赤い (Red) オレンジ (Orange) 黄色い (Yellow) グリーン (Green) 青い (Blue) 藍色 (Indigo) スミレ (Violet) ペーズリー織り (Paisley)

edit Dr. Sparkle

edit Our Lady of the Everlasting Gobstopper

edit You are happy to meet me

Luis Palau

edit ...

edit UnTunes: Nerds in the rusty Le Car

Here them come
The nerds in the rusty Le Car
Waving their dice in the air
Who do they think they are?
And where did they get that car?

There they go
The boys in the rusty Le Car
Driving quietly past all the girls
It's the high elf Randor
And Ash Redbeard the dwarf



There they go
The exhaust sure is smokin'
Some old lady called the cops
Said the car is probably broken (broken)

There they go
The exhaust sure is smokin'
Some old lady called the cops
Said the car is probably broken (broken)

Here they come
The nerds in the rusty Le Car
Waving their dice in the air
Who do they think they are?
And where did they get that car?



edit .

[West Side Story, Limbaugh/Obama remix]

[From the 2009 movie version of the musical]

Rush: Hono-lulu, he was-n't born there
A nappy 'fro is his hair
Obama: The winds of hope and change blowing
Rush: Also the government is growing
And the money owing...
Obama: And the white folks steaming
And the rednecks screaming
I like the town of Washington
Smoke your ci-gar and put that in

Rush: You shoudn't be in America
Obama: Okay to be in America
Everything's free in America
Crowd: For a small fee in America

Obama: Taxing and spending is so nice
Rush: One look at us and he charges twice
Obama: I have a new healthcare regime
Rush: That sounds just like socialis-eem

Rush: Deficits bloom in America
Abortions zoom in America
Terrorists room in America
Obama: Dubya is gone in America

Rush: Emp-ty old housing, emp-ty space
Obama: Lots of doors slamming in my face
I'll get a terraced apartment
Rush: You had be-tter lose that ne-gro tint

Obama: The future's bright in America
Rush: We're gonn-a fight for America
Obama: Everything's right in America
Rush: Unless you're white in America

Obama: Here I am free and I have pride
Rush: Long as you stay on your own side
Obama: Free to be anything I choose
Rush: Free to wait tables and shine shoes

Rush: Everywhere grime in America
Obama: Improving things in America
Rush: Terrible time in America
Obama: You forget I'm in America

Rush: I think you go back to Ken-ya
Obama: I think you've got par-a-noi-a
Rush: Everyone there will give big cheer
Obama: Everyone there will have moved here

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