1 January 2007
Modusoperandi, winner of December's Mister Nude UnBooks Author of the Month, thanked the literally tens of users who voted for him today. Rather, they didn't vote for him today, he thanked them for voting whenever they did happen to vote; unless they did both vote today and did do so for him, in which case they're probably too late and should perhaps consider the purchase of a calendar. Also, he's not thanking them for voting before December, because that means that they probably didn't vote for him. Instead, they would've voted for someone other than him and, while thankful for their votes for whomever, whenever they occured, it's up to those very someone elses to thank the users for those votes.
December, incidentally, was also International really long and rambling sentences that just go on and on, never getting to the point, and meandering in a roundabout way both to and fro, until your head feels all mushy and you have to lay down for a bit Month.
He opened his speech, at a soaping and showering held in honour of both his general state of dirtiness and of his having received the coveted award, thusly, "Thank you for your vote for AotM; a vote in one of the closest races since Joe "Typin'" Daniels beat Charlie "Also Typin', but in a Slightly Different Typeface" Worthington way back in Ought Four. People told me, back when I first started to do this newfangled UnBooks thing, 'You can't do this; this newfangled UnBooks thing. Making a page of text is simply scandalous. What ever will the neighbours think?' or sometimes 'You gonna finish that pudding?'. I'd say, 'Ha!' in return. Sadly, they were unaware of my witty remark, as I said it aloud, rather than in the socially acceptable emoticon manner. How I heard their side of the conversation is, quite frankly, unclear. Perhaps I'm making this all up. That's what Ockham's razor would conclude."
"They thought I was mad! 'Mad', I say! 'Tis true! Or, rather, 'twas true, as the matter is surely beyond doubt by now." he continued, bringing the packed shower stall to its collective feet in wild clapping and dropping of sponges, "I'd like to thank Hardwick Fundlebuggy and Super90 for their thoughtful tweaks."
"To close," he closed, "I plan to never again write an UnBook, as they're weird and they frighten small dogs. Or children. I get the two confused sometimes. Of course, since I had never planned to write an UnBook before, but wrote a couple anyway, my word at this point is worth about as much as the soap that, also at this point, is stinging my eyes."
"I was just expecting a template. This UnNewsish thank you note is, well, unexpected. The wife is so shaken up by this unexpected event that she spilled the tea, which was also a surprise. Which is good, because tea is gross. Except Chai tea, which hardly counts as tea, really." said another.
Other users are reported to be thankful for whatever "...of the Month" award they received. Except Drama, 'cause he's an asshole. So fuck him.