User:Modusoperandi/Babel:Obama

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The content-free encyclopedia that anyone can hope to change
30,748 articles that look with hope to the future of change

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Welcome to Obamapedia

Lilbarackobama

Obamapedia has over 23,000 hope-filled, future-looking, change-centric entries, overseen by Obama's radiant smile and relentlessly positive outlook. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 4 reversions of Bush-era edits, 1,400 edits that did virtually nothing at all, 26,280 edits that caved into the Republicans and 42,800 more edit showcasing Democratic Party spinelessness and disarray...and then Obama speaks and you're suddenly in love all over again. *Swoon*

Daily Obama quote:

"A moonbeam in every pot and a unicorn in every garage."

Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the not hopeful enough Happypedia here.

Today's Featured Article - Solar flares

Guy drowning in sun

Solar flares are inexplicable fiery eruptions that occur on the surface of the Sun and make for some pretty cool desktop wallpapers. A single solar flare can release up to 6 × 1025 joules of heat into the vast vacuum of space, enough energy to power the city of Baltimore for far too long. The phenomenon is one of the leading wasters of energy in the universe, second only to people who forget to turn off the lights when they leave a room. Currently, nobody knows for certain how or why solar flares occur, although several theories have been developed by the American Astronomical Society and the very vocal scientific experts that comment on Yahoo! News articles.

One of the most widely accepted explanations for the phenomenon is that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans, which would explain their name. After the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated while reentering the Earth's atmosphere, neither the crew nor their flare guns were recovered, leading some to believe that the ship's crew escaped on a life boat to the Sun and now sets off flares periodically in hopes of signaling NASA scientists. Some have gone as far as to say that other forms of extraterrestrial life have also become stranded on the Sun's surface after crashing their flying saucers, but those people are just crazy.(more...)

Recently featured: Solar flares - Stairs

Yesterday's Featured Article - Stairs

Heaven stairs

Stairs is the term given to more than one stair arranged diagonally to allow ease of movement between a lower floor and an upper floor, which comes in especially handy during commercial breaks when the toilet is on a different floor to the television viewing room. During the Dark Ages many viewers missed the recap of what happened before the last break due to the inefficiency of rope-ladders and fireman poles, particularly for those afflicted with aching joints and leprosy. Stairs were invented to address this problem as well as providing an effective defense against Dalek invasions. The invention of stairs also had other unforeseen benefits such as providing a safe and local government body-approved way to exit a building if the elevator fails during a fire.

Stairs are useful as a navigation aid for traversing a multi-level building or dungeon, even where no such stairs exist. The term upstairs can mean any floor above another floor, even if that floor is downstairs from another floor above it. This upstairs-downstairs duality has often resulted in confusion for many building dwellers who can’t decide which floor they need to be on when exiting an elevator. Many reports of missing people have been resolved when they were found wandering aimlessly caught in the limbo between upstairs and downstairs.

Stairs should not be confused with steps, which are completely different except in cases where they can conveniently mean the same thing when it suits this article. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured The economic effects of retarded babies, featured on 22 November 2010. See the featured version.

In the news

On this day...

MillionCybermanMarch

November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day (not celebrated for some reason)

  • 200 Sex is invented.
  • 1812 - Puzzle potato officially refound. Citizens everywhere rejoice.
  • 1910 - Hekyll and Jekyll secretly meet to create the Federal Reserve System.
  • 1932 - The first time machine is successfully tested.
  • 1945 - Nazis accidentally explode nuclear bomb in Dresden. Allied air forces are subsequently blamed for mass firebombing.
  • 1952 - In Guatemala, CIA first operation gives start to a era of brutal military dictatorships sponsored by the US government in Latin America ... wait... thats not funny...
  • 1957 - The invisible wallet of gold is stolen in Manchester, England. Local swan is blamed
  • 1963 - J. F. K. accidentally assassinated by angry, confused polar bear. Polar bear plants gun on napping Lee Harvey Oswald and escapes in a get-away sled. Nobody looks into it very much.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the moon landing.
  • 1970 - The Million Cyberman March (pictured) is held in Washington, DC. Conspiracy theorists claim that it was actually a failed invasion from outer space.
  • 1983 - America's largest Tin foil hat manufacturer is shut down - at the same time as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1985 - 1985th anniversary of "Going to bed on November 21 and waking up on November 23 mysteriously" day
  • 1986 - Hands Across America is celebrated at the same time as secret evidence is presented during the Iran-Contra trial.
  • 1988 - J.F.K. zombie rises from dead and rampages across U.S. leaving hundreds slain in his wake. U.S Secretary of Wizardry David Copperfield resurrects the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to stop the monster.
  • 1989 - Remains of JFK's brain grafted into a 150ft tall, titanium, laser-eyed, nuclear-powered robot to celebrate the anniversary of his death. JFK-9000 ran amuck and was subsequently destroyed by Godzilla, who had to be flown in especially from Tokyo, Japan.
  • 1992 - Mossad agents from the future assassinate Sam Weaver in Ruby Ridge for unknown reasons.
  • 1997 - INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence debuts his hit single "Noose Sensation".
  • 1999 - CIA operatives go berserk in Columbine High School, killing 14 people including two innocent students who were subsequently blamed.
  • 2000 - Shadow Internet #1 created. Subsequent internets are created in the coming years.
  • 2000 - John Titor stops by for a chat on his way back to 2136.
  • 2001 - George W. Bush places blame on Afghanistan for Terra-ist attack 11 days earlier, when in actuality he did it in order to have an excuse to declare war.
  • 2005 - Federal Government attempt to reduce surplus population in New Orleans fails with just over 700 deaths.
  • 2006 - South Park exposes 2001 conspiracy as a conspiracy; Bush too stupid to blow up planes
  • 2007 - November 22 mysteriously wiped empty
  • 2008 - Squirrel resembling J.F.K. assasinated.
  • 2048 - The first time machine is invented.
  • 3048 - The Second time machine is invented to go retrieve the crucial parts of First Time machine which blasted in New Orleans in 2005 causing 700 deaths.
  • 55441 - John Titor never did get back.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Nukemeifyoucan2

Now showing at all good Middle-Eastern warzones near you!

Image Credit: Olipro
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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