User:Modusoperandi/Babel:Obama

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Latest revision as of 00:47, January 17, 2012

Welcome to Obamapedia,

The content-free encyclopedia that anyone can hope to change
30,551 articles that look with hope to the future of change

Beginner's Guide · America: Here to help · Style · Help · Donations

Categories · Best of America · A–Z index

Welcome to Obamapedia

Lilbarackobama

Obamapedia has over 23,000 hope-filled, future-looking, change-centric entries, overseen by Obama's radiant smile and relentlessly positive outlook. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 4 reversions of Bush-era edits, 1,400 edits that did virtually nothing at all, 26,280 edits that caved into the Republicans and 42,800 more edit showcasing Democratic Party spinelessness and disarray...and then Obama speaks and you're suddenly in love all over again. *Swoon*

Daily Obama quote:

"A moonbeam in every pot and a unicorn in every garage."

Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the not hopeful enough Happypedia here.

Today's Featured Article - Death

HumanSkull

Death is the process by which live things complete the transition to becoming dead things. Traditionally, this is achieved by ceasing all biological functions and falling to the floor as a lifeless pile of jelly. The generally agreed procedure at this point is to attract hundreds of insects and decompose horribly. There are very few departures from this formula and, given that everybody who goes through it is dead, this is unlikely to change any time soon.

Death has been the subject of extensive debate over the years. There are hundreds of competing theories for what happens afterwards. These range from being reborn to absolutely nothing happening whatsoever and entering a state of eternal nothingness — an eternal oblivion. The state of eternal oblivion is easily experienced by taking a stopping train to Aberystwyth, or by inviting a plumber to explain exactly what he is doing to the ball-cock.

It is common for people to have funerals after they die. These funerals are where friends of the deceased mourn their passing, before descending into petty squabbles and litigation over the deceased person's will. Death is often described as being the ultimate leveller. As Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius observed in 180 AD: "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." Such a quotation is sure to enliven any post-bereavement repast. (more...)

Recently featured: Death - Ernest Hemingway - RAF Packington

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ernest Hemingway

Hemtolstoy

He lived. Primarily in the first half of the 20th century. Then for a while in the last half. He wrote things (such as books), drank things (such as alcohol), and shot things (such as his face). He had a beard. He married more than his fair share of rich women. He once owned a tiny Jewish slave named Windemere. Let us examine this complex man and his complex works. Without neglecting his complexity.

Ernest Hemingway was born in the United States. His father was an Amish magician. His mother was not. He cried a lot when he was a baby. Babies cry a lot. Sometimes it is because their pants are heavy. Sometimes it is because they cannot have fine French wine. Even as a baby Hemingway could tell a good wine from a bad one.

Hemingway cried. He did not have decent French wine. He would have it later. But right now he did not have it. The house did not have indoor plumbing. It would have it later, when Ernest was ten. When he turned ten he would be fascinated with the hot and cold taps. He would call it a Big Two-Heated River. He would wish the taps would pour out whiskey and absinthe. But they did not. Besides, his house did not have plumbing yet. While he was looking for a restroom, he would often shoot things. (More...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured War, featured on 25 April 2012. See the featured version.
User:Dr. Skullthumper/10 reasons to defrost Frosty, featured on 25 April 2011. See the featured version.
Tooth Fairy, featured on 25 April 2010. See the featured version.
Tradesmen, featured on 25 April 2009. See the featured version.

In the news

On this day...

Obese

April 25: National Obesity Appreciation Day

  • 0 - The world's first April 25th was celebrated. Nostradamus predicts the world's first April 26th to occur a day later. He later predicts the birth of Jimbo Wales and the creation of Wikipedia, but no one believes him due to the idea of both being so stupid.
  • 908 - A horde of plus-sized Vikings raid the east coast of Britain and set up a new IKEA store.
  • 1301 - First known use of the phrase "I don't give a shit" thought to have been said somewhere around London, England.
  • 1607 - Dutch Commando Dykes led by Hans Solo destroy the anchored Spanish fleet.
  • 1847 - The last survivors of the Donner Party are out of the wilderness. Shortly after, the first McDonners resturant opens. First item on the menu: McRib.
  • 1862 - The worlds first battery operated fork is created; two million die during its first use.
  • 1859 - Ground is broken for the Suez Canal. Israelis and Egyptians immediately begin fighting over who owns the hole.
  • 1915 - Australians invade Turkey, only to piss off next year.
  • 1918 - Turks invade Australia, but have stayed permanantly to drive taxis.
  • 1921 - Fattest US president in history, William Howard Taft, eats a steak.
  • 1950 - The Michelin Man Ii born.
  • 1955 - The first McDonalds is opened.
  • 1956 - "Obesity" is a recognized health problem.
  • 1957 - Overweight Appreciation day is upgraded to Obesity Appreciation Day, whilst Overweight Appreciation Day changes to 25th December.
  • 1986 - First annual (and only) all-night Soviet Power Plant Workers' Tetris competition held.
  • 1990 - Astronauts deploying the Hubble Space Telescope drop it on the way out the door, knocking it slightly out of focus.
  • 2003 - The International Federation of Dentists cancel all appointments for the month of August, in protest that floss and tooth picks, are not bar-coded.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

LandoftheJews

Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.

Image Credit: RabbiTechno
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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