User:Miley Spears/Chihuahua shot

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Police shoot pet Chihuahua dead after giving it warning


Family photo of Jack, the Chihuahua mix dog that police classified as "vicious."

BLUE ASH, Ohio — Police shot dead a Chihuahua-mix dog, but only after first warning it.

Jack was the 5-year-old pet of the Bullock family. The parents bought the dog as a young puppy for their then 7-year-old son. "Our son needed the protection of a Chihuahua," said Mrs. Bullock. "He needed protection badly."

Mr. Bullock added, "Can you imagine being a first-grade boy with a last name meaning someone cut off your balls? I can."

While the Bullocks were out, the dog left, but later returned. "He was probably out looking for bullies," said Mr. Bullock. "First grade baddies were bad enough, but now our son's starting junior high. Those kids will do worse than call you names, much worse. They'll give you wedgies. I know."

But when the family returned home to their front porch, they were horrified. They nearly slipped on bullets and blood. They then saw a note telling them to call the police about their dog.

Police Officer Mike Greyface said, "Look, you have to understand what we're talking about here. This wasn't some tail-wagging, hand-licking, 4-lb. little puppy. This was a vicious, dangerous, 5-lb. dog. If you don't think five pounds is dangerous, my Smith & Wesson semiautomatic weighs just 24 1/4 oz. when it's empty." He patted his pistol and added, "right now it weighs just a little bit more."

Officer Ricardo Salazar agreed. "That perro dog he ran right for us, straight for me. Si, the dog he was on his property, but we were wearing our police officer uniforms. The dog he should have stopped. If a dog is not trained to yield to persons in the uniforms, that is the fault of the dog--I mean of the family--it is not of ours. We even gave it the warning. I said, "¡Deténgase o disparo!" My partner he said it in English, 'Stop or I'll shoot!'"

"So whether it was a legal American dog or an illegal alien canine," said Greyface, "we spoke its language."

"We shot it with our Taser gun, and it went loco!" said Salazar. "It bit me, and I could feel it! So we shot it dead. Three times."

Mr. Bullock told local media he couldn't understand why the police instantly resorted to violence, and didn't first call PETA. "They know how to handle dogs, not like these supposedly trained police officers. PETA would have sent a couple protesters in minutes to take off their clothes. That would have distracted Jack long enough that he could have been handcuffed, not shot. Then he could have been tried in a just court and found innocent. Instead, he'll be found in the obituary pages."

Officer Greyface disagreed. "Naked people on the front porch would have distracted us, not the dog. It could have done worse than one bite, much worse. It could have bit twice. That second bite could have inflicted a fatal injury, even a terminal, deadly disease. I don't care if the suspect did have a clean record with no history of violence. We shot the suspect with a Taser just once, and the mangey mutt went crazy. How do we know it didn't have rabies, or parvo, or bad temper?"

According to the Blue Ash Police Department, the officers will not be disciplined. The department claims the officers were following standard procedures for dealing with a potentially rabid Chihuahua-mix dog when found on its own front porch.

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