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Miles Tails Prower, Peter Weller or (the real) RoboCop 2 is a cyborg police officer with the Station Square Police Department AND The Resistance Against the Machines (and the Jack Bauer 'Right to Bear Arms' Club.) There were rumors that he was Sonic the Hedgehog's sidekick but Peter Weller stepped in and declared the notion horseshit.


Tails is going to fucking kill you and still have enough time for Maria.

edit History

edit Early life on Mobius

Tails grew up in a normal loving family, his father a former Royal Air Force Colonel for Knothole and his mother, some average high society fox chick. His favorite pastime was watching 24 and quoting Jack Bauer. Then one day in Station Square, his father was sniped for looking out the windows by the Sniper Kitty of 48. Soon his mother fell victim to the Sniper Kitty and from then on, Tails declared war on all cats. He left his home with nothing except a Jack Bauer (TM) Approved Jr. Toolset, a copy of "Interrogation for Dummies" and a Daniel Craig bobblehead.

edit Sonic

Tails met Sonic in 2008 when Sonic was breaking the speed limit (as usual). Tails took off after Sonic, trying to pull him over but Sonic spindashed the living crap out of Tails and Tails for a few moments, went into unconciousness. During that period, he met Peter Weller and Weller bestowed Tails with the form necessary to kick Sonic's ass and take control of the SEGA gaming mascot status. Tails was made into a RoboCop version of himself and the fox went after Sonic.

The remains of Sonic were used by Hannibal Lector to create a tasty meal for the President of the Philharmonic. Hannibal sent Tails a Christmas card in thanks.

edit The Most Badass Talking Animal?

When Tails was put in the RoboCop suit, he was bestowed with 3/4ths of Peter Weller's powers and abilities including his voice when he reached the correct age. This has led to some debate on whether Tails is indeed the Most Badass Talking Animal next to Jack Bauer's German Shepard. Here is a list of Tails' feats so far:

  • Showed Shadow the Hedgehog up by hijacking a time machine and saving and boffing Maria Robotnik.
  • Made sure Knuckles made it to the Second California Presidental Primary.
  • Made an appearence in a SEGA remake of 24
  • Killed Chris Thorndyke without hearing a single whine from that pansy.
  • Created two airplanes at a young age and without FAA approval.
  • Flies with two tails without FAA approval.
  • Blasted the Iblis Trigger at a gas station and blew up Mephiles' motorcycle.
  • Beat System Shock 2 on "Impossible" without needing to change his Hanes.
  • Boffed every female character on Sonic X, except Chloe O'Brien's clone, the Wheechair Girl, Chris Thorndyke's mom, the Plant Thing, Cream the Rabbit and that Rouge robot-bat thing

edit Maria

Stfu teller

Penn Teller on what to do when you see Maria Robotnik alone.

Maria Robotnik is Tails' wife. Therefore no man or woman is allowed to attempt any kind of romantic relationship. However some people have tried and the following is a guide on how to attempt to get Maria:

  • If you can, try raping her in the dark. Tails MIGHT not have his Infared vision on...oh wait...too late. BANG!
  • That little green dot on your forehead does not mean you're Hindu. It means you're approaching Maria's bedroom and Tails has his sights on your ass.
  • If Tails finds you, RUN as FAST as you can. That way you can piss him off even further making him exercise. But still, you WILL die.
  • Wear a Shadow the Hedgehog bodysuit. Oh wait..Tails hates hedgehogs.

edit Facts about Tails

The True Facts About Tails:

  1. Tails knows where you live and now you know that. So he might kill you from now on (if he has to)...
  2. The Chinese have Chow Yun Fat, The British have Daniel Craig, The Australians have Mel Gibson, California has Arnold Schwarzenegger, Japan has Tails and the United States has Chuck Norris, Peter Weller and Jack Bauer
  3. He doesn't need to fly anymore. He only needs to walk through walls.
  4. If you fuck with Tails, he will shove his tails down your throat.
  5. Tails doesn't need a house. He's happy to live with Maria.
  6. Tails may be in between the ages of 8 to 25, but he'll still kick your ass.
  7. Tails kills any man who stares at Maria for more than ten seconds.
  8. If you call him a bad fox, he'll kick your ass so bad you'll be the only one in heaven with a wheel chair.
  9. Tails is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked for his two tails.
  10. Tails does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Tails goes killing.
  11. Tails impressed Peter Weller and this is what he got.
  12. Tails spun his tails so fast that he created a time-space warp, went back in time, and killed G.U.N before they could shoot Maria Robotnik.
  13. Tails is six feet tall, weighs two-tons, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. (Honest!)
  14. When Maria Robotnik sends in her taxes, she sends blank forms and includes only a picture of Tails, crouched and ready to attack. Maria has not had to pay taxes ever.
  15. A Handicap landing sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped pilots. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Tails and that you will be handicapped if you land your plane there.
  16. Tails once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a Maria Robotnik clone in it.
  17. Tails once met Eggman and they had a debate on who killed more hedgehogs. At the end, Tails won.
  18. In real life, Tails doesn't kill you. He orders his tails to do it, so you can't blame him later (as if you could blame him after you die anyway it's more of an honour than a punishment).

edit See Also

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