User:MelvanaInChains/Battle Arena Toshinden
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Battle Arena Toshinden was the most popular fighting game ever created, with its revolutionary character models, beautiful environments and let's not forget extremely fast and intense action.
There was also an anime about it, but nobody cares. It was anime after all.
Basically a gigantic fighting tournament dedicated to all fighters who have incredibly slow reflexes. There has been talk about a tournament with a name that's really hard to pronounce so screw that.
The gameplay could be summed up as 'Soul Blade on nyquil'. While fun, the characters might as well be duking it out in a vat of quicksand, which would actually make it faster.
In three, all characters were thrown in enclosed spaces, in which, if enough time passed during being launched by an attack, the fighters could get slammed on the walls and cielings.
Most characters wield weapons, mostly typical (swords, whips, daggers), while some are just really unfair (chainsaws, handguns, twin blowguns). Also, the third installment teaches us a lesson that chainsaws can, in fact, slice into robots made out of steel in under a millisecond.
There's too many characters in this series, so I don't feel like adding every damned o--
There's too many characters in this series to remember, so not all are listed.
Battle Arena Toshinden: The Beginning Of A Series Not Many Cared For
- Eiji - The most generic Japanese swordman to date, and spiked hair to boot. However, fans have argued that he's extremely original because he can fling fireballs. This is plausible, as you can make any character suddenly seem very inspired by adding a projectile attack. An example of such would be Shaq in his critically acclaimed arcade/Virtual Boy fighting title, Shaq Fu Ultra Fighters Coliseum.
- Kayin - Holy hell, a Scottish swordsman in a Japanese fighting game that isn't stereotypically red-haired nor wears a kilt. Thus, this character doesn't make any sense.
- Sofia - The token dominatrix and obvious whore that every good fighting game needs. Failed to attract young male gamers as blocky curves don't come off as seductive.
- Rungo Iron - Guile. With a club.
- Fo Fai - Stereotypical old guy. But he's evil. Like black-as-night evil. Whoa, man, whoa.
- Mondo - Owner of Mondo Burger. Was seen in the 'Good Burger' movie trying to castrate Ed for making a damn good sauce.
- Duke of Fortune Man - He's fighting because he's fat.
- Gaia - Oh come on, you know what's coming. That and he looks like a certain gray-haired prick later in the series.
- Earthworm Jim - The series's mascot. Appeared in every single BAT game except the PC version of BAT:TBoaSNMCF. Says 'hey honey' a lot.
Battle Arena Toshinden 2: Trust Us, The Game Speed Is Still Eye-Bleedingly Fast
- Chaos - Bald guy who also happens to be insane. Therefore there is suspicion that this man is actually Billy Corgan.
- Master - I can't even describe this character. The name is making me piss my pants in fright.
- Vermillion - A pimp with a golden gun, who also happens to be Goth. So alongside Kayin, this character also makes no sense either. I mean seriously.
Battle Arena Toshinden 3: Look, We Added A Shitload Of Characters And Three Blatant Pop Culture References As Characters
- David - My god, his voice is very much filled with rage. He's also suspected to be emo, but when both of your parents are murdered when you're very young, you tend to not exactly be a big ray of sunshine.
- Michael Jackson - With BAT's mindbendingly huge fanbase, they managed to get ol' Jacko as a sponsor, complete with his attire from 'Smooth Criminal'. Only difference was that he was portrayed as a bloodthirsty psychopath who is a mass murderer, but that's just nitpicking.
- Catwoman - Takara vs DC. See, Ed Boon, you're not so original, you dick.
- Adam - Big giant robot. Only thing original to this one is that he falls in love with a human, so his backstory was probably written by someone over at deviantART.
- Balga - The offspring of a football player and a knight, he trained all his life to become strong enough to beat the other knight guy, Duke of Fortune Man. When their battle finally commenced, Balga saw a quarter lying on the ground and bent over to pick it up, which was the exact moment Duke of Fortune Man impaled him. Happy times.
- Jason Vorhees - Michael Jackson vs DC vs Friday the 13th. Holy shit. Too bad this isn't really Jason, just a 16-year-old from England who just has a bit of a quirk. Like eat human skin. Hook me up granny.
- Veil - A tasty meat. But it's EVIL.
- Naru - It's not fucking Naruto, so this character is automatically awesome. Also can somehow carry a huge sword and defeat demonic organization leaders while being 4 years old, tops, so do not confront her when she finally hits puberty.
Battle Arena Toshinden 4: Everybody In The Previous Game Died LOL
There was a fourth one?
MORE TO COME DON'T HUFF THIS YET AYTHRTHERT345