User:Meganew/Shark Bite
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A myth has circulated stating that Shark Bite is being run by Microsoft in their Middle Eastern laboratory. This myth, surprisingly enough, is 100% true. The evil terrorist overlords has placed their complete faith in Bill Gates, who now rules over all of these remote laboratories and the Shark Bite Corporation itself, though other rumors, such as the one about him spitting into every 10th drink, are completely ridiculous and false by all means. He spits in every 2nd drink, which is labeled as a special edition and sold for more than it's worth.
Shark Bite is a registered trademark of Shark Bite Inc.
Contents |
edit Products
- Powershot is the original toxic soft drink produced by Shark Bite on November 1st, 2006. For over 6 years, Powershot has been torturing helpless humans while Shark Bite continues to try and perfect the product. Today, the current chemical breakdown of the substance is 10ml arsenic, 10ml contents, 5ml of Chuck Norris's piss, and 5 ml of mercury. Anyone who dares to even inhale the toxic energy drink will spontaneously ASPLODE. Should they survive, mental imbalancing and an eternal worship of Powershot and the Shark Bite Corporation are expected.
A survivor of Powershot.
- Bensonite is the second primary product of the Shark Bite Corporation, originally made November 17, 2006. An executive, after being verbally raped over the internet, wanted to create some product capable of exterminating Benson and his followers, the "group of retards [making] up 100% of the useless pieces of shit on planet Earth." Test marketing has shown that the drink doesn't seem to do what it needs to, and as such, it has been relegated to sale in third-world countries.
- Capitalista is the third flavor in Shark Bite's catalog of beverages. Infused with 50% crude oil, gold shavings, and
raw sugarcaffeine, and held within a can of unobtanium-platinum alloy, this drink was made specifically for the rich capitalist movement. 6-packs of this drink are sold at $500 apiece, which means that a scrawny bitch like you living off of welfare checks, with a goddamn Obamaphone and all that shit will never get an opportunity to try such a tasty beverage.
edit Production Facility and Regulations
The Shark Bite plant is located in Hell the Middle East, and has never been seen by human eyes, aside from the biochemists and lesser workers that work there. Workers live on site for their entire lives starting from infants to their senior years. Immediately after birth, infant workers are injected with a small amount of Powershot. This lethal injection causes the child to rapidly age into programmable, muscular workers. The laboratory itself is surrounded by concrete walls, electric fences, minefields, and other booby traps. No worker has ever seen the outdoors, and desire to leave the plant is grounds for execution. Currently no worker safety laws are made at the plant, so workers are forced to work what they believe are 72 hour days with one minute of sleep. All ingredients used are purchased secretly by Al-Qaeda operatives and silently shipped to the compound via modified cruise liners.
edit Allegiance Requirements
All persons wishing to swear allegiance to Powershot and the Shark Bite Corporation must do the following.
- Swear an oath of eternal hatred of Benson, Benson's followers, and all things Benson.
- Inject a small amount of Powershot into your arm to become one with Powershot.
- Worship, obey, and support Powershot, the Shark Bite Corporation and all Powershot dudes.
NOW PURCHASE MORE OF OUR DRINKS, DRONE!
edit See Also
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