User:Medvedev/David DeAngelo's newsletter
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Terms of service
By entering this page, you agreed to receive a free weekly newsletter from David DeAngelo. You may not remove yourself from the mailing list, nor may you request your removal from it at a later date.
By reading the above paragraph, you agreed that you will not report David DeAngelo to any authority, be it virtual or judicial. Specifically, you may not complain to spamcop.net or any other similar policing entity, report or complain to our isp or hosting company, or any other company that we are affiliated, partnered, or do business with.
By not leaving this page, you agreed to pay a sum of 1000.00$ in the event of failure to comply with any of the above.
Have a nice day.
“I am really ATTRACTED to David DeAngelo, but not because of the way he looks. He is very COCKY and FUNNY, and not at all a WUSS like all the other men I have ever DATED.”
Oh, stop it Michelle, you know it's over between us. Hello readers! I'm David DeAngelo, and I'll be TAKING you on an amazing journey to
getting laid being successful with women! Oh, look: a letter! Let's READ.
Hello David. I'm a 23 year old body builder, but I just can't seem to get a date. Every time I manage to follow a girl to her house, she just screams "don't hurt me!" and runs away. I tried to "get physical", but all it got me was pepper spray in the eyes and a restraining order. How do I approach a woman without freaking her out?
With Strengh and Honor,
Well, you obviously don't understand how ATTRACTION works.
In order to spark ATTRACTION, it's not enough to just "follow a girl to her house". You need to make fun of her.
I know what you're THINKING: "Hey David, how will making fun of a complete stranger I just cornered to a wall help me get on her good side?" Well, how many dates has THAT attitude gotten you, mister?
Instead of just standing there looking like a maniac, engage her in a GAME. Ask her if the beautiful nails she spent five hours at a salon polishing are real. Yes, it works. Have you TRIED it?
Now, it's not enough to just SPARK the ATTRACTION. You need to AMPLIFY it. How to do that? Well, I once asked myself the same question. Then I decided to just run a big scam, get rich and date supermodels. You can help me, Arnie: if you order my ebook now, then get three of your friends to do the same, women will absolutely LOVE you. Is that LOGICAL? Of course not! But that's how women WORK. Especially hot women!
**** ***, David DeAngelo. I bought your book off eBay and boy, was I surprised. Your ****** technique produced *** ***** ******** ** the results you promised. I have*** been able to get a single phone number. Your book is * ***** ** valuable **** and *****, *** ** good ****. I'll ***** read your newsletter again.
D.P. Edmond, Oklahoma.
Whoa, easy there, tiger! I know the change in how women react to you can be a bit overwhelming, but trust me - you'll get used to it. I know I have!
Now, this is not to say you shouldn't get my new device. It took me literally YEARS to perfect, but with Double Your Dating success with women is easier than ever before! Read on.
Oh yeah, and if any of you guys out there want what D.P. has - you can download my ebook and get dating RIGHT NOW!
Ever since I tatooed parts of your book on my forearms I've become an unstoppable dating machine! This stuff is great, guys! This one girl I picked up couldn't get enough of me: she literally jumped on the hood of my car when I was stare-driving away! When we got to my house, I told her to do a little dance if she wanted sex - and she did! So basically, it was a happy night for all (especially the big guy who was following her around - he got an extra tip for overtime). I do have a question, though: Is there any way to get a discount (wink, wink) in Vegas?
Your loyal worshipper,
P.M.P. , Chicago.
Somebody's reading it right! Thanks for telling everybody to download my ebook, I really don't say this enough myself - I know I'm supposed to be a businessman, but it's so hard to ask people to BUY something from you, even it it is for THEIR OWN GOOD. I feel almost like a salesman!
What really pleased me was the part where you degraded and humiliated her in front of a coworker!
To your question: no, it is not possible to get a discount in Vegas. I know because I asked.
Hello, mr DeAngelo.
I'm a college student from Britain. There's this girl i really like, but we're just friends. I don't know if she would ever want to be my... i don't know, girlfriend, i guess, and i'm too shy to ask. It's like there's a switch inside me that turns off the thoughts in my head whenever i need them most. Is there any advice You can give me? I heard Your methods are really good and i really hope You can help me.
Well, JACOB, what you have to understand first and foremost, is that nobody cares. Nobody cares that you're SHY. Nobody cares that you're a WUSSY, which you obviously are. Nobody cares if the little lightbulb in your head "goes off".
Are you with me here, JACOB?
And you know who cares least of all? That's right, SHE does.
She KNOWS what you're thinking. And she won't help you, JACOB. Nobody will help you. Not your mom, not any of your imaginary friends, not anybody.
Only I can help you. But you have to trust me. Can you do that? Can you trust me, Jacob? I know you can. Download my ebook and I'll turn those thoughts of yours right back ON.
edit Last chance to ORDER NOW
“"Double Your Dating" is purely figurative speech. On one hand, a person who did not date before may begin dating, but that would hardly qualify as "doubling" - as it is not possible to divide by zero. On the other hand, there are no guarantees the increase in the number of dates will be limited to one hundred percent. Then again, it is entirely possible that there will be no increase in the amount of dates at all.”
Yeah, right! With my material, even a four foot guy with one eye can sweep Jennifer Lopez right off her feet! Figuratively speaking.
Hell, even if you DON'T care how a woman looks (coughgay, cough), don't you want to be able to drive ANY independent, intelligent woman into a mindless sex-craze?
By following my arbitrarily composed program - you CAN! Sounds almost TOO good to be true, doesn't it?
Alright. First there's the book. With it, you will turn from an average, lonely, desperate, hopeless guy into an almost David DeAngelo-like entity! But we've been over that a couple of times. You can do it here if you like.
Let's get to the fun stuff: Double Your Dating. With this baby, nothing, I mean NOTHING is impossible! And it's EASY!
Forget the book and endless training, now you can just point the thing at a girl you like and BOOM - she's yours! It's THAT easy!