User:Mealstrom

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Mealstrom C. Deucebag(1619 - 1916) was an American writer and convicted child molester.


edit Biography

Born the son of a Polish prostitute and a Brazilian vaudeville star, Mealstrom began his life in the sleepy town of Tough Shit, Arkansas. Reportedly, his mother went into labor while performing fellatio on legendary character actor Celine Dion.

As a child, he was inquisitive. According to his mother, he would often attempt fornication with local wildlife, including pine cones. He allegedly gave a rim job to Dick Cheney, and by the age of twelve was the star in his sunday school production of The Emperor's New Vagina, which claimed the lives of more than 30 of his fellow students.

His big break came when he was 16, and was invited to service Darth Vader under the table at a congressional dinner. Vader was quoted as saying "I'd hit it." following his star-studded performance of "The Vagina Monologues," he was proppeled to the top of the Forbes "Wealthiest Assholes in the Whole Fucking World" list.


edit Downfall

Tragically, at the age of 36, Mealstrom was wrongfully convicted of child molestation for sodomisng a new-born kitten. Having lost his fame and fortune, he died after being fatally wounded by Ann Coulter in retaliation for his botched operation to remove her penis.

Following his death, a memorial was erected in front of the whorehouse where he spent his formitive years, with a plaque bearing his famous quotation: Goddamnit Alice! Get out of the mutherfucking bathroom, I'm packing a shit the size of Rhode Island!

edit My Comments

How did they find out all this about me! This stuff was supposed to be private! I haven't turned 36 yet, but it gives me an idea of what to do for my birthday. Paradox?


Sex This user is against sexuality. Probably because they're not a pervert like you.

Hands on bars Through no fault of my own,
I got Screwed by the System.

I feel like such a dirty bitch now.
Nuvola apps important This user hates you and everyone you care about.
Fortune cookie 20040628 223108 1 This user is being held hostage in a Chinese fortune cookie factory! Some girls scream at a mouse, but get in a car with a wolf. Help!
ego This user is a deluded egomaniac.
whore This user is a whore for Wikipedia.
242 Day This user has returned from Hell and is now here to eat your brains.
BS This userpage is bullshit.
usb This user likes to use userboxes.

British Royal Family This user is a monarch, or a megalomaniac.

This user is unsure of his or her gender and doesn't want to know.


AA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAA!!!
UBX This user opposes other users screwing with his/her userboxes.
Nuvola apps important orange This user should not be trusted.
Shuriken This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.
Earth Western Hemisphere This person helps reduce overpopulation by killing people, helping the environment.
Gefahrensymbol F This user enjoys indiscriminate pillaging.
DenmarkViking This user is a Viking and enjoys killing, looting and pillaging.
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