From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“One of the reasons I created Greece is the Börek. (This is also why I was born in Turkey.)”
Börek is a
Greek Turkish Bulgarian global food, filled with cheese, meat, and other stuff. The börek brought both war and peace to the Middle East, and was the basis of many dinner dishes with which to celebrate both.
edit In the Greek empire
History tells us that the first Börek was made rather by accident. In the bakery of Alexander The Great, one of the chefs set out to make Gyrus, but the phone rang. The phone was on the opposite wall and when he reached over, the dough of the Gyrus turned into a triangle, the cheese spilled into the dough, and the whole mess fatefully slid into the oven.
After the accident, Alexander the Great wanted to understand what the heck he just put into his mouth. Perhaps after a brief heart attack brought on by the recent mass of fat and cheese. Alexander asked his chef to make more of those delicious treats and everything just went fine, until... the spinach börek came and started to attack the Greek empire. Alexander and his army fought back, but were hopelessly mired in cheese. Vegetarian Böreks invaded and conquered all of Greece (except several of the large banks), until the Russians equalized at the 47-minute mark.
edit In the Roman empire
With the collapse of the Greek empire and the ascendancy of the Roman empire, not just comely Greek slave girls but cookbooks flowed to Rome, though something was lost in translation. There the first foreign börek was created — the pizza Börek.
The pizza Börek figures prominently in Roman history. It was thrown at the lion in the arena as an aperitif for the gladiator as main-course, and it competed with bribery as the basis of the Roman economy as well.
In the later stages of the Roman empire, the Börek was deliberately reduced in size. Material was shaved off the crust, and a new Börek was rolled out. This "thin pan Börek" was portrayed as trendy, but hungry Romans knew they were simply being shortchanged. Not even home delivery and web-based ordering could stave off the Barbarians now.
edit In the Nazi empire
The collapse of the Roman empire sent 10 kilograms of pizza dough to the beaches of Germany and, after 500 years, the smell was not pleasant. Shrewd leader Adolf Hitler saw immediate uses for it. He gave it to his beloved Jews, who adopted it into their culture under a variety of unpronouncible names. Later, the Germans united their two loves, hot dogs and the Börek, calling the result the "pig-in-a-blanket" (Schweinhundt).
edit Claims to have invented the modern Börek
edit By Greece
edit By Turkey
edit By Cyprus
There is a town called Börek on the island of Cyprus. It is located between the Greek and Turkish administrative zones and has never been effectively administered by either country. Residents claim they baked the first Börek in modern times, and moreover that they named their town after it and not after fictional Kazakh cult hero Borat. Actor Sasha Baron Cohen, who played Borat, conducted a press appearance in Börek, Cyprus, where he was served a specially-made Börek with ham, and was made a Baron of Börek.
edit Other Böreks
The pioneers who tamed the American Wild West had no authentic Böreks. They made do with a substitute, the twenty-mule-team Borax. It did not taste good and the pioneers had greater need of cleansing powder than a fatty pastry; as with many other raw materials, they adapted, wiped out the Injuns, and the rest is advertising-slogan history.
GreekShawarma with yogurt.