User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 5

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Hi! Welcome to my talk page, I'm glad you're stopping by! Please leave a messa *gasp* OMG!!! LOOK OUT!!! THERE'S A HUGE OLIPHAUNTE BEHIND YOU!!! WE'RE SO DEAD!!! ...........

Actually, no, he's just standing there ... He doesn't look aggressive, maybe he just wants to see what you'll write? o.0

edit Thanks

Thanks for giving me feedback on my UnNews articles. I really appreciate your help.


edit Thanks a lot

Repeated reversal of my modifications in the Costa Cruise article are to be thanked profusely. I was planning on contributing to this site, smiling alone while clipping my toenails and spending one hour in redaction of the *beep*ing thing, but you quickly erased all my hopes. I'm working hard to glue the clippings back to my nails and running away in deep shame. It's hard to fathom the amount of useless time that I would have spent in this site if it weren't for your efforts! Keep the good work, I won't even interfere with the repetitions of the word "Nikau" that, to be sincere, cracks me in hysterical laugh every time I read them in the main page, making me crouch in awe and despair in a corner of the basement where I live, contemplating your mastery of the English language. As Julius Caesar said: "Britons talk as the dogs bark". May Latinos bark some day in the same tone, as noobiness is despicable and a sure fire way to make people think about their ranking in this wide world. Nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau, nikau. Hahahahahahahaha. -- 16:56, January 21, 2012 (UTC)

edit Adopt a Noob

Can you please adopt me as a noob? My previous mentor, Woodyburninator, is no longer active and I need a new mentor. -Sarbriel

edit Adobt a boob

Would you be interested in adopting my left boob? --ShabiDOO 05:09, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Only if it's big and proportinate with your right boob! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:23, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
I dont have a right boob :( --ShabiDOO 05:50, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
Then you don't qualify! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:13, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
Then maybe Ill just go somewhere ... where my missing boob is appreciated --ShabiDOO 07:16, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

edit Help

Thanks. Can you look at this article I made? Cesare Borgia The preceding unsigned comment was added by Sarbriel (talk • contribs)

edit Je m'appelle J.D.

You removed Final Fantasy VIII's entry in VFH? We need to work on it more, don't we? Gothic Candle small J.D. Soufi Gothic Candle small 10:48, January 3, 2012 (UTC)

edit What's up?

Heeey! How was your holiday? blah blah blah Did you had a good time blah blah blah Can you do me a second review of Neptune here? Thanks :P --Mimo&Maxus (Talk) 11:29, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

That was cool blahblahblah, I'd rather help you writing it than reviewing it blahblahblah, I'll do it soon blah blah blah.... Snowflake mini Mattsnow 11:44, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
You're just too lazy to do a review blahblahblah okay help me writing it then blahblahblah. --Mimo&Maxus (Talk) 11:54, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

edit A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator

Time bomb

Greetings, Mattsnow. You voted for me on POTM for November, and also for Mexico lol.jpg on VFP, and for me on UOTM for December, and holey freaking cow, you also nominated UnNews:Son_of_Gaddafi_caught_attempting_to_enter_Canada on VFH. Now, obviously it's been a while since this happened. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.

(Also, it's quite clear you're fond of me. But I have to say...we should probably let our romance cool off for a while. People are starting to talk.)

Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Jan 4 '12 11:38 (UTC)

It was about fucking time!!!!!!!!! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 11:44, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
Lollz.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Jan 4 '12 11:52 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012

edit Thanks

Thank you for nominating Uncle J for the Foolitzer. I was unaware of how prolific he is (79 good UnNews pages), and when you made me aware it's like WTF? he hasn't won this yet? So thanks, you are a good Mattsnow. Aleister 1:31 6-1-'12

p.s. I just nommed him for writer of the month too. Next month for sure! We all should burp a collective sigh that we've, as a nation, have not given him these awards sooner. Yay J! (me, 3:19)

edit EGAD

THE HORRRRRORR!!!! HAY HAY HAY !!! QUE DOLOR !!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 03:29, January 6, 2012 (UTC)

edit Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:57, 6 January 2012

edit About George Carlin...... (again)

Okay, so I've had my fun. Now you said something about how you'd like me to change the title of my article on George Carlin, right? Well, I think I'm going to do it. I'm just goinh to ask what you would think of my title: User:Matthlock/George Carlin: AN EDITORIAL. Not bad, huh? I'd just like to see if it's okay with you before I go through with this. -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 00:08, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

edit Re: George Carlin: AN EDITORIAL

Got your message. Now should I maybe contant Sannse to change the name of my article? -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 00:50, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

edit Hey, Matt

Lookin' for something like this?

Also, I'm done with that news article. Dunno how good it is.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSat, Jan 7 '12 13:23 (UTC)

LOL' that's perfect!!!! Import it man! Just import it with the same name as the other file! Also, Which UnNews are you babbling about?? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:36, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
The Russian spacecraft article that I crapped out earlier. Also, I noticed you added the "dead" stipulation to the image request, so I went and made another version. Take your pick, and I'll upload the one you want.
Give me the link to the UnNews! I'll check it later. I have to go. The image is great, but it's hard to distinguish it's a beever... If I could coerce you into retouching it so it looks like one.... Snowflake mini Mattsnow 14:16, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
Well, I've got to split, too. I don't feel too great about the article, so that's why I asked here before sticking it on the template. On the beaver shot: I'll try and see if I can find that dead beaver in a better resolution, but Google only showed me that one. If I can find one, I'll have it for ya later today. Time for sleep.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSat, Jan 7 '12 14:28 (UTC)
Yeah, who am I kidding. No rest for the wicked.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSat, Jan 7 '12 15:13 (UTC)
LOL, that's great man! I'll upload it! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:49, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

edit Greece Obama Article

Thanks for the note Matt. I'm cool with whatever you decide on that article. If you had unlimited time and unlimited space on the front page, then I would have had to have been be like Marvin the Martian and eliminate you with my Eludium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator, but seeing as how I'm a realist, and I understand your restrictions, I'll leave my weapon in my ultra right wing, tea party-approved arsenal.

Seriously, I just wrote the article because with all the bashing of the republican candidates, I figured we ought to bash both sides equally. After all, this site is about equal-opportunity ridicule.


Jonny appleseed 17:17, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

edit Bibowler Girl

Hi. Haven't "seen" you around today. I wrote up a toss-away page this morning in order to provide a link on See also of Bipolar Girl. After working like a rabid dog on it, and Lythria tatochopped a new pic for the page, it seems to be main page worthy, so I'll plop it up there. If you disagree, take it off and rub it into the mud or snow with your heel. Thanks, and get well soon. Aleister 00:35 10-1-'12

edit Whisperer

I don't think anyone has bothered to inform us judges, but apparently the competition is open for another 3 hours according to my site bar. Pup 09:09 10 Jan '12

That is partly my fault. I had to request an extra 12 hours to ensure my article was at its peak of terribleness. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 09:50, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
You have two hours left - MAKE THEM COUNT. And then we can dash your hopes. Pup 09:53 10 Jan '12
Come on Oliphaunte!!! Row, row!!! Faster faster! Funnier funnier!!! lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 09:58, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
I actually finished about 4 hours before deadline. Thanks for the motivation though. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 19:03, January 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks from TAW 2011

ArticleWhisperAwardBronze Article Whisperer Judge
This person was a judge for the 2nd The Article Whisperer Competition (2011). The community would like to thank them for their contribution.
(See you at next week's meeting guys!)

edit Did you know...

that Bohemian rhapsody doesn't have an article? Pup 06:24 11 Jan '12

I don't even know what that means :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Oh I see, well Queens isn't my cup of tea, I have a ton of half-finished articles. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:40, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Given you referred to them as Queens, I can see that. Pup 07:35 11 Jan '12
Don't be mean to Matt, he's just a poor boy from a poor family. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 07:36, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
We didn't have enough money to buy records :( Snowflake mini Mattsnow 10:52, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Matt, you need no sympathy from us, you are too easy come, easy go. Myself, I just carry on as if nothing matters. Aleister 11:35 11-1-'12
It's okay...I'll finish it off, this is a kind of article waiting for me, for meeeeeeee, FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! --ShabiDOO 12:08, January 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit My dearest Matty

IF you have a chance...could you go over Inter-Lights_Inc? I need a little polishing and spelling checks. It would be very appreciated if you could! --ShabiDOO 15:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)

Hey it's pretty good, I like it a lot! I didn't noticed typos. There's a lot of great jokes! Maybe it would need some polishing on grammar. The disclaimer is great too, at first I was trying to read it lol. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:59, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Okay Im glad you liked it. Feel free to nominate it if you think its ready :) --ShabiDOO 16:01, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Maybe as I said, the prose is sketchy... To me, anyway. But I'm an imbecil.... Snowflake mini Mattsnow 16:03, January 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

For putting the coma man article on the main page, and for the 900 pic placement! It's fun to write unnews, they seem to emerge quickly and then with some polish turn into something interesting. Do you hear someone at the door? Oh, shit, let's get these lights turned out, shall we. Never know when "they" are going to break in and scamper around. Aleister 17:01 11-1-'12

No prob Al! Those aliens are pesky. And yeah, there are so much UnNews lately that they are rolling a lot! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 17:15, January 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost - 12 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:02, 12 January 2012

edit Hersey kisses give you aids

Hi Matt. Since you weren't around during the NFL game last night I put up the Tebow UnNews on the main page. I've done that a few times lately, so let me know if it or any of the others are "meh" and need to be ripped down like Rolling Stones posters from a teenager's wall. Creep up the good work. Aleister 11:46 15-1-'12

p.s. If you'd like it'd be fun to do a two-or-three person collab with you sometime. I've got that "Walk into a bar" collab for anyone to join, if you can think of a great one. I was hoping for all great ones, but they are, as someone said, "harder than you think" (said the 95-year-old man to a drunk and coked-out Lindsey Lohan).
I guess. It's all fine with me when you add new stuff to the template, but only cuz it's YOU! :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:13, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
You flatter me into false modesty. Nah, that Tebow thing can be taken several ways, it was a spur of the moment thing, although I just thought of a new category which would be tailor-made (literally, I am a tailor by profession, as was my dad, and his dad before him, as well as my mother, and her mother before her) for the page. Gotta go. Aleister 12:33 15-1-'12
Have a great piss!! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:37, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
Ah, finally got done pissing. Since you're around, if you have forty minutes, please have a look at my newest UnNews on Gingrich and Romney, which I'll post tonight after more polishing and linking. Is it OK enough (certainly long enough) to pop onto the main page if you're not around? Thanks. There's another GOP debate tonight as well, the fun never stops. Aleister 13:42 16-1-'12
Oh yes of course, I'll read it when you're through, say tomorrow. And yeah, unless you just drank 24 beers or smoked meth, please feel free to put your own UnNewses on the front page man! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:47, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks, a sincere thanks. Although I have just dranken 24 beers and smoked meth. You must be like one of those TV psychics, and if you are, please tell me which of my dead relatives is standing behind me and is always with me. Aleister 13:54 16-1-'12

edit UnNews

The Tebow is short but topical, and it probably did its job of being funny for a couple of days. I've worked on my political unnews for quite awhile, and I feel good about it. Tried to cram lots of satire and truth into a longish but fairly highly detailed commentary of the present state of the GOP race and America as it experiences it. I'll let it simmer a bit more, check to see if it has risen properly, and post it in a few hours. After this one I'll probably keep away from politics for awhile, unless Ron Paul pulls out an upset in South Carolina this weekend (which is actually possible). Another GOP debate tonight too, on Fox, so I worked that into the page. I sense raccoons prowling for food, and must go feed them or else they start to revolt and I fear for my neck. Aleister 21:19 16-1-'12

Sorry for the misundertanding, it was my fault. I am biased against short articles! :) Go ahead and put your UnNews on the main page, my friend. (the one about the GOP) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:24, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
Gingrich wept. Aleister 21:31 16-1-'12
Matt, did you read my Gingrich page? I'd like your opinion of it, although I have heard the recent rumours of your illiteracy and, if true, never mind this post. Aleister 2:14 18-1-'12
LOL, that's a great one, not for pure lulziness but for all the imagination involved and the great prose! Do you want me to try its luck on VFH, before they pull the plug? Fast, for the Darkness is approaching!
Ah, sure, and that's very unexpected. I just wanted an opinion, and I thank you for such a very nice opinion. You may not be illiterate after all, contrary to the rumors. Seriously, this is a page I'm pretty proud of, and made sure to polish every sentence and link, except for all the spelling mistakes which Socky and you found. Thanks. But yes, the darkness cometh, and I greatly fear for all of us. Aleister 2:32 18-1-'12
The only way to escape the Darkness is to board the next comet, child. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:33, January 18, 2012 (UTC)
Oh no, remember, I met four or five of that bunch. And it wasn't the comet, they said that a ship would come to pick us up at a preset location, and then the holograph would be turned off. I should have killed them right then, put them out of their misery. But they were all so good looking and intelligent (true). Well, ok, sure. I'll get my gym shoes and sweatsuit on. Aleister 2:38 18-1-'12
It only works with Nike Windrunners. Damn I'm a lazy writer this month, after a glorious month of December, I just can't let the funny come out. Just reading and managing the UnNews (there's like 2 or 3 a day o_0) takes me like 20 minutes a day, but it's a fun little job. Pays well too, if you count laughs as pay. lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:44, January 18, 2012 (UTC)
Wow, thanks for the nom. That's so nice of you. Like bread cooked by ma, or moonshine served warm by pa. Appreciated. I'll sign off now, and hope that the site is here when I get back, but it probably won't be. You are doing a good job with the news, but hopefully it won't hurt your output much longer. See you on the light side of the darkout. Aleister 2:49 18-1-'12

edit  :D

Thanks for the nice userpage comments, Matt. I shall butcher one thousand calves in your honor. *gets back to work* --none 05:35, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

edit Umm...

Should we maybe just throw in a towel and start a colab on a new subject?

HAPPY 2012 :) ShabiDOO05:33, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

No, I think we should make that collab come to fruition. We can do it! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:40, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
okay!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 06:14, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

edit Elephantiasis of the left foot

Hi. Pup 06:28 19 Jan '12

lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 17:22, January 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost - 19 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:07, 19 January 2012

edit Time off

Business, pleasure, or necessity? Hope you're not gone too long, and the mood to write comes up at the oddes moments. Enjoy. Al 18:36 21-1-'12

More like loss of interest. I hope the interest comes back though, people are nice here, it's just it almost feels like work to check the UnNewses daily. Plus I get pissed more often than I laugh so I need to get a break, much like a detox I guess. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:42, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
Ah, no wonder. Taking on that UnNews spot is like the kiss of death, and you either quit or the things happen to you. In my time here, Zim went over the side--like Kurtz's photographer in Apoculypse Now--and has boiled in his energy over at Illogicopedia ever since. SPIKE is now back a little bit, but is mute and shell-shocked. That Humdinger guy was like a noob, and too much came his way to handle and he just left. You've done great, but now maybe give up the editor's office (we can board it up!) before the curse gets you too. Enjoy your time off! Only advice I have is to see "Hugo" in 3-D if you haven't already. Al, or something 18:47 21-1-'12
I blame UN:IC for both myself and Why? leaving. Pup 12:27 22 Jan '12

edit HMC 2012

Be the first to sign-up. If you are the first five people to sign up...I will add .5 to your score :) here. Happy Monkeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !! --ShabiDOO 16:26, January 22, 2012 (UTC)


If you go away again, I shall vandalize all your featured articles. And then send you a box of poop. Whose poop? I'm not saying. But it shall be full to the brim. Chew on THAT, Mister!  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usMon, Jan 23 '12 9:05 (UTC)

The sinking feeling lasted less than 48 hours lol. Thank you all for the flowers and best wishes cards Snowflake mini Mattsnow 16:06, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

edit Lol

Your sting ray page is at the bottom of the list, and has been on VFH for close to 800 days. I likey. Aleister hee hee heehahahahaha ==Yes, I fucked up! What do??? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:16, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Don't ask me. Like I said, I likey. 'Al hahahahahheeheeheehahah haahahaha
p.s. It's at 0%. Biggest laugh of the month, I'm lol so much I can hardly type.
I created another one, now I dunno what to do with the old one. lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:22, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

edit "This Might Be Giant"

Thanks for the courteous postscript to your redirect of my news. Short answer: It's a reference to the band They Might Be Giants. All of it. The two guys listed at the beginning are the founding members, Lincoln is their home town (and the name of one of their albums) and all the events listed relate, often in the form of quotes, to their albums and songs. I worked really hard on it, but that doesn't automatically make it funny. TMBG have a page here, which I'll use to bolster my argument that people here will get the jokes, but if I haven't convinced you then I won't berate the point. -Tritefantastic 03:07, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for reinstating it. I think it'd be cool if you put it on the front page, but honestly don't feel pressured. I have plans for more news; I can wait. -Tritefantastic 03:49, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

I'd be honored if you took UnNews:Tupperware_Rave_Is_Huge_Success to VFH. "This Might Be Giant" is currently up for deletion because of incomprehensibility issues, so I feel like maybe I can break even. Because that's what writing's all about. -Tritefantastic 05:40, January 26, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost - 26 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:27, 26 January 2012

edit Thanks for the vote (of no confidence)

Hi, and thanks. Have you come up with the perfect walk into a bar joke yet? And you might appreciate this, check out my last edit on HowTo:Commit the perfect murder. Let it snow let it snow let it snow. Aleister 21:55 26-1-'12

edit Boko haram

Boko Haram: I am an IT dunce and have no idea how to answer you. In case you see this, thanks for the tip. I've expanded the article and have probably now satirised that lunatic organisation as much as I can without ranting.. but suggestions are welcome.

edit Hey!

Wanna get on IRC? --Tophat headless 03:14, January 27, 2012 (UTC)

Yup, going. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:34, January 27, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

For the unnews bump on main page. I switched the Romney link to Colbert, because the Romney page should be VFD material. I won't fix it though, see my note on its talk page (it fascinates me what has not happened to the page). Did you check out my note above, at what I found earlier that was lingering on a page for at least half a year (can't remember the date). Well, thanks again, and I'll edit some more. Aleister 3:51 27-1-'12

My only deception was that you didn't talk about Ron Paul in a lulzy but POSITIVE light. May be VFH material, but now I won't nom the established users on VFH, since they know you can nom yourself. The tupperware one is great eh? Hope the guy sticks around. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:04, January 27, 2012 (UTC)
I'll try to work Paul into it, but a nom would end up like the other political one, timeliness issues would defeat it. The Florida primary is Tuesday, and it looks like Romney actually won tonight's debate and Gingrich hurt himself, which is too bad. Yes, the Tupperware one was a great idea. I used to live in a house where we had numerous raves, and they were really fun. Lots of dancing. The twist he came up with was maybe unique, and when you get a twisty idea like that the page almost writes itself. Wait, I just remembered, what did I say earlier? Aleister too tired, almost signed my real name, I've seen that done twice here.
p.s. There, a Ron Paul paragraph has emerged from your request. In the debate he challenged the other candidates to beat him in a 25-mile bike ride.
Great! You're a big boy enough to judge if it should go on VFH Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:15, January 27, 2012 (UTC)

edit Standing Outside a Broken Telephone Booth with Money in My Hand

I saw the question you asked Lyrithya about {{Lead articles}}. I was going to call you and let you know that if you want to add 2 more articles to that template, you've also got to fix the {{Lead Articles}} template to accept them. (Yep, there're two different templates.) But...I guess I can't tell you that, as the phone booth is broken.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Jan 29 '12 2:44 (UTC)

Could you also go and see the last question I asked LYrithya? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:51, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
Um...I can't tell what happened. Were you asking her why your article didn't show up in the "latest news" stream properly?  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Jan 29 '12 3:15 (UTC)
Yes, I think she knows why, but I recreated it, changing some minor things in the title. Also, the search box throws me off the site everytime I use it... Shit's getting weird! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:19, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
Did you write the article a couple of days ago? If so, that's why it would show up further down in the "latest news" listings than you expected. The "latest news" template uses a parser function which relies on "date of creation", not "date it was moved into the UnNews namespace". Also, yeah, the search box is shit. It's Wikia's fault. Everything's Wikia's fault. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Jan 29 '12 3:50 (UTC)
Try typing "HoS" in the search box. Should take ya right to the Hall o' Shame.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Jan 29 '12 3:52 (UTC)
doesn't work, guess I'll call my service provider AAARRGHH! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:13, January 29, 2012 (UTC)

edit Are you sriusly srious or just half srious surrey-ish?

You put the sea river monster story on the main que, lol, I thought you'd see it and throw it back on my userspace. Your De la Hoya story is much better, and Funnybony's masterpiece is too masterpiecery for uncyclopedia--what's he trying to do, man, bum us out about a country's propensity to go to war for economic and israeli reasons? So thanks, and I hope wikia doesn't mess up the search boxes with all you guys complaining about them. I use the old skin where the box is on the left and this works just fine. Spoilsports. Al 11:40 29-1-'12

Hey great, you know you always write good ones! I laughed the other day when you put blanked the page in the summary, you'll make Lyrithya go berserk! I had the sheer gal to put the de la hoya story on VFH. What an embarassment that is! I follow boxing a lot and didn't even knew about those crossdressing pics. It seems they surfaced in 2008 and he finally admitted in 2011 that they were real. There's more on google image if that interests you. They made me laugh for at least half-an-hour, me and my buddies used to like him a lot. Talk about going from hero to zero lol. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 11:58, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
VFH is a good place for a rant, and I didn't know about the pictures either. Interesting, and he would have pulled it off if it wasn't for the high heels. You should think about talking to Funnybony about boxing if you haven't, he's got some great memories and experiences with the mayhem, ah, sport, and you guy could share quite a bit. I teamed up with him on our features on Dempsey and Mike Tyson, but he started both of them. My favorite is Muhammed Ali, because I could actually take him in 10 rounds now. In my own life my personal favorite--brag brag--fight line was one I've immemorialized at the bottom of the Mohandas Gandhi page, something I actually said when I first walked up and met his grandson (how many times do you get a chance to say it in context, that's what I thought). Alei'r 12:10 29-1-'12


Spam666 For you. I'm spamming you! But...on less than five pages. So it's okay...right???

Anyways...I have been really really wanted to have a colab of the four of us: You, Aleister, Magic man and I. And I thought a great topic would be spam. An article either on the actual tin canned meat (which ive never seen but Ive heard is awful) or about computer spam, in any form (HowTo: Spam your way to success), (HowTo: Cook with spam without getting cancer) or something. Anyhoo...I dont think its a question for any of us IF we are going to do this, but when! WHEN!?!??!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and here is a small version of the spam image...just for you (and two other people): Spam666

--ShabiDOO 14:07, January 29, 2012 (UTC)

Alright, I'm in. Tell me when you start it, I personnally think PC SPAM would be better than that canned shit, which I never tasted, but just seeing the can doesn't encourage me to eat that crap! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 14:11, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
You shut up, Mattnow. Spam is like salted heaven. --Tophat headless 14:35, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
I try to imagine what a rubbery chunk of processed ham in a tin would taste like. My imagination goes wild! --ShabiDOO 14:44, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
A salted heaven that makes you grow a 3rd arm :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:03, January 29, 2012 (UTC)

edit More junk mail

Spam999 I shoved this into your slot!

Anyways, Ali said he doesn't like the topic because he is slowly growing breasts with his growing vegan tendencies, which happens on a diet of lentils, sesame seed paste and wild rice. So, would you guys mind waiting a day or two until Ali suggests an alternative topic? If he doesn't or has some other excuses not to colab, then doing a colab, the three of us, on a computer spam related topic will be cool! Or we can simultaneously do two at the same time. Thoughts?

Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999Spam999 --ShabiDOO 01:48, January 30, 2012 (UTC)

Not true, he lies he lies, although I do have the finest lentils and rice receipe known to man--it's my "signature" dish. The topic is fine, although I suggested we all work on a nontimely UnNews together, an unnews collab sounds fun and unique. Let's do it! Aleister 12:28 30-1-'12

edit And...

I haven't whored a page since 2010, or maybe that Madison Movement page, or... but I am requesting a goooood long read of my James Bevel page on VFH. This was a labour of love at first kite, his is a history which is so interesting only because it is so hidden. Here uncy can actually argue that we have the best page on the innernests on a topic (seriously}. Anyway, call me Sandwich Board Sally. Aleister 12:32 30-1-'12

I added a couple of photos to the Boko Haram page. I took the traffic cones off...was this premature? If so, go ahead & put them back!Sisyphus 22:46, January 30, 2012 (UTC)

edit Guess what?

Coldplay dedicated a song to me. You wouldn't happen to be Chris Martin, would you? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 23:15, January 30, 2012 (UTC)

Also, I think the recipe is done. I put it up for a pee review to get some more inspiration for whatever we might have missed. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 23:38, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
Hahaha! That's funny! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:36, January 31, 2012 (UTC)

edit Lead articles

Hi. Check this out: User:Bizzeebeever/Template. Let me know if that would be simpler/better; you can add as many stories as you want, you just have to keep them numbered properly (which is pretty simple; there's only one number per entry.)  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Jan 31 '12 1:32 (UTC)

Hey, that's great! So I could add as many stories as I want? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:34, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
Yeah, give it a try.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Jan 31 '12 5:53 (UTC)
Boop! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usFri, Feb 3 '12 16:38 (UTC)

edit The fenomenal four

I thought it might be better to have a little informal and stress free user page to organise stuff and the like (so that other users dont get tired of seeing our conversations about it on our talk pages, get jelouse, and then sabotage us. Its HERE --ShabiDOO 17:58, January 31, 2012 (UTC)

woo woo. Matt, I've written another news page, and wanted to ask when a good time to submit it would be. Should I hold off a day or two, as you've got lots of news flowing in, or just let 'er rip. Thanks. And I've got an exclusive on Ron Paul's recent attempt to get change for a dollar. Stay tuned. Aleister 2:07 3-2-'12
Just throw it on the pile bro, I'll read it tomorrow, but you can put it on the frontpage, no problem! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:18, February 3, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, naw, I'll keep polishing it and ride it in tomorrow. Needs links, I've neglected links in this one and I'll also let it simmer and read it anew tomorrow to see what settles in or out. I dashed off a page today called "Peacock", one of those quick ones that come sometimes. Hopefully it'll be a quick on for Happy Monkey. Are you playing Happy Monkey? Should be fun again. And please keep going with the Walk into a bar collab, with some editing in a week or so we should have some good jokes on the page. Please put on your genius hat and write up one or three or ten excellent and polished walk into a bar jokes. If a few of us really sharpen the page up it can be one of the best wiab pages on the innernest. Aleister 2:23 3-2-'12

edit UnSignpost - 3 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:09, 3 February 2012

edit Zee change has been made.

From now on, edit {{Lead articles 2}}. Remember: no newlines between the {{Lead articles 2/a}} calls (unless you comment them out). Also, remember to use "arrange = (left|right|or lead)" for each article. Enjoy! If you have any other questions, feel free to shout them in my ear as I sleep.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSat, Feb 4 '12 7:23 (UTC)

edit I bring you beer and pretzels

Beer-mugPretzels...and see that the pretzels are a swarm! I love swarms. The political story is going, well or not, please check my addits and see if they flow with what you had in mind. If the words are just right the joke can define the entire GOP race within itself, you've created a riddle wrapped in an enigma walking into a bar. Aleister 18:18 18-18-'18

I hope it doesn't show I like Ron Paul a lot. I thought about Obama coming in and being unable to order a beer without a teleprompter to close it, but just can't figure a good way to put it. Oh well, we're not in a hurry Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:24, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
PS Your edits are just awesome! Nice way of not sounding homophobic, I was quite puzzled by that Santorum part, I meant "plague" would be the way thiss asshole sees it. BTW, try googling "Santorum" and read the 1st thing that pops there. You're gonna be floored! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:28, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
Oh noes, it's now the 3rd thing that comes out :S The even funnier part is that it's on Wikipedia Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:30, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
Paul, I didn't know you like Ron Paul. Please change anything I did, especially if I missed a ironic twist-joke. How about a separate joke right under the GOP joke: "Barack Obama, a closeted gay puppet of the ruling class, walks into a bar but is unable to order a drink without his telepromter. As he waits for Axelrod to set it up he flashes that winning smile, and suddenly the drinks are on the house!" The worse for me was when he had his huge teleprompter set up in a kids classroom! Aleister 18:38 4-2-'12
p.s. I knew about that Santorum definition, sorry to see it's been pushed to third. It shall rise again, and come out even clearer and fluidier!
OMG, just saw the video you're talking about on Youtube! It's not an address to the nation, goddammit! He's with small kids and probably not even on TV. Incredible. Remember when he was elected people said he is so wise and there were like 2 million people in the streets after his inauguration? Anyway, let's not get too carried away here. Huhum. For the article, did you have a timeline or something? Because I'll think about it some more and maybe add some other jokes if you're not in a hurry. *storms off to buy a teleprompter so I'll have something interesting to say at dinner* Snowflake mini Mattsnow 19:38, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
Life imitates walk into a bar jokes. No timeline, lots of time. I think it should be full of very good original jokes when it is mainspaced, and if a few people work on it with other users polishing their own jokes, we can have consensus on when it's ready. I'm typing this off a teleprompter, and it looks like it ends now. No, not yet, oh, okay, now. Aleister 20:25 4-2-'12

edit I spoke to

Lyr and Chief about something UnNews related. To lazy to re-say it, but you might want to read it. Pup 05:27 05 Feb '12

edit 20

Twenty features, congrats. That's a fine level of features, not many people have gotten there, and Steve Irwin would have been proud to have helped you earn it, if he wasn't so suicidal. I wish I had another feature, and my James Bevel page is just sitting there waiting for your comments (needs something else, something taken away, something on something sex, any advice welcome). I popped that Obama joke in walk into a bar, under your gop candidates, seems to work fine if not too stupid. So, 20! Yay! Alekister 17:16 6-2-'12

Thanks, the number ain't too important, but it's cool to know I made people laugh 20 times! I think we have consensus on the collab of 4 people. I'll go read your page. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 17:36, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks for your vote, made my day, or at least part of my day. Ah, a consensus, I forgot we had that thing. I'll go look at it. Twenty a nice round number. I counted to 20 once just using all my dangly things one time apiece, and keeping track of it in my head. Aleister 20:12 6-2-'12
I counted to 20 once too, but it was so much of a cognitive effort that the room started to spin and I fell unconscious at 16 :S Snowflake mini Mattsnow 22:01, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
I counted to 21 once. But then the cops came and made me put my shoes and pants back on. Man, that was a bad day at work. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usMon, Feb 6 '12 22:57 (UTC)
Rock and roll MattSnow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 22:58, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
Whoaa... stop making the rest of us look bad Matthew! --Black Flamingo 23:08, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
hahaha, you didn't guess my name quite right, BF, remember we use French here! (Giving away too much info here *starts a paranoid binge*) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:10, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

edit Porkskins

Hi Matt. I had a look at that article you tagged and decided it was vanity rather than anything that could be improved by the author responsible. We'll see if there is a come back. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:56, February 6, 2012 (UTC) It was also crap

I don't doubt for a minute it was awful, I didn't read it. I was right in the middle of chatting while making coffee and playing ping-pong at the same time. Multitasking lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:59, February 6, 2012 (UTC)

edit I may retire from uncy now...

...for I have reached my peak of humour purity and can go no further. I have just added Category:Teen Angst to "The Diary of Anne Frank". Good to know you, and keep up the good work. Aleik 2:57 7-2-'12

I have rebutted you on Rom's tp. I totally don't agree with you, as you'll see. We need to have just ONE article on here, but the best one. Are you trying to coerce me into reading one of your wretched article there? If so, please include the link, since I don't want to miss it! This guy raping his 15 year old daughter is my new hero! (Great thing to say here LMFAO) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:09, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
No link to an article, just putting categories on pages I look at on Random feature. Are you on pcp right. Yes, I will rape anyone's 15 year old daughter if the price is right. Oh, you mean Bevel, good hero material for sure, and the charge (he claimed conspiracy to hide his history) he denied it in such a way that he may have done a Gandhi thing of not defending himself against a false accusation. An interesting study though, his life at different periods. Young man, save the world, old fart, save money on a date. I will look at Roma's talk page. Here I go. Aleister 3:18 7-2-'12
I like how you made fun of the accusation in the article, and by reading between the lines I am incline to say it was a hoax by I can't really say since I didn't know the lad. All great revolutionaries have had a dirty accusation come their way. JFK didn't: he had a more express way of going out: a bullet to the head... Ron Paul may fall under that category but let's not worry too much: Voting fraud is alive and well. Remember these are Jews voting Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:35, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost - 10 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012

edit Ron Paul has cooties

Thanks for the foolitzer nom, that is really nice. It curdles or heats my insides, one or the other. And thank you for liking the Gandhi statue story enough to front page it, I didn't know if it was worthy of that because it is actually true and we are the only news source to report the story (I've seen it myself, and when you tickle his feet he kind of giggles in a metalic sort of way). I like Gem the best. Aleister 16:50 10-2-'12

Because you mainpage-spaced it, I added another pic and paragraph to the Gandhi news. You have a place in hindu heaven, fer sur. Sri Vedagitakrishnananda 19:46 10-2-'12
Just doing my job lol Snowflake mini Mattsnow 22:26, February 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit This

The defense rests. And takes a nap. Aleister 11:26 11-2-'12

edit Happy Monkey

Hey's not too late to enter the competition. I'd really prefer to see you writing an article than judging? If you can't...its no big deal, I'm sure youll be a great judge. But yeah...think about it. 36 hours is an eternity for me...when I write the first draft of my articles. Yeah! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 11:39, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

The horse calling the kettle donkey. Shabidoo, I can still give you a topic too. Aleister 11:43 11-2-'12
Err, I don't really like to take part in competitions, but I'll be happy to be a judge that cannot be bought! Under 100$. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:28, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit Boko Haram

I came back to edit the Boko Haram page and found it...gone! Did I leave it too long to come back, or did someone maybe take exception to it? I have a saved version somewhwere and can reload it if appropriate...what do you think? Sisyphus 09:12, February 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Hey Mattsnow

I'm on MSN for the next half hour. --ShabiDOO 18:54, February 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Judging


Time to get judging for the Happy Monkey Competition here, you have upto a week. Please give every article that was submitted a score out of 10 for whatever reason you so choose. If you like, you can leave a sentence or two on their pee review page (or more if you would like to) for each article, but its not mandatory. If you do, as I am saying to all the judges, please please please keep it positive (though by all means critique and point out what you don't like) and be extra encouraging to the nOObs. So then...thanks a million for agreeing to judge. --ShabiDOO 01:15, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

edit Sometimes...

...I catch things like you not getting the Foolitzer, others I never catch onto. TFK met us all in a dark alley last night and beat the crap out of us for not ever giving you the Foolitzer. It hurt, and I am bruised like that time daddy slugged me for stealing a kiss and a feel of mommy's underthings. There are worse things in life than that, and this is one of them. Foolitzer! (I sold mine for lots of lentils, like a year's worth!) Aleister 20:55 15-2-'12

Cool! Congrats for the "homophone" article, you really found a great angle for it! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:58, February 15, 2012 (UTC)
The lentils were cool. Thanks, and thanks for the great score on the page. The angle was kind of obvious (a horrible topic to get, it was like "What am I going to do with this", but I guess that's what the contest is about.) I am still surprised none of us caught that you hadn't won the Foolitzer, so TFK is to be congratulated. More than you, actually. TFK did such a great job in realizing that you never won it that he actually deserves it for that alone. Yay TFK. I should nom him and change my vote, and give you a spiritual for, but I am too lazy at the moment. Aleister 21:16 15-2-'12

edit UnSignpost - 18 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:56, 18 February 2012

edit Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Siri

It was a genuine request, off the back of me advising the new user to use pee review if he wanted an article reviewed. What I added was a nudge in the right direction. Hopefully by the time we get to that point in the queue the article will have developed a fair amount more. Pup 02:20 18 Feb '12

edit Happy Monkey

My dear dear dear Mattsnow. Thank you for judging, and double thankyou for leaving a sentence or two for each user. It was all, very positive and constructive criticism (as always). RAH RAH RAH!!! --ShabiDOO 10:34, February 20, 2012 (UTC)

No problem, it was funny, I think I'll participate next time, I really didn't know the concept, it was a cool one! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:01, February 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit Monkey Happy

This monkey is happy, and wants to formally thank you for the nice score, for judging the contest and not playing (you would have run rings around me, then thrown a banana in my face and drew smiley banana faces on it), and for keeping the Happy Monkey contest alive and well. Lots of people had fun, and judging by the judging, so did the judges who liked all the pages. So, lots of thanks. Aleister 11:55 20-2-'12

No problem, it was funny, I think I'll participate next time, I really didn't know the concept, it was a cool one! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:01, February 20, 2012 (UTC) (Yes, copypasta from the above section lol, I'm lazy this morning :) Let's get coffee. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:01, February 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit Honkey Mappy

This monkey is happy, and wants to formally thank you for the nice score, for judging the contest and not playing (you would have run rings around me, then thrown a banana in my face and drew smiley banana faces on it), and for keeping the Happy Monkey contest alive and well. Lots of people had fun, and judging by the judging, so did the judges who liked all the pages. So, lots of thanks. Pup 01:07 20 Feb '12 (Two can play at that game) Pup 01:07 20 Feb '12

No problem, it was funny, I think I'll participate next time, I really didn't know the concept, it was a cool one! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:01, February 20, 2012 (UTC) (3rd copy pasta lol)

edit UnSignpost - 23 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:46, 23 February 2012

edit Had a Question

Hi Mattsnow, Just wondering,should I sign UnNews articles with my name? How else would they be identified other than looking at their history? Thanks, EpicNinjaMonkey

Ill take this one EpicNingaMonkey. First of all...your screen name is awsome! Second of all, it would be a good idea to start off by signing your posts on the talk pages. You do so by typing - twice and followed by four ~ (six characters with no space).
We dont sign articles because this is a wiki and articles dont belong to users. In theory, anyone can edit them or change them. In practice, users tend to revert the edits of users or rip other users faces of or stalk them to their homes and murder them. So thats basicallz how the authorship is identified, that being, the person who tracks down and murders anyone who tried to edit their article. Is that clear?
Dont forget to write lots of good articles and vote on stuff! (and notice how im signing this?) --ShabiDOO 23:55, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

edit Review on Proofreading

I don't agree with you, but it's based on 2 points:

  1. The article is a nightmare to review, as it is deliberately against UN:DUMB. It has almost no context, spelling, grammar and formatting are meant to be bad, there are no images, and there are no real jokes in it. The humour is all in the concept.
  2. The review was for me. Rather than dumbing down the way anything was said in there it was a fairly safe assumption that I could read between the lines and work out what was meant to be said.

Given this, and that Joe is not a regular reviewer, could I ask that you change your mind on this, and let Joe know that it was only through my intervention that it got over the line? Your call, still, but I'm actually very happy with the outcome of the review. Pup 12:23 25 Feb '12

Regarding this, it is a difficult one to call. While Joe is a newer reviewer I'm not convinced by the review in of itself as it seems to me that he wholly misses the point. However, if Puppy is pleased with the outcome then it may be just as well to give Joe the benefit of the doubt in this case. It is still up to you though Matt; you checked it in, you decide. If you're struggling give me a shout on my talk page and I'd be happy to assist. --Chiefjustice32X 12:39, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
I never thought a review of a Pee Review would have a relevance somehow, but since you like it Puppy, I guess the review reached its goal, so I changed it. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:52, February 25, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Nachlader copulates with own mom, arrested for bestiality

I removed the link to the front page from the I.P. contributor on this one. It's still up as a highlighted article. I personally don't like to see abuse/navelism on the front page about another user (or an admim come to that) but at least on VFH that is a matter for the community to vote on. What do you think? (originally posted on Matt Lobster's page as both have the same first name...!). --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:34, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

I hesitated a great deal before putting it on the front page and I went on IRC to ask for a second opinion, but there was no one. I guess I now have this second opinion! It's kind of funny if you assume Nachlader won't be angry, and I thought it was EMC who wrote it. I think you did the right thing. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 14:04, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
Yeah, that was an odd one. You came on soon after I put the two unnews items on the front page, they seem to have passed your smell test, thanks! Did you read the thread of Above Top Secret I linked to the Document Dump article - this is huge news and I haven't seen any major coverage of it yet. Thanks for allowing my page to stand the test of time. Aleister 14:43 28-2-'12
Where is that link again? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:07, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
I put in as the source of the new Five million joke dump page. The threads at Above Top Secret are much easier to read when you sign in as a member, because that kills at least some of the ads and let's you see the avatar's, which are pretty creative sometimes. I dislike the amount of ads in the place, and they seem to overbalance money making to the deteriment of their users. The doc dump is still being sifted through, and major pieces of news from it will eventually be sorted out and given their own threads (I assume). Yikers. Aleister 15:16 28-2-'12
Where's the 5M dump page, is it a forum started here? I really don't understand lol, Please give me a link even if it's full of ads and AIDS! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:35, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
I hope this still works: Above Top Secret thread. And the James Bevel page will be featured on March 1st, yay! Thanks again for your vote on that. Aleister 20:57 28-2-'12
OK, cool site! Their first story is a wikileaks story. 5 million e mails. Interesting! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:17, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
It was nice to find it awhile back. The stories are voted into popularity by giving flags to an article (members only, so sign up to get rid of the ads). They have lots of forum topics, and back stories that you can search for, and a good way to get around the ads is to use the "Recent posts" bar and just look at the stories where people are posting. As of last week there were almost no ads on the New Topics section, then they mucked that up too. But for content, it has no peers (the other best known conspiracy site is apparantly controlled by some intrel corporation). Anyway, good searching, I could spend hours on that thing just researching topics. Aleister 21:47 28-2-'12
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