User:Mattityahu/Opponents of the KKK

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While most Americans recognize the KKK as the patriotic Americans they are, there are a few groups of whinny, cranky, and inferior people who make a big fuss about the KKK's humanitarian work. These groups are as follows:

Jews


Also known as the people who secretly control the world, the Jews were upset by the KKK's attempt to take their power away from them in America. The Jewish Controlled Media (read: all mass media, newspapers, tv, radio, internet, town criers, pamphlets, bathroom scrawls, et al.) embarked upon a largely successful campaign to defame the KKK with horrible misrepresentations of their true beliefs and actions. However, since all lawyers in America are Jewish, the KKK has been unable to sue them for slander.

Gays


While all the original founding members of the KKK were in fact gay themselves, as they expanded the straight members decided that their main costume should be a white ghost (white sheet) instead of a pink crayon (pink sheet). After a brief power struggle/orgy, all the gay members were expelled. The new leadership then declared war on fashion, bright colors, and logic, in an attempt to piss off the gays even more.

Blacks


Though most black people were initially thrilled at the founding of the KKK, they were quickly disillusioned. As everyone knows, blacks need someone to keep them in line and make sure they don't get to uppity (hence Tenant 3). But the newly freed slaves in the South had already gotten it into their head that they should have some say in how to run their own lives and therefore be allowed to join the KKK. Naturally the group accepted them with open arms, until they insisted on dressing as black holes (black sheet) instead of ghosts (black people are afraid of ghosts). This was fine until they held their first night gathering in which none of the white members could see the black members. Assuming black Klansmen had stood them up, the KKK - brokenhearted - said they would never trust another black man again! "They're all the same!" They cried as they sat on the couch, eating ice cream and watching bad romantic comedies.

Latinos


Since there were no Latinos before 1923, there were none around when the KKK was founded. While many would like to join, they are refused for a number of reasons. First, the KKK is afraid they might actually be black. Second, they refuse to learn or speak American. Third, they keep claiming that they were the ones who in fact invented the piñata.

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