User:Mattityahu/Friends With Benefits
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“Do you want to try the worst idea imaginable?”
“All sex, no emotions. I'm in!”
“Can we just have sex all the time and nothing else?”
Friends with Benefits are two friends who decide, against all logic and historical precedent, to try to have a strictly sexual relationship without any emotional entanglement. These two poor souls have convinced themselves that sex is purely mechanical and will have no lasting effects and certainly not change the nature of the relation they previously had with one another.
Friends with Benefits are really not friends at all. They weren't friends before, they're not friends during and they won't be friends after. They wouldn't invite each other to a laser tag party or to come over on a Thursday afternoon to watch Maury and eat popcorn. If they can't even do the most basic friend activities together they shouldn't call each other "friends." They should really be called Two People Who Only Hook Up Because One Won't Make a Commitment, Hint: It's the Guy (TPWOHUBOWMAC,H:ITG). This phraseology was first used on the Jersey Shore but the producers felt that it lacked the same cultural sophistication that DTF, GTL, and Fist Pumping brought to the show.
The Pattern of All FWB Relationships
There is a standard pattern which all FWB relations follow:
- The Proposal of said relationship (usually by the guy or the freaking coolest girl in the universe)
- The Hook Up Phase (by far the best phase of any relationship)
- The Awkward Phase (usually overlaps with the previous phase, lessing it's awesomeness)
- The Abrupt Cut-Off (like ripping off a band-aid, you only pretend it hurts less this way)
- The Remission (you thought it would be that simple?)
- The End of Any Semblance of Civility (when both parties hate anything and everything related to their former partner)
As if being friends weren't enough of a benefit, the male party is usually the one to initiate a physical relationship. The female party, seeing this as an obvious proposal of marriage, will usually accept because it could turn out to be something more. It probably won't. But it could. I mean you don't know. Do you know? What do you know? Tell me what you know now.
Once the arrangement has been set and the illusion is complete, the couple can now move on to the next stage.
The Hook Up Phase
The Awkward Phase
Friends with Benefits often don't speak for days at a time. It is during these periods that they convince themselves that they are not attached and they can stop whenever they want to. These periods of silence can be awkward. I mean, I see you on Gchat right now. I'm only on Gchat because I can't leave my house because I may run into you. I would rather walk 10 miles on flaming hot coals, swim in lava and bike down the Alps with no helmet than see you unplanned in broad daylight. See, I just completed one of the most dangerous triathlons ever just to avoid you. I'm not attached.
The Abrupt Cut-Off
The End of Any Semblance of Civility
There are many different types of relationships that people can create to totally fuck up their lives and FWB is only one. Some of these wonderfully self-destructive relationships are listed below.