User:Matthlock/WIP/HowTo:Be German

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Do you want to pose a German? Do you like wearing lederhosen? Do you want to learn how to act like a German in ten weeks? Did you get to this by pressing the Random Article button? If you said yes to any of those questions, then this might be the page for you.

edit Step 1: Always count with your thumbs first

Germans always do this, I don’t know why, but they do. I also do this as well. Yes, you heard me, I thumb-count too. But anyway, if you’re going to speak with a German accent and wear lederhosen, count with your thumbs first, otherwise you’re a cunt.

edit Step 2: Never say anything funny

Germans have very little to no sense of humor (if you’re British, Germans don’t have any sense of humour), so as much as possible, never tell a joke, never laugh thoroughly (unless you’re that creepy German Buddhist guy who does all those frightening belly laughs), never make funny music videos, never say things like “Don’t disturb my friend, he’s dead tired” (only Austrians are only allowed to say things like that), never wear funny or insulting-looking shirts, never say things like “Oysterfuck” or “Shitballs,” never sing songs that can’t be taken seriously (like “U Can’t Touch This”), never make jokes about alpenhorns (or maybe the Swiss hate those, whatever), never tell puns, never tell double entendres and above all NEVER watch Bullyparade – it’s a disgrace to German unfunniness.

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