User:Matthlock/WIP/A Shitload of Ear-Rape

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“Rape me, rape me, my friend. Rape me, rape me again.”
~ Kurt Cobain on A Shitload of Ear-Rape
“SCREAMING BLOODY FUCKIN’ MESS!”
~ Johnny Rotten on A Shitload of Ear-Rape
“AAHHH!! Virgin ears! Virgin ears!”
~ That Moldovan chick on A Shitload of Ear-Rape

Ladies and gentleman, for tonight’s entertainment, we welcome to you a band whose host boasts much of the world. So without further ado, please put your hands up for Matthlock’s new band, A SHITLOAD OF EAR-RAPE!

[Applause]

Matthlock: THANK YOU, THANK YOU INDEED! HOW YA DOIN’ TONIGHT, BALTIMORE?! READY TO ROCK? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! WELL, WE GOT A WHOLE LOTTA ROCK! TWO HOURS WORTH OF IT, IN FACT! SO SIT BACK, RELAX AND GET READY TO BANG YOUR HEADS! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

edit Interview

INTERVIEWER: So, Matthlock, I’d like to ask you first of all, what happened to your old band, Matthlock & the Wootinis?

MATTHLOCK: Yeah, it wasn’t going anywhere, so we decided to drop it and give up and break up. And that’s where we are today.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, next question. A Shitload of Ear-Rape: how did you think of that name?

MATTHLOCK: Well, you see, all the other good band names have been taken. Aztec Camera, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Question Mark & the Mysterians, Blue Öyster Cult, Judas Priest and Bill Haley and his Comets; look at them, they’ve all been taken. So we decided, “Hey, my new band’s a heavy metal band, so why not give it a metal name?” First we settled on “Truckload of Sin,” but that name wasn’t really getting us anywhere. So we decided something a little more self-explanatory, so that’s how we got “A Shitload of Ear-Rape”.

INTERVIEWER: But don’t you think your band name will offend rape victims?

MATTHLOCK: Ah, what’re you talking about? Did you know that 9 out of 10 people enjoy getting raped?

INTERVIEWER: No, I believe that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang-rape.

MATTHLOCK: Oh yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I must have got my stats wrong. Did you know that 9 out of 10 hate getting raped?

INTERVIEWER: Nah, I’m pretty sure that 10 out of 10 people hate getting raped.

MATTHLOCK: SHUT UP, BITCH!

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