User:Matthlock/That time I was nearly raped by a rapist named Rapey McRaperson during my sojourn in Connecticut

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Dude, fuck Connecticut. Like, seriously.

So there I was

exploring fucking Mystic county, doing my New England tourism thing with the foliage and the grapevines, right? Like, slightly-inferior-to-Massachusetts badass shit.

so I booked a room at "Rapey McRaperson's Bed and Breakfast," except the sign actually said "Bed and Rape," but Rape was crossed out and replaced with "Breakfast." Guess it was a fucking typo.

So I meet Rapey, who's like this fucking Connecticut Irishman, and he's all like "Hi, I'm Rapey McRaperson!" and I'm all like, "Yo."

but then I dropped my keys

Why the hell did I drop my keys? Like, WTF?

and I bent over to pick them up

and he tries to mount me! WTF?

So I'm like "Whoa, Rapey, are you trying to fucking rape me?"

And he says "Yeah sorry," and, like, fucking tucks himself back in.

I barely got away with a bunch of overpriced maple syrup from a fucking tourist trap.

No, seriously. Fuck Connecticut.

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