User:Matthlock/Springfield

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Thatsracist
Racism Warning!
This article might offend some minorities, but, alas, as they are not in majority, we follow the democratic tradition and will vote regarding the contents.

Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for garbage, or New Zealand?
“We put the Spring in Springfield”
~ Belle on winter
“Bite my shiny metal ass”
~ Bender on Springfield
“Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville”
~ Homer Simpson on how he wants Shelbyville to kiss his enormous ass
“A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man”
~ Jebediah Springfield on embiggening
“A Nobel spirit explodes the smallest man”
~ Jebediah Springfield on Dynamite
“Springfield is nowhere.”
~ Captain Obvious on Springfield

Springfield is a city in the state of Nowhere. All historical accounts agree that it sucks. It is the set of Guiding Light and The Simpsons. To summarize, Springfield=Bad. Shelbyville=Good.

edit History

Springfield was founded in 1796 by Jebediah Springfield, alias Hans Sprungfeld, after abandoning Maryland for misenterterpreting a Bible passage. Springfield died in 1804, which left his children Buffalo Springfield, Dusty Springfield, and Jebediah Springfield, Jr. to govern, which left things to go downhill. Another legend has it that Springfield was founded by nuns. Whichever has the nuns in it, that's not right. Anyways, here is a brief and complete history of Springfield.

edit Attractions in Springfield

  • The Box Factory
  • Maison's Derriere

edit Minorities in Springfield

edit Majorities in Springfield

  • Stonecutters (There are 908 men in Springfield who are Stonecutters)

edit Who's in charge?

Youarebald

Mayor Quimby seen here brainwashing Homer Simpson

The mayor is some idiot named uh-ra uh-ra Quimby. He's a Massachusettsan jackass, Democrat, wife-swapper, tax-cheat, pot-smoker, former illiterate, and suspected illegal immigrant. He slept with at least 37 women. 37 WOMEN! I am truly amazed that that man does not have any STDs. Mayor Quimby, better known as Joseph Fitzgerald O'Malley Fitzpatrick O'Donnel The Edge Quimby, once had a bodyguard named Homer. In The End, Fat Tony tried to kill Mayor Quimby and nearly succeeded. He deserved it. He was a jerk to everybody. For a short time, Mayor Quimby was a musician and released an album entitled "Why Am I Such A Jerk?" If that's not bad enough, Mayor Quimby knocked Up a Beauty Queen. Believe me, Mayor Quimby's an idiot. He thinks The Answer to The Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is 69. He also created a brainwashing program to hypnotize Homer.

The emperor isn't far much better. He's a sex offender, like Prince. He's also a filthy bartender. The emperor of Springfield is Moe Szyslak (as announced in The Simpsons Movie )

edit Faces of Springfield

edit Trivia

That crippled racist atheist English scientist owns a Little Caesars in Springfield. I HATE THAT GUY! Remember that Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects